Starring Severus Snape!
by aims80
Summary: COMPLETED! What would happen if our favorite potions teacher accidently became a famous muggle movie star? Please R&R.
1. Lost in muggle London

Disclaimer: JK Rowling is the genius who came up with all we know and love in the world of Harry Potter. However any unknown characters and places, as well as the plot are products of my own imagination.  
  
Chapter One: Lost in muggle London.  
  
'It won't take long Severus. It's extremely important Severus." Snape muttered angrily to himself as he swept into the Leaky Cauldron, his black robes billowing behind him. "As if I don't have a million and one things to do with the end of the year coming up without traipsing around London looking for something for Dumbledore. And why couldn't he send his lackey Hagrid rather than me?"  
  
"Talking to yourself there Severus?" Tom, the innkeeper, asked with a grin.  
  
  
  
Snape favored him with his usual cold glance. "Could you tell me the way to get to-" He glanced at the piece of parchment Dumbledore had handed him "Indian Spices Galore?"  
  
Tom laughed. "Spices? Are you concocting a new potion then Severus?"  
  
Snape frowned. He wished he was creating a new potion, and he wished feverently that Tom would be the first one to try it! "No, it's for Dumbledore. Apparently rather urgent, so if you'd just give me directions.."  
  
"Go out of here, turn right, at the second street turn left, and then left again at the first street. Not far down on your right." Tom said, a little bit annoyed at the way the Professor had acted at his joking. 'Probably thinks he's too good to talk to a mere innkeeper.' He thought bitterly.  
  
Snape's eyes glittered dangerously. "You'd better hope that you've given me the right directions Tom." He said as he left the inn.  
  
"Prickly one ain't he?" An old wizard who was sitting at the counter nearby drinking, and who had overheard the conversation, asked.  
  
"Yeah, wonder why Dumbledore didn't send Hagrid instead. He's much nicer than Severus." Tom replied, wiping the counter down.  
  
"As prickly as he is though everyone says he's an absolute legend when it comes to potions. Nothin' he don't know!" The old wizard said.  
  
"That may be so when it comes to potions, but when it comes to manners he could do with a few lessons." Tom said, and he turned away to serve someone else.  
  
*****  
  
"And left again.." Snape muttered to himself turning down the street. He was still angry over the fact that Dumbledore had summoned him from his office where he was working on an especially hard exam for the fifth year students (an exam he hoped would even fool that smart muggle-born Granger!), and asked, no demanded, he go on this errand. Snape had sighed and asked "Couldn't it wait Headmaster? And for that matter is Hagrid unable to go? I'm rather busy at the moment." The Headmaster had replied, "Sorry Severus, Hagrid is otherwise engaged, and you're the only one I could trust to actually get this spice without mucking it up." "And this spice is urgent I take it Headmaster?" Snape had drawled. A strange look had crossed the Headmaster's face. "Very urgent indeed Severus."  
  
So busy fuming over the inconvenience Dumbledore's errand was causing him Snape didn't even notice the strange looks he was getting. It wasn't unusual to see people dressed rather strangely in London, but men wearing long black robes were a rarity.  
  
Snape's nose wrinkled in distaste as he entered the shop. The air was pungent with the strong smells of various spices mixed together. A small man came out of the back room to serve Snape and he smiled politely at him. "Good afternoon. How may I help you sir?"  
  
Snape handed over the parchment. "I need this spice." He said.  
  
The man frowned slightly as he read the name of the spice. "Hmmm.." He said.  
  
"What's the matter? Don't you have it?" Snape asked his heart sinking. There was no way he was going to spend his day searching for this spice.  
  
"Oh we have it." The man said nodding. "We have it. I was thinking that this is the strangest bit of paper I've ever seen..." He studied it thoughtfully and Snape reached over and grabbed it out of his hand.  
  
"The spice if you don't mind." He said coldly.  
  
The man nodded again and went over to one of the shelves were he pulled a small jar of reddish brown spice out and then came back over to Snape. "Recycled is it then?" He asked.  
  
"What?" Snape asked confused. The spice was recycled?  
  
"The paper. That's why it looks so strange hey. Never mind, the more practice you have the better you'll get." The man said, ringing up the spice.  
  
Snape rolled his eyes. Were muggles always this dumb he wondered? He didn't bother replying to that comment, he merely handed over the money Dumbledore had given him, took the spice and left the shop.  
  
"Have a nice day too mate! Pleasure to have been of service!" The man called after him sarcastically.  
  
As he walked out of the shop Snape was almost knocked over by two teenagers who were running past. "For heavens sake watch where you're going morons!" Snape snapped irritably. His mood was getting worse and worse.  
  
One of the boys stopped and turned back. "Sorry dude..wow, far out clothes you're wearing! Hey Mark- look at this dude's clothing." The boy said.  
  
His friend turned around to look. "Wow, wicked robe dude!" He said.  
  
Snape's eyes widened. What was it these boys were calling him- a dude? "There is nothing wrong with my clothes I can assure you." Snape said, his anger thinly veiled. "I could tell you that pink and red don't mix. And as for your haircut, well you look like a Hungarian Horntail dragon does in mating season."  
  
"A Hungarian Horntail?" The boy repeated. "Wow, this dude is one stoner."  
  
Snape had now had enough of the stupid muggle boys and he turned abruptly on his heel and stalked off. 'I don't know why Hagrid was too busy to make this journey, but when I get hold of him he's going to wish he'd never been born!' He thought furiously. He was so busy imagining the scene with Hagrid and all the things he could do to the imbecilic giant that he didn't realise he'd walked right past the street he needed to go down. 'And as for this spice, it better be bloody important!' He reached the next street and turned right. 'And as for Dumbledore's brains, well they've disappeared completely. Appointing that young woman as a Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. If she met a werewolf she'd probably run a mile in the other direction!' He turned right again. And it was only then that he realised he didn't recognise any of the shops where he was.  
  
"Excuse me," He asked a passing muggle woman. "Can you tell me how to get to the Leaky Cauldron? I'm afraid I may have taken a wrong turn?" And he gave her what he hoped was a charming smile.  
  
She looked him up and down before replying. "I don't know what the Leaky Cauldron is." She said. "But I'd say the only place you need to go is the closest asylum." And she walked off leaving Snape speechless. Was she insinuating he was insane? No wonder he hated the muggle world! With a sigh he kept walking sure that eventually he would come upon the Leaky Cauldron, or at least another person who might know where it was!  
  
As he wandered the streets, getting more and more impatient, he didn't realise he was being followed. It was only when the girl came close up to him as he turned into a dead end and produced a blade that he knew something was up. "Give me all your money." She snarled.  
  
Snape looked at her with interest. "How about a trade? You tell me where to get to the place I'm trying to get to and I give you a few sickles for your trouble." He offered.  
  
The girl looked confused. "Sickles? You're not from around here are you?" She asked.  
  
"You could say that." Snape replied, with a sardonic grin. That was certainly one way of putting it.  
  
"Give me the money and I'll tell you." The girl said, holding her hand out.  
  
  
  
With a sigh Snape dropped a few sickles in her upturned hand. The girl looked at them in surprise, and then she shrugged and put them in her pocket. "Right, you go to the end of this street, turn left and follow it through to the square." She said.  
  
It was Snape's turn to look confused. "Sorry, but how do you know where I'm going?" He asked.  
  
"I'm a mind reader!" The girl said with a laugh.  
  
"Oh right, like Trelawney claims to be able to do." Snape said, curling his lip in distaste. "Predicts at least one student's death every year and as yet nobody's died.."  
  
The girl shook her head and turned and ran off.  
  
With a sigh Snape followed her directions and came to the square. Instead, however, of the Leaky Cauldron there was a huge crowd of people lined up. At the top of the line was a table where two men sat, and a woman stood nearby with a clipboard in her hands. As Snape watched she called a name, and the person came forward to shake the hands of the two men. Snape wandered closer to see what was going on. 


	2. The audition

Chapter Two: The Audition!  
  
The man who had just been called up stood in front of the two men and cleared his throat. And then in a loud clear voice he read from the paper he'd been given: "Molly, quick hide the child. He's here!" he cried, looking around with a frightened expression.  
  
"Who's here?" The woman with the clipboard asked, in a bored tone of voice.  
  
  
  
"Only Harold Popperpton. The evilest, vilest, wickedest wizard to have ever lived. And he wants to kill our son. Hide him!" The man hissed, in an urgent whisper.  
  
Snape couldn't help himself. "Oh please, Harold Popperton! An evil wizard! Sounds more like an old man than a wizard." He said with a snort. Did muggles honestly think that name was scary?  
  
The crowd turned to him, including the two men at the table, the woman with the clipboard and the man who was reading from the paper, who was clearly annoyed at the interruption.  
  
"Well really," Snape said realising everyone was looking at him. "It doesn't sound very evil does it? It doesn't strike fear into your hearts does it?"  
  
The older of the two men behind the table, pushed his glasses up his nose. "Well what would you call the evilest wizard of all time?" He demanded.  
  
"Lord Volde-" Snape began, and then stopped. He realised that he shouldn't exactly tell a bunch of muggles the name of the dark lord. Especially not considering it was a well-known fact that Voldemort had risen and was out there somewhere biding his time. "Volde..ah.um..Voldemist?"  
  
The two men exchanged glances, and the younger one said "I like it. It's got authority. It's got evil! And it's a lot more interesting than Harold Popperton isn't it?"  
  
"Very much so." The older man agreed and then he eyed Snape thoughtfully. "What's your name?"  
  
"Severus Snape." Snape said proudly. "Actually it's Professor Severus Snape."  
  
"Brilliant!" The younger man cried. "He's got a stage name, and he's even dressed the part! Let's see whether he can act."  
  
Snape stared at him confused. "Actually I'm lost. I was wondering whether any of you knew the way to the Leaky Cauldron." He said.  
  
"Where's the leaky Cauldron?" The older man asked the woman with the clipboard. "You're the Londoner here."  
  
"I don't know." She admitted. "We should really get on with the auditions. We've still got another twenty people to hear."  
  
The two men exchanged looks and the older man said, "Dismiss everyone. We've just found our man."  
  
"Mr. Hampton I really must advise against this." The woman said. "We don't even know if this man can act-"  
  
"MISS Charlton I said DISMISS everyone." The older man snapped. "If he can't act he'll learn. Look at him- he's not just perfect for the part of William- he IS William."  
  
Mrs. Charlton, looking anything but happy by the turn of events, dutifully turned to the crowd to repeat the instructions. There was a rumble of discontent and as the crowd dispersed Snape heard one man say to another "Why didn't I think of dressing as a wizard? What an idea!" Snape turned to tell him that he wasn't DRESSING as a wizard, he WAS a wizard, but he found the young man at his arm.  
  
"Mr. Snape, or should I call you Professor?" He asked.  
  
"Well everyone back at the school calls me Professor..." Snape said with a shrug. "Listen I don't mean to be rude but I've got to get to the Leaky Cauldron. I was meant to be on urgent school business and I'm very late indeed."  
  
"Oh, right, well here, give them a call." The young man said handing Snape his mobile phone.  
  
Snape looked at the phone in curiosity. "I think I'd really just better get back." He said instead, and he handed the phone back to the young man.  
  
"Listen, Professor, I don't think you understand the enormity of the situation." The young man said with a frown. "You've just been offered the lead role in a Hampton movie. You're going to be famous."  
  
Snape stared. A lead role in a movie? Him? "What's the movie about?" Snape asked curiously. Not that he wanted any part in any stupid muggle project, but it had aroused his curiosity that was for sure.  
  
"You mean you didn't come here to audition?" The young man asked surprised.  
  
  
  
"I came here to get spice for the headmaster and then I got lost and couldn't find my way back to the Leaky Cauldron." Snape explained.  
  
"So are you telling me you're not dressed up for the audition? And Severus Snape is your real name?" The young man asked looking bemused.  
  
"I always dress like this." Snape said coldly. "And of course Severus Snape is my name. What a stupid question." He was beginning to lose his temper now.  
  
"The movie," the young man said. "Is about a wizard named William and his adventures in a world filled with wizards, one we ordinary people, don't know about."  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow. 'How ironic!' He thought. Then he sighed and straightened himself. "I must be going now, Dumbledore will be starting to worry." He said.  
  
"Dumbledore?" The young man asked.  
  
"The headmaster." Snape said, pushing his hair out of his face. "Goodbye." And he started to walk off but he was stopped by the young man.  
  
"Wait!" The young man cried. "At least leave your contact details. I know you might not realise it now, but a part in a Hampton movie could make your career!"  
  
"I don't want a career." Snape said, wondering how thick muggle heads actually were. "I'm a Professor. That is my career!"  
  
"Professor Snape, ask anyone and they'll tell you that you can't possibly turn down a part in a Hampton movie. I'm incredibly lucky to have been given the job as an assistant to Mr. Hampton myself!" The young man said. "And Mr. Hampton WANTS YOU!"  
  
"Indeed.." Snape said coldly, wishing ardently he could get out his wand and curse this muggle fool! Would the ministry really be mad? And just wait until he got back to Hogwarts- he wasn't ever coming to London again. It was packed full of morons!  
  
"PROFESSOR!" A loud voice called across the square. "Been lookin' everywhere for yeh!"  
  
Snape had never in his life been so glad to see that oaf Hagrid as he was now. Hagrid was striding across the square towards him. When he reached him he frowned.  
  
"Dumbledore sent me ter fetch yeh!" He explained. "He was worried since yeh'd been gone so long an' all! What were yeh doin' wanderin' off here and getting' lost anyway?"  
  
On a normal day Snape would have coldly informed Hagrid that it was none of his business. But then this hadn't really been an ordinary day, had it?  
  
"I took a wrong turn I'm assuming." Snape said with a frown. "And all these stupid moronic muggles-"  
  
"We best get back Professor." Hagrid interrupted him with a cough, glancing at the muggles standing around staring at him. Most likely they'd never seen a man his size before. Then in a low voice he added "We don' want no muggles becomin' suspicious do we?"  
  
"Yes, let's go." Snape said. He was embarrassed that the groundskeeper had been the one to find him, him a professor for Merlin's sake! And he was also completely furious with all that had happened that day. He wanted to go and find someone, or something, to torture and get it all out of his system!  
  
"Wait, Professor. Please, just leave a contact detail." The young man persisted. "It doesn't mean you're locked into anything. It's just so you can at least decide."  
  
What made Snape reply he never knew. But he said "I guess you could leave a message for me with Tom at the Leaky Cauldron and he'll pass it on."  
  
"What was that all 'bout?" Hagrid asked as they walked away.  
  
Snape, having recovered his composure, glared at him. "That is none of your business Hagrid." He snapped. "I would appreciate if you kept your big nose out of my business."  
  
Hagrid grinned inwardly at the return of the normal nasty Snape. 'If I hada' kept my nose outta' his business he'd still be lost in London.' He thought. But seeing as how Snape looked paler than usual, his mouth was set in an angry line, and his eyes flashed Hagrid wisely said nothing.  
  
*****  
  
"Here's your spice Headmaster. May I ask what was so urgent about it that I got stuck with those stupid muggles for so long?" Snape said, handing the spice to the headmaster a little while later. The headmaster had heard the tale of how Snape had been lost in London, and marveled that he had managed to keep his temper and not curse everyone there. It would, he thought, have been a close call though. Especially looking at Snape's face now.  
  
"You may." Dumbledore said.  
  
Snape sighed impatiently. If the fool muggles weren't enough then Dumbledore had to act all eccentric and strange. "What was so urgent about this spice that I had to rush to get it headmaster?" Snape asked.  
  
"Well Severus, I've been having a rather bad case of uhm.constipation..lately, and this is the only thing which seems to cure it." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled.  
  
Snape made an enraged noise and stormed from the room, his robes billowing behind him. He wanted nothing more than a stiff drink and then bed. The day had been one disaster after another, and if he never saw another muggle it would be too soon. As he walked towards his office he wondered whether or not the muggles would manage to get in touch with him about the movie though? 


	3. Life as we know it

Chapter Three: Life as we know it.  
  
"I heard all about your adventures in London yesterday," Professor McGonagall said the following morning at breakfast. "I bet you were glad when Hagrid found you Severus?"  
  
Snape glared at her. Was she making fun of him? As a general rule all the teachers got along fine, but with McGonagall being head of Gryffindoor house, and he being head of Slytherin there was a certain rivalry between the two. "All for some bloody spices too." Snape muttered darkly.  
  
Dumbledore overheard this comment and leant over to Snape. "The spices worked wonders you'll be glad to hear Severus." He said, his eyes twinkling.  
  
"Delighted Headmaster." Snape replied sarcastically. His mood considerably darker than when he woke up he excused himself from the breakfast table and went up to his office. He got the feeling people were going to be talking about his getting lost in London for a few days. If any of the students got wind of it! He could just imagine smart Alecs like Potter and Weasley and their croonies gloating over his misfortunes. The very thought of that made him groan. 'Just let them try and I'll show them whose boss around here!' He thought with his usual cold grin.  
  
A few minutes later one of the two fifth year classes filled in- this one was composed of the Gryffindoors and the Slytherins. He scanned their faces intently for so much as a hint of a smirk, but to his relief saw none. When they were all seated he stood in front of his desk, flipping his robes back.  
  
"As you are all aware next week we'll be having our final exam. I've changed the procedure a little however. The final exam will be now worth 51% of your final mark. Fail the exam, fail potions, don't get your potions OWL. Simple." Snape declared. The idea had come to him when he was wandering around muggle London getting increasingly frustrated. Since he wasn't able to torture anyone per se, he could at least make their lives miserable for the rest of the year. Not to his surprise the only student not looking too concerned about this was Granger. In fact, Snape noted, she looked downright pleased. But then, she'd most likely been studying for the exam the last few months! Normally a student so dedicated to the subtle art of potions would please him, however the fact that the student was not only muggle born, but also a Gryffindoor only annoyed him. Why couldn't it be someone like Malfoy? Malfoy was a person after his own heart, it was just a shame his marks were only average. Speaking of Malfoy Snape noticed Malfoy's hand was in the air waving erratically.  
  
"Yes Mr. Malfoy?" Snape asked.  
  
"I say, don't you think that's a bit unfair Sir?" Malfoy asked. "We've only got a week until exams and we didn't know how important it was going to be."  
  
Snape looked as though he were considering this, but in reality he wasn't. He could care less whether the students thought it was unfair or not. "I'm sorry Mr. Malfoy, but the decision has been made."  
  
Weasley muttered something to Potter who grinned at him. Snape felt his face burning- they knew about his disastrous trip to London. "WEASLEY! Perhaps you'd care to spend the night in detention. And you too Potter!" Snape snapped.  
  
"But Sir-" Weasley began, but Snape interrupted.  
  
"-I don't want to hear any buts thank you Weasley. In my opinion you've all been mollycoddled too long. You've got to get used to the real world and realise you can't just do whatever you want!"  
  
Weasley looked confused. "I'm sorry Sir, but I don't understand." He said.  
  
Snape rubbed at his throbbing temple. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and one of the first year students came in. A Ravenclaw if Snape was correct.  
  
"Professor Snape?" The young girl asked. "Professor McGonagall sent me to give you this package. For some reason an owl arrived in the middle of our class with it for you. She thought it might be important."  
  
Snape nodded brusquely and took the package. The young girl was still standing there. "Well what are you waiting for? Christmas?" Snape snapped at her. The girl's face went beet red and she hurried out of the room. Snape ripped the package open and a scribbled note fell out:  
  
"Professor Snape. A man arrived here this morning with this for you. I got the impression it was important by his manner and therefore I'm sending this on with an owl right away. Tom."  
  
Snape's lip curled slightly. The imbecilic innkeeper couldn't even send an owl to the right bloody person. Honestly he was just as bad as your average muggle. He reached into the package and brought out a letter, written in extremely neat, black ink. (Anyone who was completing "muggle studies" would have told him that it was in fact typed from a computer!) He read it quickly:  
  
Dear Professor Snape,  
  
As luck would have it our technical advisor knew where the Leaky Cauldron was and therefore we were able to leave this note with Tom in the hope you would receive it. As a general rule we don't conduct our business this way. Usually we would require one of our actors to register with an agent and do business through said agent. Or failing that, we would require a direct contact number and address. However Mr. Hampton was so impressed with you he's decided to waiver these rules in this instance. I must impress upon you once again what an amazing opportunity this is.  
  
Shooting for the movie begins in exactly two weeks. It will run for approximately six weeks. Therefore once you've completed the movie you'll be able to return to your current job, albeit perhaps a week or two later than usual? I realised when speaking to you how important your job was to you, and therefore we've organised our schedule so you will be able to return as soon as possible.  
  
Enclosed is a copy of the script so you can begin to learn your lines as soon as possible. In the event you are unfamiliar with scripts, which I get the feeling you perhaps are, your lines have been highlighted in red. Any directions as to the mood you are in when you say the lines (for example, scared, grumpy, sad etc) have been highlighted in blue. The green highlighting is for directions to you (for example pick up cup as you speak the lines, turn on the television, pick up the phone as it rings etc).  
  
Please present yourself at Hampton studios, Knightsbridge London at seven in the morning in precisely two weeks.  
  
Yours sincerely,  
  
Adam Minton, On behalf of Mr. J. Hampton."  
  
There was the sound of someone clearing their throat and Snape glanced up sharply to see that the class were sitting there staring at him. He threw the script and letter down onto his desk. "I've decided that since there is nothing else to learn and we would only be revising for exams you can spend the rest of the class in the library or your common rooms doing so. Just one question first: What exactly is a telephone and how does it ring?"  
  
There were a few bemused glances in the classroom before Granger, the muggle born, put her hand up. "Professor a telephone is a muggle communication device. When you want to speak to someone in another location you pick the phone up, dial their special number, and they will answer it and you speak to each other through it." She explained, still looking confused.  
  
"Hmmm." Snape murmured. "Wouldn't it be much easier to just use floo powder or apparate or something?"  
  
Even Granger had no answer for that, and Snape waved them all off. "Go." He ordered. When the classroom was empty he pulled out the script and letter and sat back at his desk scanning through them more thoroughly. Occasionally he laughed out loud at the way muggles had written wizards. Thus far he had no real plans for his vacation so would it really hurt to do this muggle movie? Last night in bed he'd pulled out a copy of "The weird and Wonderful World of Muggles" and flicked through it. He found a section on "movies" where he'd read that muggles loved to make movies and once the movie was made it would be played on a big screen at a special place where muggles went for the express purpose of watching the movie. It also claimed that what the muggles called "movie stars" were revered and worshipped by them. Snape grinned slightly now at the idea of muggles idolising him. Surely it couldn't hurt to just see whether he liked being in the movie or not right? If it were no good he'd leave. 


	4. Hampton Studios

Chapter Four: Hampton Studios.  
  
It was the last day of the school year and Snape couldn't be happier. He'd had it up to his neck with the fact that students and staff alike were all subtly teasing him about his adventures in London. He'd had it up to his neck with the fact that he had to be there correcting exams when he'd rather be somewhere else. In fact, he admitted to himself, he was just sick of some things.  
  
"So what mark did Miss Granger end up getting in your class?" asked diminutive Professor Flitwick, the charms teacher.  
  
"One hundred and two percent." Snape said miserably. Writing down the score for had been absolute torture for him. He'd wanted to give her a lower score, but he knew perfectly well that Dumbledore would be surprised and perhaps even question his marking.  
  
"I gave her one hundred and fifteen percent." Professor Flitwick said with a smile. "I've never met such a smart student- and she's muggle born too!"  
  
"Mmm." Snape said. As far as he was concerned Granger's marks were completely inconsequential. He was too busy thinking about the fact that tomorrow he was going to become a movie star!  
  
"See you next year Sir." Malfoy said as he walked past. "Enjoy your summer."  
  
Snape turned sharply to look at him. He seemed innocent enough, and besides how could he even know about the movie? The only person to know thus far was Dumbledore as Snape had been forced to inform him that he would be a few weeks late for the start of the next year. When Snape had told him Dumbledore had looked thoughtful. "Do the ministry know yet Severus?" Snape had frowned. What the heck did the ministry have to do with it? Shouldn't they be too busy with the whole Voldemort crisis to worry about his activities over the summer? After all everyone knew Voldemort was back and biding his time. Snape himself knew it only too well. The dark mark often burnt. "It's just that they might not be impressed with a wizard playing a wizard in a muggle movie that's all Severus." The headmaster had explained quietly. "Screw the ministry." Snape had replied.  
  
"Sir?" Malfoy was looking at him strangely and Snape realised he hadn't replied.  
  
"Yes, yes, see you then Malfoy." Snape replied hurrying away to do his packing. The studios had offered to arrange for him to stay in a hotel whilst filming, but Snape had declined. Staying in a muggle hotel would have been way too much for him, and therefore he was staying at The Leaky Cauldron.  
  
As he was leaving McGonagall walked past. "I hope you're not going to become some star who thinks they are too good for us with this movie deal Severus." She said with a smile.  
  
Snape looked at her coldly. How the heck did she know? Dumbledore must have told her. Honestly couldn't anyone keep a secret around here? "I shall see you next year Minerva." He replied, his tone as cold as his look. Especially seeing as how McGonagall couldn't keep the smirk off her face. 'Thinks this is all a big joke doesn't she?' Snape thought angrily. 'Well I'll show her. I'll wipe that smile off her gob if it's the last thing I do!'  
  
*****  
  
"Ah the movie star." Tom greeted him when he walked into the Leaky Cauldron later that afternoon.  
  
"Keep it down!" Snape snapped. "I told you I didn't want every man and his dragon knowing didn't I?"  
  
Tom had to laugh at the expression on Snape's face. It was a mixture of anger and embarrassment, the combination of which was really quite funny. "Right, right. My mouth's sealed." He assured Snape.  
  
"Somehow I doubt that, but let me inform you that I will be more than willing to seal it for you permanently." Snape said, an evil look crossing his face.  
  
"Tell me professor," Tom leant over in a conspirital manner. "Are we all really in a lot of danger from you-know-who? The ministry's been rather quiet on the issue despite the fact we all know he came back to life. What happened at Hogwarts last year to make him return?"  
  
Snape frowned. "What makes you think anything happened at Hogwarts?" He asked casually.  
  
"Rumors." Tom replied.  
  
"Rumors." Snape snorted disdainfully. "Rumors probably started by some stupid witch or warlock who has nothing better to do with their time!"  
  
"But Professor," Tom argued. "We all know he's back. The ministry's all but confirmed it."  
  
"As much as I'd love to stay here and chat," Snape said, in a tone which implied he'd rather do anything but. "I'd like to go up to my room and freshen up. I've got an early morning tomorrow."  
  
"Right, fine. Room 26." Tom muttered sulkily. Once again the professor had put him in his place, showing him he had no time for someone of Tom's status in life. 'Just because he was lucky enough to get into Hogwarts and smart enough to become a professor doesn't mean he's a better person!' Tom thought with a frown. 'Not everyone's lucky enough to go to Hogwarts are they? And it doesn't make them any lesser person!'  
  
Snape made his way up to his room with a grateful sigh. If there was anything he wanted at the moment, after the last few weeks being so hectic, it was the solitary comfort of being on his own! He sat down in the chair in his room and again went through his script. Over the last two weeks he'd done his best to learn his lines, sometimes even muttering them to himself as he walked around the school. Once he'd been muttering lines about "that stupid fool wizard next door" when he'd walked past one of the Weasley twins. The twin had given him a strange look as though perhaps he thought Snape's brain had finally deserted him. Indeed in the days after that he received a few strange looks from other Gryffindoor students, and in his class people like Granger had been less likely to speak up, as though they were treating him delicately or something! The thought made Snape frown in anger. Him delicate? Huh!  
  
*****  
  
The next morning Snape got up early and dressed in his best black robe, made sure his black hair was shinier than ever, tucked his wand into his robes and departed for the studios. Tom, who was doing some early morning cleaning, called to him to ask whether or not he wanted some breakfast but Snape shook his head firmly. Although there was no way he was going to tell the stupid innkeeper this, but he was simply too nervous to get anything to eat. How on earth was he to cope with muggles for the next few weeks? They could be so stupid that he knew he was going to have to keep his temper. But on the other hand, he also thought this was an experience that he, as an academic wizard, couldn't turn down. He'd never indulged in "muggle studies" back when he was a student, but, he reflected, it was never too late to learn what drove them. How they worked was bound to be fascinating.  
  
  
  
Snape was greeted upon his arrival at the studios by the young man, Adam Minton, who grasped his hand firmly and shook it. "A pleasure Professor Snape." He said. "I've been worried you wouldn't be coming."  
  
Snape looked confused. "But I sent an owl back to Tom to let you know I'd be coming."  
  
"Sorry, you sent an owl?" Minton looked as confused as Snape. "Is that another word for letter then?"  
  
"Oh. Yes." Snape said quickly, wondering why he'd been stupid enough to let that slip out. "Another word."  
  
"Right, well we got the letter from Tom, but we were still worried you might change your mind." Minton explained. "I see you're wearing your costume, good stuff. Now we'll just get you into make-up. Come along."  
  
Snape, not too impressed at hearing that his clothes were considered a "costume" by the muggles, followed along. "Make-up?" He repeated, wondering where he'd heard the word before.  
  
"Sure, everyone on a film wears it, even the males. I know it might sound silly to you, but rest assured it's very important. We have to make sure you look like a wizard." Minton explained further.  
  
'Look like a wizard?' Snape thought with an inward sigh. 'Was Minton insinuating he looked like a muggle for merlin's sake?'  
  
"Right, here's make-up. This is Amelia, and she'll look after you. When she's done you're to be on the set for your call at nine prompt." Minton said. "I'll see you then."  
  
And he hurried off, leaving Snape in the hands of the make-up woman who was regarding him thoughtfully. "Let's see, you've got very pale skin. I always imagined a wizard would have darker skin..I'm not sure why. Maybe from riding around on their broomsticks or something?" She laughed. "Imagine riding a broomstick for heaven's sake. I'd much prefer my car."  
  
Snape controlled himself very well at the woman's comments. He longed to tell her that advances in wizard technology meant that the very latest broomsticks were amazingly fast and convenient. And, he thought, much easier to just get off a broom and go straight into the place you wanted than to deal with those "automobiles" muggles used. With a frown he remembered how Weasley and Potter had flown a converted one into the Whomping Willow on their arrival at school one year a few years back. He recalled only too well how furious he'd been at their obvious attempt for attention. 'Typical of them really,' he thought. 'Especially Potter. It's not enough to be the boy-who-lived, and who on a few occasions has defeated the greatest, darkest wizard ever born. He needs more bloody attention! If he were in my house he'd of been expelled on many, many occasions!'  
  
"Mr. Snape?" The woman asked with a frown. "I said can you sit down please?"  
  
"Sorry." Snape said gruffly, sitting in the chair facing her. 'Not that I'm advocating the return of Voldemort after all I did the last summer to prevent him getting to Hogwarts and all..But sometimes I wish that Potter boy wasn't here!' He thought to himself.  
  
"Right," The make-up woman said chirply, too chirpily for this time in the morning in Snape's view. "Time to make you look like a wizard."  
  
'Ah,' thought Snape with a sigh. 'This was going to be a long few weeks, maybe he shouldn't be here after all!' But he'd promised himself he'd at least give it a go, and that he would. After all, nobody could say that Professor Severus Snape was a quitter, that was for sure! 


	5. Shooting begins

[A/N. Please excuse the fact that all bits of acting from Snape are in script format. Normally I won't write in that format since in my opinion it doesn't convey attitudes, emotions etc like I'd want to have them conveyed. However, since I am not sure of how to format this so that bold and/or italics appears as such on ff.net I've got to do something to separate the scenes where Snape is acting from the actual story. Cheers, Aims.]  
  
Chapter Five: Shooting begins!  
  
Snape walked onto the set and surveyed it thoughtfully. The script called the place "Wintersville" and claimed it to be "the only all-wizard town in England" with its location being "somewhere in Lancashire." However in the opinion of Snape if the muggles were trying to portray an accurate wizarding community, such as Hogsmeade, they were pretty far off.  
  
"Ah Snape!" Mr. Hampton said spotting him and hurrying over. "Well what do you think of the set?"  
  
"Very interesting." Snape said diplomatically. It was clear that a lot of work had been put into the set and if Snape were to tell them now it was nothing like what it should be they'd more than likely be pretty annoyed.  
  
Mr. Hampton raised an eyebrow. "Yes, well.." He said. "I see you've been to makeup. You look like a real wizard now."  
  
"Do I just?" Snape asked coldly, giving the stupid muggle a glare. Had he asked any student or even many wizards this question in this tone they'd probably have hurried in the other direction. His hand snaked down to his robes, and he felt the willow of his wand. How he longed to draw it out and curse this fool. But an inner strength he didn't know he had prevailed and the wand stayed hidden in his robes.  
  
"Well it's time for the shooting to begin." Mr. Hampton declared in a loud voice. "Places please. Mr. Snape I am assuming you know your lines."  
  
"It's Professor Snape and yes I know my lines." Snape replied, and he walked over to the front of what was meant to be some kind of magic shop. Snape surveyed it with a disdainful sniff- it looked more like some kind of joke shop the two Weasley twins would have than a real shop!  
  
"AND ACTION!" Someone yelled.  
  
Snape sighed, and wondered again whether or not he was doing the right thing being here.  
  
  
  
"Um Professor Snape?" Adam asked. "Action is your cue."  
  
"My cue?" Snape repeated.  
  
"Your cue to start acting." Adam explained and Snape felt his face redden at the grins of all the muggles packed around. The idea of muggles laughing at him made him see red. 'If they were in my world they'd be the confused ones!' He thought angrily. But rather than saying anything like this he nodded, to show he understood and "ACTION" was called again.  
  
  
  
Wendy: "William?"  
  
(William turns to see young woman running down street towards him).  
  
Wendy: "William I'm so glad you came. I thought perhaps you wouldn't."  
  
William: "I gave you my word as a wizard I'd be here Wendy. I always keep my promises."  
  
(Wendy throws herself into William's arms, and he grasps her strongly and they smile at each other, clearly in love.)  
  
  
  
Snape suddenly found himself pushed away from the young woman who was playing Wendy. "For heaven's sake!" She snapped. "Didn't you read the script? You love me. You're not exactly disgusted at touching me."  
  
"What's the problem Emma?" Mr. Hampton asked with a sigh.  
  
"When I threw myself into his arms he sort of recoiled, like it hurt him to touch me or something.." Emma complained.  
  
'It didn't HURT me, I've just never been so close to a muggle. And in all honesty I don't think I really want to be.' Snape thought with a frown. He felt a shiver run down his back at the idea of hugging this muggle woman again. What on earth was he getting himself into?  
  
"Okay, okay, let's try this again. Snape- try and act like you are in love with this woman all right?" Mr. Hampton said with a sigh. "And ACTION"  
  
  
  
Wendy: "I was so scared my parents would work out where I was going and try to stop me."  
  
William: "I've told you Wendy, never be scared with me around. I'll protect you."  
  
(Wendy leans her head on his shoulder briefly.)  
  
Wendy: "I know that, but who is going to protect you? When Father finds out we're eloping he's going to try and curse you."  
  
William (boastful): "I wasn't the dueling champion of Loverts for nothing. Let him try!"  
  
Wendy: "Do you think we're doing the right thing? I know there are a lot of other wizards in England and nobody knows what they really are..but what if we get discovered?"  
  
William: "We won't be! Trust me Wendy, everything is going to be just fine."  
  
  
  
"CUT!"  
  
Snape sighed and moved away from Emma the muggle.  
  
Mr. Hampton clapped his hands. "Brilliant Professor. The way you sounded so strong and brave. And it almost sounded like you really believed you were a dueling champion too!" He cried.  
  
'I believed it because it's true!' Snape thought with a sigh.  
  
"I don't think we need another take for this scene Professor. You can go and relax in your trailer. The next scene takes place between Wendy and her friend. And then we'll be ready to get into the main part of the movie- ten years later." Mr. Hampton said.  
  
"Uh..my trailer?" Snape repeated, trying not to look as stupid as he felt.  
  
"He hasn't been shown where it is yet Sir." Adam explained. "I'll take him there now."  
  
"Right." Mr. Hampton said, turning his back on Snape and effectively dismissing him.  
  
As they walked towards the trailer Adam said, "You really were very good in that scene. You looked just like a wizard too!"  
  
Snape wanted to yell at him: 'I AM a wizard you muggle fool! That's why I look like one!' Instead he kept quiet and Adam showed him to a large sized trailer.  
  
"This is where you can relax in between takes. We've got cable installed on the television so you've got plenty to watch. If you want anything at all pick up the phone and ask. There are people here to cater to your every whim Professor," Adam explained as he threw open the door. "After all, you're going to be a star soon so you might as well get used to the star treatment right?"  
  
"Mmmm." Snape muttered, going up the step and into his trailer. He looked around in surprise. There was a bed, a table, a chair, a couch and a few other things he'd never seen. As soon as Adam had gone Snape set to examining his "trailer". He opened a door to find food and drink in there. He picked up a small object with numbers printed on it to hear a voice say, "May I help you?" He quickly put it back down again. He picked up a long, black object and pressed a button on it and immediately a large box flashed into action. On it two muggles were fighting about something. "Television!" Snape exclaimed. "I always wondered what they'd look like."  
  
A tapping on the window of his trailer startled him and he hurried over to it. Perched on the sill was an owl and Snape hurriedly let it in. The owl swooped over to the table and dropped a piece of parchment on it before then swiftly flying out of the open window.  
  
"Severus,  
  
I'm just sending you a quick owl to see how things are going for you. I hope you haven't done anything to annoy the ministry yet, that is cursed any muggles. I'm sure there are a lot of things in the muggle world that you are not familiar with, but I must personally confess to a bit of an addiction to a muggle contraption called television. I'm sure you've heard of it of course, most wizards have. In particular I have something of an addiction for a muggle show called "The Bold and the beautiful" or to us fans simply "B&B". The woman named Brooke fascinates me and I have to wonder whether she's ever really going to get over her obsession with the man named Ridge. Another muggle show I find entertaining is something known as "The Simpsons." It's what muggles call a "cartoon", which basically means that the characters are drawn rather than being real, live muggles.  
  
Anyway Severus I implore you to try and act like a muggle. What I mean by this is don't go round complaining about stupid muggles. I've spoken to the Minister for Magic who admits he has some concerns about you being in this movie. Whilst we realise that muggles have made movies about wizards before never before has a wizard played a wizard in one of these movies. There is a very fine line here Severus, and we can't risk our world being exposed. So please refrain from passing out any information about our world.  
  
In conclusion, have fun.  
  
Albus Dumbledore.  
  
P.S And here's a thought for you Severus: maybe working this closely with muggles will make you learn to like them a bit more?"  
  
Snape angrily balled up the letter and threw it on the floor. Did the headmaster take him for some kind of idiot? He knew perfectly well he had to be careful not to say anything which would give the muggles the idea he was a real wizard. He thought he'd done that very well so far! And just because he was in a muggle movie didn't mean he was going to act like a muggle. Television indeed! As for liking muggles, well that was beyond his comprehension. So far, in just a morning, the only thing he'd learnt was that muggles WERE as stupid as they looked!  
  
There was a knock on the door of his trailer.  
  
"Come in." Snape called, biting back his anger.  
  
"Good morning Mr. Snape, I'm Richard, the technical advisor." And the door was flung wide open.  
  
Snape's jaw dropped as he stared at the person in his doorway. The person was none other than Gilderoy Lockhart. 


	6. The return of Gilderoy Lockhart

Chapter Six: The return of Lockhart!  
  
"Gilderoy?" Snape asked shocked at the reappearance of the man. The last time he'd seen him was when the memory charm he tried to put on Potter and Weasley in the chamber of secrets backfired and the bemused professor had been led into Dumbledore's office looking around in shock. "Funny place this." He'd said. "Although that other place we were just in was funnier. Dark and dirty. I hope people don't live there." "Only memories." Snape had muttered amused. Dumbledore had shot him a look and he'd remained quiet after that as Dumbledore questioned Lockhart to learn how much he'd forgotten. It had seemed as though he'd forgotten everything, and Dumbledore had sighed as he had handed him over to the representative from the Ministry. "I suppose this means we've got to advertise for another Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher!" He'd said. Snape had felt anger boil up inside him, when would Dumbledore realise that he, Professor Severus Snape, was the perfect man for the DADA spot? Instead he'd hired Lupin and then Mad-Eye Moody, two more disasters. This year's appointment, a female no less, was not exactly a roaring success either in Snape's mind.  
  
  
  
"Sorry?" Lockhart asked confused. "My name's Richard. They tell me you're going to be the star of this movie and I thought I best introduce myself."  
  
Snape reached over and pulled the man inside. "Your name is NOT Richard, it's Gilderoy Lockhart." He told him.  
  
Lockhart looked interested. "Funny sort of name that is. I think I'd know if I had such a funny name wouldn't I?"  
  
Snape sighed impatiently. "And you're the technical advisor you say? Exactly what kind of things do you advise on?"  
  
"Well for some reason I don't really know I've always had images of another world, a wizarding world in the back of my mind. I even came up with the name of the wizarding school- Loverts. It's almost like another world in my imagination." Lockhart laughed, a little embarrassed. "I came up with other things too, like memory charms, curses that sort of thing. And Mr. Hampton was so impressed he hired me to be the technical advisor. He thinks I'm amazing the way I can come up with things for the story line and how I have some sort of image in my mind of how things would look, work and all that, in the wizarding world. If there were a wizarding world that is. How wonderful would it be to be able to do magic?"  
  
During his rather long speech Snape had been staring at him in shock. The things Lockhart thought he was coming up with through his imagination were not exactly imagined. Lockhart was remembering things from the wizarding world. "Look at me closely Gilderoy. Don't I seem at all familiar to you?" Snape asked.  
  
Lockhart surveyed him thoughtfully. "There is something familiar about you, but it could be just because you're in costume so you look like you belong in my imaginary world." He suggested.  
  
"Costume?" Snape cried. "For heavens sake Gilderoy you used to dress like this too, although admittedly you wore slightly um...gaudier robes than this."  
  
Lockhart raised an eyebrow. "I did? My dear fellow I think you're very much mistaken."  
  
"Right, well how do you know about Hogwarts then?" Snape demanded.  
  
"I thought it was called Loverts...although now you mention it Hogwarts sounds more familiar.." Lockhart mused and then he started and stared curiously at Snape. "How do you know about my imaginary world?" He demanded.  
  
"Because your "imaginary" world is n-" Snape began, and then stopped. Telling Lockhart what had happened might not be the best move. No, he needed advice instead. "I don't know, maybe I've just heard people talking about it or something..."  
  
"Oh yes, well that would make sense." Lockhart agreed with a smile. "I better get back to the set, I've become invaluable to Mr. Hampton. Did you know I was the one who knew where the Leaky Cauldron was? Funny isn't it, people who have lived here for ages didn't know, but I did."  
  
"Funny." Snape agreed, and as Lockhart left his trailer he sank down onto the chair. Of all the people to turn up on the set the last person he would ever have expected was Gilderoy Lockhart! He'd have to make sure to send an owl about it later that night!  
  
*****  
  
"Professor we're having lunch now if you want to come and get some." Adam called a little later on. Snape had been half asleep in his chair, and he jumped up at the voice.  
  
"Now?" Snape called back.  
  
"Yes now, it's sort of a first day lunch thing, and Mr. Hampton wants everyone to be there." Adam explained, as Snape opened the door of his trailer and came out. "Oh! If you want to get out of your costume and into something more comfortable between scenes you're allowed you know."  
  
Snape frowned. "I'm fine like this." He said icily. If he was going to be honest it really was beginning to get to him with the muggles repeatedly referring to his clothes as a "costume". Hadn't they ever seen any other wizards on the streets of London and other parts of the country? After all the Ministry was based in London so there certainly were other wizards around.  
  
Snape and Adam walked towards a huge table which was laden with various foods. It reminded Snape of the beginning of the year feast at Hogwarts. The feast which he would miss this year due to this movie!  
  
"Help yourself to anything you want Professor." Adam told him. "And have as much as you want!"  
  
Snape took a plate and piled it high with various foods. The woman, Emma, who was playing Wendy was standing nearby with another woman and the two were laughing about something. Snape favored them with one of his coldest looks- one usually reserved for someone like Potter! The second woman nudged Emma who sighed and then walked over to him.  
  
"Interesting scene this morning hmm?" Emma asked.  
  
Snape shrugged nonchalantly. "Interesting." He repeated.  
  
"I just want to tell you that your sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. This is the twenty first century and we're all open to different things. I kind of guessed at it when you didn't want to hug me properly you see." Emma explained in a low voice.  
  
Snape stared at her. "My what?" He asked.  
  
"Your sexuality." Emma repeated. "There's nothing wrong with being gay you know."  
  
"Gay?" Snape repeated confused.  
  
"I mean if you'd rather love men than women that's fine." Emma said. "It's none of my business and I want to assure you that I'm a professional and I won't let something like this get in the way of our movie. I just hope you won't either."  
  
Snape realised all of a sudden what the woman was suggesting, and his face turned crimson. He remembered a similar taunt at school when he was younger because he didn't have a girlfriend! Although the word "gay" was a muggle word it had found its way into the wizarding vocabulary with exactly the same connotations. "I'm not gay you stupid woman!" He said angrily. "I have nothing against women- it's just certain TPYES of women I don't like." His hand moved down to his wand for the second time that day. He wanted to blast this woman away!  
  
Emma glared at him. "Right, so now we're talking the race issue are we?"  
  
Snape looked at her thoughtfully. She WAS a little larger than the average muggle woman! "There's nothing wrong with being part giant." Snape told her, keeping his voice low. Despite the fact that the giants were beginning to prove the stereotype they'd been landed with was not completely accurate he was sure she wouldn't want everyone knowing her secret. "Your people are proving us all wrong."  
  
Emma looked at him as though he were mad. "Part giant? You think you're funny do you?" She snapped. "Just because my skin is a little darker than yours you think it gives you the right to assume you're better than me? You assume it gives you the right to have stupid jokes at my expense? So my grandparents were gypsies, so what?"  
  
"Gypsies?" Snape repeated, looking around and wishing there was an escape route. He could just apparate away from here and never come back. Of course before he went he'd make sure to curse everyone who had made fun of his clothes, his acting, or just simply annoyed him that day!  
  
"Mr. Hampton is an equal opportunity employer and let me assure you Snape he would be more than annoyed to think you could be so petty. We have to work together Snape, so you better get over any issues you might have with my heritage." Emma warned him.  
  
"Right." Snape said, and he walked back over to the table to get more food. He had a feeling that the next few weeks were going to go very slowly indeed!  
  
*****  
  
Snape arrived back at the Leaky Cauldron that night with a sense of relief that the day was over. Tom grinned over at him. "You look tired Professor." He said. "Hard work?"  
  
Snape sunk down onto one of the chairs and put his head in his hands. "Why didn't anyone tell me how utterly stupid muggles are?" He asked with a groan.  
  
Tom laughed. "Because everyone already knows." He replied and Snape glanced up at him with a frown. "Anyway, you've only got a few more weeks right?"  
  
Snape groaned again. And then he realised he was actually talking to the innkeeper as though he were an equal. 'Wonders would never cease' he thought wryly. 'But I know one thing for sure: I'm never going to get to like muggles like Dumbledore suggested. Once this is over I'm never going near another damn muggle!' And that reminded him- he better send an owl to Dumbledore about Lockhart. If Lockhart could remember things like that now who knew how long it would be before the whole thing came back to him. Snape groaned inwardly at the thought of Lockhart being back to normal, with all his rubbish about being the winner of the Witch Weekly smile award and other stupid things like that. With a tired sigh Snape heaved himself off his chair and went up to his room to write a letter to Dumbledore with the news. 


	7. Visitors on the set

Chapter Seven: Visitors on the set.  
  
The door of Snape's trailer slammed shut behind him, his robes swished and narrowly avoided being trapped in the door and he stormed along behind the young man who'd been sent to retrieve him for the upcoming scene. The young man, who clearly didn't realise how close he'd just come to being turned into a frog, had come to Snape's trailer to get him and had simpered over the work the costume and make-up people had done with him. "You look like I always thought a wizard would!" He declared, and then added that obviously Mr. Hampton's staff were nothing short of geniuses. Snape had pursed his lips and held his temper remarkably well, after all he was beginning to get used to the way muggles thought he was always in costume.  
  
"You know today is a big day right?" Adam asked as Snape arrived on the set. The young man who'd been given the job of fetching him walked off and Adam gave Snape a jovial grin which quite frankly made Snape feel nauseous. He raised an eyebrow but didn't reply.  
  
"We're having a very important visitor on the set." Adam continued, looking at Snape strangely. "I can't believe you've not heard the talk over the last few days."  
  
Snape didn't tell him that he'd spent the last few days either debating to himself the complete extent of muggle stupidity and keeping an eye on Lockhart. "I must have missed it." Snape said, mentally adding 'Well enlighten me!'  
  
"The Prince of Wales is coming to tour the set. Apparently he and his sons are huge fans of Mr. Hampton's work and when he heard we were making a movie on wizards he couldn't resist coming to have a look!" Adam said. The look on his face was still slightly incredulous that Snape had no idea what he was talking about.  
  
Snape tried to look like he knew what Adam was talking about as he nodded politely. In reality he had no idea who the Prince was, although he was pretty sure the Prince would be nothing but another stupid muggle.  
  
"So give a good show okay?" Adam asked as Snape and Emma went to take their places for the scene.  
  
"Right." Snape muttered, and he turned to Emma who glared at him. She was still annoyed with him from the other day's lunch where he'd managed to insult her. He still thought it entirely likely that Emma WAS part giant and simply ashamed of it, but he wasn't about to bring it up again that was for sure. And the fact that she had thought he was gay certainly got under his skin.  
  
"And ACTION!" was called and Snape began to act:  
  
  
  
William: "I tell you Wendy that there's nothing to be worried about. Lord Voldemist has been dead for years."  
  
Wendy (scared): "I don't believe that. I'm sure he's out there waiting..."  
  
William: "I don't see what's brought this up again. Is there something you want to tell me Wendy?"  
  
(Wendy looks uncomfortable and turns to scrub the kitchen bench and avoid William's gaze.)  
  
William: "Wendy, sweetie, you know you can tell me anything."  
  
Wendy: "You're not going to like it William."  
  
William (slightly impatient): "Perhaps not, but I'd rather you tell me if things are bothering you than keep them bottled up inside."  
  
Wendy (sighs): "Okay, well a few months ago I decided to write to my parents. I knew you'd be annoyed after all the trouble we had with them, but I've missed them the last ten years, and I wanted them to know I'm well- we're well. Anyway I've been writing to Mum since then and she sent me something the other day out of "The Wizards Paper" and it made me think, because we're not back in the village we wouldn't know these things not having read a paper, but there was someone killed. It sounded quite a violent death from what I gathered, but then I wondered whether or not it had something to do with Voldemist."  
  
  
  
"CUT!" The director yelled as a large group of people walked onto the set. In the middle of them was a shortish, balding man who Mr. Hampton hurried over to. He bowed and shook the hand of the strange man.  
  
"Welcome to Hampton Studios your majesty." Mr. Hampton said.  
  
"Thank you. I must say I'm rather excited about this. It sounds like it's going to be a brilliant movie." The stranger said.  
  
"Well we certainly hope so your majesty." Mr. Hampton said.  
  
"What scene were you shooting when I arrived?" The stranger asked interested.  
  
"Wendy was telling William she'd been in contact with her parents even though when they eloped they vowed never to see or speak to them. But she's worried that the evilest wizard ever may be making a return. William is going to assure her it's nothing to worry about. However in the very next scene he ends up ringing up one of his old friends who's part of the wizard police to find out. I shouldn't really give out secrets of course but the bad wizard has something of a vendetta against William which Wendy doesn't know about." Mr. Hampton explained, clearly very happy to be explaining his work to this stranger.  
  
"It does sound very exciting. William and Harry are looking forward to the premiere I can assure you. Of course I'm looking forward to it just as much." He laughed, and most of the people on the set laughed with him. Snape didn't laugh, he didn't think the comment was at all funny. In fact, if he was going to be honest, he didn't think it was much of a comment at all!  
  
"Well let me introduce you to my lead actors and then you could watch us shoot the next scene if you want?" Mr. Hampton offered, and the stranger nodded.  
  
Emma came forward first and as Mr. Hampton introduced her she curtsied before the stranger and said "A pleasure your majesty."  
  
The stranger nodded. "Are you enjoying making this movie?" He asked her.  
  
Emma nodded. "Very much so. I'm honored to have gotten such a good part in a Hampton production, and I'm sure a movie like this is going to be very well received with the public." She told him.  
  
Mr. Hampton gestured for Snape to come forward. "And this is Professor Severus Snape, our William." He said.  
  
The stranger looked at Snape expectantly and he realised he must be waiting for him to say something. So he did. "Hello."  
  
There were muffled noises from the crowd, and Mr. Hampton shot Snape a dirty look.  
  
"Yes...well.." The stranger said. "A Professor you say? What are you a Professor of?"  
  
Snape opened his mouth to say potions, but then thought the better of it. Muggles wouldn't of course study potions in their schools. So he said "A professor of chemicals and that sort of thing."  
  
The stranger looked slightly confused and then shrugged. "Science then? Jolly good." He said.  
  
Snape shrugged and Mr. Hampton pushed him aside. "We better get back to shooting then." He declared.  
  
As the scene was set up Adam hissed at Snape "Why didn't you bow to him? I guess you're not a royalist. Mr. Hampton won't be impressed- he's the monarchies biggest fan."  
  
So that was why Mr. Hampton had given him the dirty look Snape realised. "No, I'm not a royalist at all." He said.  
  
Adam sighed and then shrugged. "Well by the time the Prince goes Mr. Hampton will likely have forgotten about it. You better take your place."  
  
*****  
  
Snape sat in his trailer later that day, his eyes glued to the muggle invention he'd become obsessed with. He'd happily watch anything from a children's program, to sport, to dramas, to soaps. A particular favorite of his was an American show called "Judge Judy" where muggles came into the room and stood before this other muggle who basically had the right to throw insults at them left right and center. It occurred to Snape that he could do that job with no problems. After the strange man had left the set that morning things seemed to feel a lot more normal. Whilst he had been there Snape felt that there was a strange, weird sort of atmosphere so he was glad to see the back of him.  
  
There was a knock on his trailer door and Snape sighed impatiently. He was beginning to get annoyed by all the knocks on his door to come and do this, or that. Especially when they interrupted a show he was enjoying!  
  
"What?" Snape asked irritably.  
  
"Professor Snape?" Called a familiar voice.  
  
"Come on in." Snape called. The door was opened and Hagrid squeezed himself into the trailer. He looked around in interest.  
  
"So this is how the muggles live then." He said in wonder. "Ain't no wonder yer wanted ter be here."  
  
Snape sighed. "What are you doing here Hagrid?" He asked coldly. After all he had to remember the man was nothing but a gamekeeper and therefore nowhere near equal to a Professor.  
  
"Well Dumbledore sent me ter see yer. He thought he might make the muggles suspicious n' all." Hagrid explained. "The thing is, Professor Snape, we've got ter get Lockhart to the ministry. They're pretty worried 'bout him yer see."  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow. "And how exactly are we meant to get Lockhart to the ministry may I ask Hagrid?"  
  
"We just got ter take him." Hagrid explained. "I thought yer could come up with a good excuse bein' a smart professor n'all."  
  
Snape eyed him coldly. Was he making fun of him? If he was reminding him of the time only a few weeks ago where he'd had to rescue him Snape would have no hesitation in getting his wand out and teaching that oaf a lesson or two!  
  
"'N Dumbledore said ter get yer to come up with somethin'." Hagrid added, and Snape relaxed.  
  
"Right." Snape said. "I think I've got an idea!" 


	8. The Ministry of Magic

[A/N. My apologies if this chapter isn't as good as my other ones. I've had a cold the last month or so and it's really beginning to get to me! However I just couldn't stay away!]  
  
Chapter Eight: The Ministry of Magic.  
  
Snape realised that Hagrid was waiting for him to speak. "We'll tell him we're taking him somewhere to show him something, and instead we take him to the Ministry." He explained. "And as we both know Lockhart's as thick as dragon hide, so it doesn't have to be particularly brilliant- we could tell him we're taking him anywhere."  
  
Hagrid nodded and didn't say anything, and Snape thought that Hagrid was certainly on an equal par with Lockhart in the thickness stakes. Before he could comment on this however there was a knock on the door and someone called "We're about to shoot the phone call scene Professor."  
  
Snape sighed and got up, and then stopped. "Hagrid, why don't you wait here? We don't really need you on the set arousing suspicions do we?"  
  
"Right, I'll wait here then Professor." Hagrid said agreeably, and he eased his huge body into a chair, making the trailer groan slightly. Snape shook his head and hurried over to the set. Luckily he'd done some research on what the muggles called a "telephone" and how to work it. Plus he'd seen a "phone call scene" on a muggle television show the other day also.  
  
Adam came over to him to explain how they were going to shoot the scene. "Because we're going to later shoot your friend on the phone to you and switch back between the two of you someone is going to read his lines so that you'll know when to speak." He explained.  
  
Snape nodded, and Adam leant closer. "Just out of curiosity did that giant man find you?"  
  
Snape was surprised- did Adam know about giants then? "He did thank you." He said, deciding not to ask him this.  
  
"Good, good. He's bloody big isn't he? I've never seen someone that size before. Friend of yours then?"  
  
"He's not my friend." Snape hastened to assure him. "He's the gamekeeper at the school I work at."  
  
"Gamekeeper?" Adam repeated, looking confused. "At a school?"  
  
"Well he's the only one who can look after some of the mag- ah." Snape trailed off.  
  
"Ri-ight." Adam said in a tone which implied he had no idea what Snape was on about, and looking at him strangely he moved off.  
  
"Take your place!" Mr. Hampton yelled and Snape did so as "ACTION" was called:  
  
  
  
(William picks up the telephone and dials a number.)  
  
Warrick: "Yes?"  
  
William: "Warrick? It's William."  
  
Warrick (surprised): "William? Good god man we thought you were dead or something. How have you been?"  
  
William: "Well thank you, as has Wendy."  
  
Warrick: "Good news. I'm assuming there is a reason you're calling out of the blue?"  
  
William: "I got my hands on a copy of "The Wizards Paper" the other day and in it I read about a killing and to be honest Warrick it seemed to me to be very like the work of Voldemist."  
  
Warrick: (sighing): "It sounds like it doesn't it? We're baffled at the moment though since nobody has reported anything about him coming back or what have you..."  
  
William: "But we both know perfectly well he might come back. And Warrick IF he comes back we also both know he's going to want to find me."  
  
Warrick: "Honestly William at the moment there hasn't really been any evidence of him coming back.but I'll keep you informed. Does Wendy know about it all?"  
  
William (sounding tired and worried): "No, she'd be worried sick if she knew. I couldn't do that to her."  
  
Warrick: "Of course it's not really any of my business, but don't you think she should know? Especially if it turns out she's in danger?"  
  
William: "I think I might just play it by ear at this stage. But keep in touch Warrick!"  
  
Warrick: "I will."  
  
  
  
"CUT!" was called and Snape was able to leave the set. As he left he caught Adam giving him another strange look but he ignored it. He had more important things to do. He'd decided when he was shooting the scene he'd tell Lockhart they were going to check out a costume shop and he wanted his advice since he was the one who knew all about the wizarding world. When Snape approached Lockhart about getting his advice he was more than willing to help. "Glad to be of service!" He said happily, and he followed Snape to his trailer to collect Hagrid. When the giant man came out of the trailer a funny look briefly crossed Lockhart's face.  
  
"Hello Professor Lockhart." Hagrid said.  
  
Lockhart stared at him. "A Professor? I'm a Professor? I think you might be a bit confused."  
  
"I'm not the one who's confused." Hagrid muttered, and Snape shot him a dirty look. Didn't he have a single brain in that large head of his? Hagrid shut his mouth and the three of them moved off into muggle London, and towards the Ministry.  
  
As they were waiting to cross the lights Snape heard a young child whisper to his Mum "Look Mum, aren't they funny looking people? That man is huge, and that other man is wearing funny clothes." Snape turned round to glare at the child in what he hoped was one of his meanest looks, and the child took a step backwards towards his mother, who shot Snape a dirty look. "You should be ashamed of yourself- scaring young children." She said angrily as the pedestrian lights turned green and they crossed the street.  
  
It wasn't too far to walk to where the Ministry was located. As with Hogwarts the Ministry was charmed so that any muggle who walked past thought it was just an empty old shop. They couldn't see the words "MINISTRY OF MAGIC" written in large gold letters out the front. Nor could they see that the building actually stretched up twenty floors.  
  
Lockhart hesitated as Snape and Hagrid walked inside. "I say, is this a magic shop then?" He asked. "Brilliant!"  
  
"Yeah, it's a magic shop all right." Hagrid said, and Lockhart followed him in.  
  
The reception was manned by a small wizard who was peering over the top of the desk at them. "Yes, may I help you?" He asked, his tone suggesting he was a little annoyed at the interruption.  
  
"Professor Severus Snape. I believe Professor Albus Dumbledore made an appointment for me?" Snape asked, leaning onto the desk.  
  
"Do you mind getting your arms off my counter?" The young wizard asked irritably. "I've just cleaned it."  
  
Snape removed his arms slowly and looked at the young wizard thoughtfully. "You remind me of someone you know..." He said. "Now if you don't mind I'm a very busy man, I don't have all day."  
  
A smirk crossed the young wizard's face. "Yes, we've heard about you here. Making a muggle movie I believe? Who would ever have thought that a Hogwarts teacher would do such a thing?"  
  
Snape's face turned pale, and before he could stop himself he had whipped out his wand and was pointing it at the young wizard, who's eyes widened behind his glasses. It wasn't as though the behavior of this one person had been particularly annoying, but Snape had pretty much had it with insults and muggles, and even wizards who didn't know how to behave with manners.  
  
"SEVERUS!" Called a voice. "Surely you weren't going to curse my receptionist?"  
  
Snape sighed and tucked his wand back inside his robes. "No Minister." He said subdued.  
  
"Glad to hear it. Dreadful business getting people who actually can do the job around here." Cornelius Fudge said with a sigh. He wiped at his forehead which was slightly sweaty. "As you can imagine we've got quite a lot on our plate what with Voldemort's return and all. Trying to keep it quiet this year while we were working on it and all. Which of course reminds me Severus, wonderful work of yours last summer. Couldn't have done without it. You'll be glad to know, of course young Potter is safe with the Dursleys again, and Figg is keeping an eye on him from next door as usual."  
  
  
  
'Simply delighted.' Snape thought sarcastically.  
  
Lockhart had been listening to this conversation with a half smile and now he said "Voldemort? Where have I heard that name before?"  
  
Fudge turned to him. "Ah Gilderoy, so it's true then. I must say I've missed your books."  
  
Lockhart looked annoyed. "I've repeatedly told these two gentlemen my name is Richard. As for books I have no idea what you're talking about."  
  
Fudge sighed, and then turned to Snape. "Glad you bought him. This could take some time mind you." He said.  
  
Snape shrugged. "To tell you the truth Minister I much prefer him this way, but I knew it was my duty to get him to you. We can't have him blabbing all our secrets to muggles now can we?"  
  
Fudge shook his head. "Indeed not, although Severus I have to admit your being in this muggle movie concerns me somewhat."  
  
"I can assure you Minister that in no way am I revealing anything from our world. What the muggles think the wizarding world is like is far removed from anything even resembling reality." Snape hastened to assure him.  
  
"Yes well, I think I might reserve judgment for now." Fudge said. "In the meantime I think I better get this man upstairs. Thank you for bringing him here Severus, and Hagrid too..."  
  
Hagrid shrugged and didn't say anything. Clearly he still remembered being put in Azkaban by the man a few years back. And it also had annoyed him that at the end of the year before he'd refused to even believe that Voldemort had indeed returned. It had seemed for awhile that Dumbledore was going to have to fight the evil himself. However over the course of the year Fudge had changed his mind, and now the entire Ministry knew that Voldemort was far from dead.  
  
"Right, well we shall be going." Snape said. "Good luck. Have fun Gilderoy."  
  
"Stop calling me by that ridiculous name!" Lockhart snapped.  
  
Fudge sighed again. "It looks like we've got some work ahead of us then." 


	9. A kidnapping on the set

[A/N. Good question as to why Snape didn't just disapperate out of London. I suppose he could have apparated to Hogsmeade and then gone on to Hogwarts from there, since presumably Snape would have passed the test years back. However perhaps, Snape being Snape, he wasn't about to let some muggle town get the better of him. Especially considering Hagrid can find his way around all right, and Snape thinks he's extremely superior to him! BTW: This chapter's title may make you think the chapter is about something other than it really is!]  
  
Chapter Nine: A Kidnapping on the set!  
  
Snape wasn't due back at the set until the next afternoon so he spent the morning wandering around Diagon Alley, glad to be among normal people once again. Nobody here would stare at his clothes and have the audacity to call them his "costume", and nor would they be anywhere near as stupid as muggles had proved themselves to be. 'Although', Snape thought wryly, 'Tom the innkeeper is certainly a few ingredients short of a potion.'  
  
Inside "Flourish and Botts" he bought himself some more parchment since he was running out, and shelled out a small fortune for a new quill which would magically refill itself when it ran out. Much more convenient than the usual one in Snape's eyes. He looked in "Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions" wondering what would be the reaction on the set if he turned up in something other than his usual black robes, however he dismissed the idea simply because he didn't LIKE anything other than his usual robes! He debated going in and having a look at the ingredients in the apothecary, but realised that if he did he'd be late to the set. More than likely Emma would be willing to point this out to Mr. Hampton, and perhaps even add in the fact that he wasn't a royalist (hard to be one when you didn't even know what a "royal family" was though!), so he left Diagon Alley through the Leaky Cauldron and made his way back into muggle London and to the studios.  
  
As soon as he walked onto the set he knew something was wrong- the atmosphere was tense and people were running about everywhere. It was Emma who spotted him first and came over to tell him the news: "Richard hasn't turned up for work this morning. He was meant to be here early to check the set for the wizard school for the memory scene, and he just didn't turn up. We sent someone to the rooms he is renting and according to the landlady he didn't come home last night. Mr. Hampton's in a right quandary, and he's thinking of even calling the police in. Something could have happened to him!"  
  
Snape, obviously, knew exactly where Richard, a.k.a. Lockhart was. He was still at the Ministry of Magic, and more than likely he wouldn't be returning to the set. Once they'd finished with him if he had his memory back he wouldn't come back to somewhere like this. If he didn't get his memory back then more than likely he wouldn't be back because all the images of his "imaginary" wizarding world would be gone. But he couldn't say any of this. Instead he said, "Maybe he got lost."  
  
Emma rolled her eyes. "In London? It's not that hard to find your way round here once you've got the hang of the cities layout. And that happens pretty quickly. No, only a moron could get lost in London." She said confidently.  
  
Snape felt his face begin to redden slightly. She didn't know he'd been lost of course, but the memory of it made his face burn. Luckily for him Emma was too concerned about the sudden disappearance of Lockhart to notice his expression.  
  
"Well we're going to shoot another scene and if he doesn't turn up by the end of the day we'll have to call the police." Emma said, and she hurried off to do something else.  
  
Snape knew what police were, he'd been watching a rather good English program called "The Bill" a bit lately, and it was all about police. Still he doubted that even the police would be able to find Lockhart. More than likely the studios were going to have to do without a technical advisor or find another one.  
  
"PROFESSOR!" Adam called. "Better get to make-up since we're going to shoot the scene were William tells Wendy why Voldemist might come after him. We'll skip the memory scene at school for now."  
  
"Right." Snape said with a sigh. He hated sitting in the make-up artist's chair as she chatted away like nobodies business. He wondered whether anyone would mind if he mixed up a potion to take away her voice and slipped it into her drink.  
  
"And how are we today Professor?" Amelia asked happily. "Isn't it such a gorgeous day outside? I always feel a bit disappointed that I'm in here when I could be outside enjoying the summer's day. On my breaks I race over to the park and sit in the sun for a bit, but it's not like some would. My sister is down in Brighton now and she was saying the weather there is simply marvelous. Makes one jealous doesn't it. Although with your pale skin I'm sure you stay out of the sun. Or if you do go in I bet you're lathered with 30 plus aren't you?"  
  
Snape wondered idly whether she had an on-off switch or not, and didn't say anything.  
  
"Man of few words aren't you?" Amelia asked with a laugh, as she applied a little more eyeliner to Snape's eyes. "Not the same can be said for me in case you hadn't noticed. I love to talk- always have. Mam says my first word came at only nine months old and I haven't shut up since. I used to always be in trouble at school for talking, but I simply couldn't help myself. Don't much like quiet, do you? And my nickname's always been "Blabbermouth". Could have taken it as an insult of course, but it was completely true so I don't mind being called that. I even talk in my sleep apparently."  
  
'I don't believe it!' Snape thought sarcastically. Mixing that potion was looking better and better by the minute. Luckily, perhaps for Amelia, she had finished with his make-up and he had to be on set.  
  
"Right," Mr. Hampton called. "I know you weren't prepared for this scene for a few days so just give it your best shot all right guys?"  
  
Emma nodded, and Snape hurriedly nodded also and "ACTION" was called:  
  
  
  
Wendy: "William I know something's been on your mind the last few days- in fact ever since the paper reported Voldemist's return. I know I've been kind of nervous about him- mostly for our little son's sake- but I've been thinking about it a lot and why on earth would he come to the middle of a city like this and know we were here and hurt us? It's not really very likely is it?"  
  
William (with a huge sigh): "There's something I've never told you Wendy, and I think I better tell you now."  
  
Wendy (forcing a grin and joking tone): "Should I sit down for this?"  
  
William: "Perhaps you better."  
  
[Wendy sits down on the couch and looks at her husband expectantly.]  
  
William (sighs): "It's like this Wendy. You know I went to Loverts right? Well while I was there a student by the name of Lance Volden was there. Later Lance would become Lord Voldemist; a name he thought would scare everyone, be they wizard or human. We were actually in the same year although we were never exactly friends. In fact enemies would be more appropriate. Lance was a pain in the neck and I couldn't stand his smart comments, nor the fact that he was obviously a dark wizard, so in our second last year I cursed him. It was only a harmless curse in my opinion but it went wrong and Lance almost died. He spent along time in the hospital, and then spent his last year at another school over in France. But he did tell me something before he left. He said, and I'll never forget his words, nor the expression on his face, "If it's the last thing I ever do William I'm going to get you back for that, and make you pay. One day the tables are going to be reversed and you're going to be kneeling before me, begging me to spare your life. But I won't listen. Lord Voldemist will show no mercy." That was the first time I'd ever heard him refer to himself like this, maybe he let his friends know, I don't know. A few years later was when he took the wizarding world by storm, killing people and wreaking terror upon us all. Then something happened, nobody knows what, and he disappeared for fifteen years. But now he's back, and Wendy, who knows whether he remembers what he said to me that day or not?"  
  
Wendy (visibly shaken): "My god William, how come you never told me this before?"  
  
William: "It would have only worried you, and we didn't know whether he was back or not."  
  
  
  
Suddenly there was a commotion which stopped both Emma and Snape in their acting. A bunch of who Snape knew to be police, had come onto the set and they were now speaking to Mr. Hampton, whose face went pale. He called for the cast and crew to gather round him.  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen something very serious has happened- Richard has been kidnapped." He said.  
  
There was a shocked outcry from the assembled people and Snape himself was just as shocked. What on earth were they talking about?  
  
"Has there been a note?" Someone called.  
  
"A phone call actually." Mr. Hampton said. "Someone rang the police station and said they were letting them know they had hold of Richard, and unfortunately would not be able to release him until certain conditions had been met."  
  
'Well of course,' Snape thought rolling his eyes slightly. 'They can't release him until they've worked on his memory. But who would be so stupid to ring the police and tell them this?' His thoughts went to the moronic young wizard on the front desk. Why hadn't Fudge let him curse the fool when he had the chance?  
  
"Anyway, we're concerned about the safety of you so we're going to have to hire extra security and take more precautions. This is going to become a closed set. Unless you're working here you don't come on. Visitors must be verified by the person they're visiting in the presence of another person. Our main actors will be escorted to and from the set daily, and anyone else who is concerned for their safety can request this also." Mr. Hampton explained.  
  
Snape sighed. It was all quite unnecessary, but of course Mr. Hampton didn't know this, and the phone call had only made things worse since now the police thought Lockhart had been kidnapped. He supposed when he got back to the Leaky Cauldron he should probably send them an owl to let them know what had happened.  
  
"I think we might stop filming today since no doubt this is a shock to all of us. Emma, Snape, get changed and we'll have someone escort you both home and you'll also be escorted back in the morning." Mr. Hampton said. "And lastly anyone who has any information which they think might pertain to this terrible incident please let myself and or the police know."  
  
Snape noticed Adam glance over at him thoughtfully and then back at Mr. Hampton and the police as he left the set for his trailer. It was a lucky break shooting being cancelled for the rest of the day since that meant he'd be able to see the B&B, he was hanging out to see what happened between Brooke and her daughter. 


	10. The police

Chapter Ten: The police.  
  
Snape was ready to leave the set when Mr. Hampton came up to him. "Listen Professor, we need you to do us a favor- could you accompany the police to the station for some questioning?"  
  
"Some questioning?" Snape repeated confused. "What about?"  
  
"Well it's just that some people seem to think that when they last saw Richard he was leaving in the company of you and the big hairy man, so the police want to ask you a few questions, that's all. No big deal." Mr. Hampton explained.  
  
Snape sighed heavily. "I don't see why we have to do this now. I've got something I had to do which was rather important."  
  
"I'm sure it was Professor, but surely you think Richard and his safety is more important?" Mr. Hampton asked.  
  
"Fine," Snape said. "But it better be quick!"  
  
Mr. Hampton led Snape over to where the two policemen were waiting for him. They led him out the front to their car. Snape hesitated- he hadn't ever been in a muggle vehicle and to be honest he wasn't too sure he wanted to be in one. They didn't seem very safe, and the muggle papers he'd been reading the last few weeks on the set were often full of car crashes and people dying in them. But from the looks on the faces of the police as they waited for him to get in he had no choice but to go in the vehicle. When he got in, they then got in the front and began the drive. Snape watched as the vehicle drove in and out of other vehicles, often making him close his eyes waiting for the moment they'd crash and he'd die. But to his surprise they made it to their destination intact. Snape was then led into the police station and a small room, filled with muggle equipment. One of the policemen disappeared but the other stayed there.  
  
"Just take a seat hey mate?" He asked Snape.  
  
'Mate?' Snape wondered, but he did as the man said and took a seat. A moment later the other policeman was back, followed by a woman police officer.  
  
"Before we begin do you want a drink of anything Professor?" The woman asked. "Perhaps a coffee?"  
  
"Coffee?" Snape repeated, and then shook his head quickly. He knew what coffee was but had no idea what it actually tasted like! He decided to go the safe option since he didn't know what muggles drank. "No, but I'd love a water."  
  
"Water it is!" She declared and when she went to get it the two policemen sat down in chairs opposite Snape's. The woman returned with the water in a plastic cup, which she handed to Snape before sitting down herself.  
  
"Okay, before we begin I just want you to know that this is merely a questioning session since it seems perhaps you were the last person to see Richard. Therefore we're hoping you might be able to provide us with some information as to what happened to him. I'm Detective Marsh, and this is Detective Saunders. By the door is Senior-Constable Williams." The first of the police said. He was the older looking one, and clearly it appeared he was in charge.  
  
Snape nodded to show he understood what they were saying, but in reality he was a bit confused about the whole thing. Did they know he'd taken Lockhart to the Ministry? Or at least to somewhere?  
  
"Firstly, apparently your real name is Severus Snape. Is this correct?" Detective Marsh asked.  
  
Snape glared at him. "Yes, that's my name." He said coldly.  
  
Detective Marsh didn't bat an eyelid. "And they tell me you're a professor. What University do you teach at? I thought it might be here in London, but I didn't find any record of you."  
  
"Well you see, Detective, " Snape began, mentally coming up with the reason. "I'm not really a Professor. I just thought it made my name sound more interesting. Stand out from the crowd so to speak." He gave him what he hoped was a good smile.  
  
"Ah, that's a good idea." Detective Marsh said nodding. "And it worked didn't it? Getting you a part in the movie?"  
  
"Mmm." Snape replied.  
  
"Okay, and have you met Richard anywhere before?" Detective Marsh asked. "I mean before the movie began shooting did you know him?"  
  
"No." Snape said. "I'd never seen him before in my life." Obviously he couldn't tell them where he really knew Lockhart from, and what had happened to him down in the Chamber of Secrets causing him to loose his memory of who he was, and what he did. Snape suddenly realised that the police were looking at him strangely.  
  
"Mr. Snape," Detective Marsh said slowly. "Something tells me your not being entirely truthful with us."  
  
"Fine," Snape sighed. "I had met him before, but I didn't think he'd want you knowing that I met him at the track once. Seems Richard had a bit of a gambling problem." If the police thought he'd had something to do with Lockhart's disappearance they'd keep an eye on him all the time, and what would happen if they worked out he wasn't your ordinary, everyday muggle? And this story seemed perfect to him since it was exactly what had happened on the movie he'd been watching in his trailer the other day! Apparently this "gambling problem" was a source of embarrassment to muggles.  
  
Detective Marsh nodded. "I see, no wonder he didn't want anyone to know..When you met again on the set did he seem to recognise you from before?" He asked.  
  
"No." Snape said truthfully. "He didn't have the slightest idea who I was."  
  
"Okay, now we'll get to the day when a few people reported seeing you leaving with Richard. Did you actually leave the studio with him?" Detective Marsh asked.  
  
"We walked out together, and we crossed the road together, but then we went in separate directions." Snape said. "We were talking about how marvelous some of his set designs and things are."  
  
Detective Marsh made a note on his notepad. "Okay, well the visitor you had? Apparently you introduced him as the gamekeeper at your school? Now as you've admitted to us you're not really a teacher- it's a stage name, who was this man?"  
  
Snape sighed. "As I said his name was Hagrid, and when I said he was the gamekeeper at the school I worked with that wasn't technically true. He IS a gamekeeper, however I went to school with him, but I thought it made my school sound very interesting. Added to the illusion of my stagename."  
  
Detective Marsh nodded. "Right, and this Hagrid and Richard they didn't know each other?"  
  
"Hagrid had actually heard of Richard, but Richard didn't know him, no." Snape replied.  
  
"Why had he heard of him?" Detective Saunders asked interested. "Are you two both gamblers or something? And maybe this Hagrid thought he could make a bet with Richard. Or maybe-"  
  
"Let him answer the first question you asked." Detective Marsh interrupted.  
  
  
  
"I have no problem with answering it all Detective." Snape said. "Hagrid had heard of Richard's thoughts about the magical world and that was why we were talking about that when we left the studio. You see Hagrid isn't, as you would say "all there" and the whole thing fascinates him. As for either of us being a gambler I have to tell you that I don't really have the money for that kind of hobby, and I don't think Hagrid would on a gamekeeper's salary that's for sure! We went to the track simply because a horse of someone we knew was racing that day and we wanted to see how it went."  
  
"I think he's answered all your questions Saunders?" Detective Marsh asked.  
  
Detective Saunders looked sullen as he agreed that he had.  
  
"Almost done Mr. Snape." Detective Marsh said. "Did you speak to Richard much during the shooting so far?"  
  
"Not really no." Snape admitted. "Only on occasions, and it was generally about how he came up with the ideas he did."  
  
"So you never noticed that he was upset or worried about anything?" Detective Marsh asked.  
  
Snape thought about the worried look in Lockhart's eyes when they'd left him at the Ministry the day before and shook his head. "No, never."  
  
"Okay, well I think that's it for now. We've got a car standing by out the front to take you to your hotel or wherever you're staying." Detective Marsh said. "And hopefully we'll be able to find Richard safe and sound soon."  
  
"Hopefully." Snape echoed dutifully.  
  
And that was it. He was allowed to go and get in the car out the front and be taken to his destination. Snape breathed a sigh of relief as he got in the car. He wanted to get an owl off to the Ministry as soon as possible so hopefully they'd be able to clear up this misunderstanding. As for the muggle police, well they were just like the ones on the television show he watched, and towards the end of the interview Snape was beginning to feel like he was in the television show!  
  
"Take me to the Leaky Cauldron my good man." Snape said to the man driving the car.  
  
"To the where?" The man asked confused. He turned around in his seat to look at Snape.  
  
"The Leaky Cauldron." Snape repeated. Was the muggle deaf or something?  
  
"I'm sorry, but I've never heard of the place. Where exactly is it? What suburb? What street?" The man asked.  
  
Of course Snape had no idea of either. "Don't worry about it, I'll find my own way back." He said beginning to get out of the car, but the man called to him to stop.  
  
"We're meant to be taking you everywhere." He argued.  
  
"Fine." Snape snapped. "Take me back to the studios and I can show you from there!"  
  
A little while later the taxi driver was dropping Snape off out the front of The Leaky Cauldron, looking a little confused. "Are you sure you know where you're going?" He asked.  
  
"Yes, it's just up that small road you can't drive up." Snape lied. "If I'm going to get picked up and dropped off every day now with this whole kidnapping scare then it's probably best to do it here. It would take even the most skilled driver half an hour to turn round in it, and backing out of it would be a nightmare!"  
  
"Right, well I'll let everyone know that." The driver said. "Good evening Professor Snape."  
  
Snape waited until he'd driven off before entering the Leaky Cauldron, and then he went straight to his room to send an owl, ignoring the questions from the stupid fool Tom about how the movie was going, and whether or not he was going to be famous soon? 


	11. Snape's mistake

Chapter Eleven: Snape's mistake.  
  
Snape sighed and shuffled from foot to foot in the cool London morning air wishing the car would hurry up and arrive. If he was to be forced to travel to and from the set in muggle cars surely the least they could do was to be on time? He thought about the magical cars, like the ones the Ministry often used; far more convenient but muggles would likely as not ever admit to that even if they knew it. If there was one thing Snape had learnt from this little exercise it was that muggles thought they were great! He remembered the owl from Dumbledore a few weeks back- maybe he should send him one that night and tell him how he didn't think he'd ever learn to like muggles!  
  
The car finally arrived and drew to a stop. There was a different man driving, someone who looked vaguely familiar to Snape, but for the life of him he couldn't remember where from. So he just nodded at him, got in and sat down. As they drove the driver chatted away making Snape crosser by the minute.  
  
"And of course they've still got no ideas where Richard is." The driver said. "Terrible business that isn't it?"  
  
"Terrible." Snape repeated.  
  
"And he was such an integral part of the team according to Mr. Hampton. I mean after all a lot of it was his vision wasn't it?" The driver asked.  
  
"Apparently so." Snape replied, staring out the window and hoping the muggle would get the hint.  
  
"You don't sound as though you liked him all that much." The driver said, glancing in the rearview mirror at Snape.  
  
Snape thought about the day he'd found out Lockhart was to be teaching DADA at Hogwarts and that he'd been overlooked for the position once again. And not only had he been overlooked, but he'd been overlooked in favor of that smarmy Lockhart, winner of Witch Weeklies smile. The thought made his blood boil and he frowned, but he didn't notice that the driver was looking at him thoughtfully.  
  
"Well here we are; Hampton Studios." The driver said and Snape got out of the car and walked in without a word of thanks to the driver. But what would he thank him for? For annoying him on the way and putting him in a bad mood? When Adam saw Snape walk in he gave him a little smile and then turned back to what he was doing.  
  
"Snape." Emma said, coming over. "I can't believe they still haven't found Richard. It's like he's disappeared off the face of the earth."  
  
Snape looked thoughtful. From what he knew of the world, and the way muggles had studied it for so long, this was highly improbable. "I don't think he can, can he?" Snape asked. "I mean the earth's round and all..."  
  
Emma looked at him as though he was a moron and then nodded slowly. "Right, well I better get to wardrobe. I see you're all ready for our big scene. I hope this one turns out well since the arrival of Lord Voldemist is the pivotal scene in the movie.." And she walked away, looking back over her shoulder at him once.  
  
Adam came over to him then. "Listen Professor, I just want to have a quick word. I hear from the police that they don't think you had anything to do with Richard's disappearance and I just wanted to say I'm sorry." He said in a rush.  
  
"Sorry for what?" Snape asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"For telling them I thought you might be suspicious..it was just, well when you looked at him sometimes you gave him funny looks.." Adam said, looking anywhere but at Snape's face. "So I sort of jumped to the wrong conclusion and I'm sorry. I hope this doesn't effect our working relationship?"  
  
Snape fingered his wand. So this was the reason that the police had taken him yesterday? And had Mr. Hampton also thought he might have done something to Lockhart? In all the confusion the day before he'd forgotten to send an owl off and decided to make sure he did so in his break today.  
  
"Professor?" Adam asked nervously and Snape realised he hadn't replied.  
  
"No problems." Snape said gruffly. "Excuse me, I've got to get ready." And he walked over to his trailer. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed a man lounging against the wall casually watching him. Again he looked familiar and Snape shook his head. All muggles were virtually the same after all weren't they? None of them had any brains.  
  
Inside his trailer he composed a letter for the Ministry explaining that the muggle police suspected Lockhart had been kidnapped and he wondered how much longer it would be before Lockhart was released? When he finished the letter he wished he had an owl, but decided he'd have to be content with sending it that night. However, as if by magic, an owl appeared at his window then with a letter for him. Snape took it, and gave the owl the one he'd just written. The owl flew off and Snape sat on his couch to read the letter:  
  
"Dear Severus,  
  
With only a week until school resumes I assume you're entering the last few weeks of filming. I wonder how it went, and how hard it was for you not to curse every muggle who even looked sideways at you. To tell you the truth Severus, I think this might be very good for you. Maybe you'll learn some patience and some understanding. On the other hand maybe you'll hate muggles even more than before?  
  
Anyway the reason I'm writing is far more serious than the idle chatter I've allowed myself to indulge in above. We have news that Lord Voldemort's following has increased in numbers over the summer. Perhaps the death eaters who were unsure of whether the rumors were true last year have realised they are true now? I want you to be especially careful Severus, after all, of all of us you are perhaps one of the ones most in danger especially after your mission at the end of last year when we discovered Voldemort's return from Harry. You chose to forfeit your membership and as we both know Lord Voldemort doesn't look kindly on these kinds of things. Arabella has sent Harry to the Weasley's house for the last few weeks of the holidays where spells have been upgraded for his protection. I must say though, that I am very impressed by the maturity a sixteen-year-old like Harry has shown throughout all this.  
  
I will rest easier when you're back here with us. In the meantime I hope you are enjoying yourself amongst the muggles. Fascinating creatures aren't they?  
  
Albus Dumbledore."  
  
Snape sighed and put the letter inside his robes and then made his way over to the set ready for the days' filming. Today they were filming the piece from the auditions Snape had stumbled across- the return of Voldemist.  
  
"All right Professor?" Mr. Hampton boomed.  
  
Snape nodded.  
  
"Emma?" Mr. Hampton called.  
  
"Right as rain." Emma called back as Snape went to take his place beside her. He thought about the weather outside- a little overcast but he didn't think that it was at all likely to rain. How stupid muggles could be sometimes.  
  
"Right, and ACTION" was yelled across the room.  
  
  
  
(Wendy grabs William's arm in fright as a loud bang occurs downstairs.)  
  
Wendy: "There's someone there William."  
  
William (sleepily): "It's probably the cat Wendy. Go back to sleep."  
  
Wendy (insistent): "William! Please! I'm really scared."  
  
(William sighs and gets up and leaves the room. A moment later he is back, a terrified expression on his face.)  
  
William: "Wendy, quick hide the child. He's here."  
  
(Wendy jumps up from the bed.)  
  
Wendy: "Who?"  
  
William: "Lord Voldemist. Hide yourself and the child. It's me he's after."  
  
(Wendy grabs William's arm.)  
  
Wendy: "NO! I can't just let him hurt you. I can't just-"  
  
William: "For gods sake Wendy, think of yourself, think of the child. Move, hide before it's too late! I'm going downstairs to face my destiny."  
  
Wendy (tearfully): "I love you William."  
  
William: "I love you too- Now go! Hide!"  
  
(Wendy leaves the room at a run and William picks up his wand from the dresser. He stares at it for a moment, and then slowly leaves the room.)  
  
  
  
"And CUT!" Mr. Hampton called. "Brilliant work you two! Absolutely brilliant! I'm glad to see our few script changes worked, especially the name Wendy and William, and the name of the evil wizard. It sounded so much scarier."  
  
*****  
  
"Are you ready to leave Profe- uh Mr. Snape?" The driver asked later that afternoon.  
  
Snape nodded curtly and the two walked out of the studios to the car. For some reason the driver was silent on the way home, unlike that morning when he hadn't shut up. Snape sighed and closed his eyes as he leant against the window, glad that the muggle fool had actually got the picture that Snape didn't want to talk to him! Without realising it Snape fell asleep. The car going over a large bump startled Snape and his eyes shot open. Instead of being near the Leaky Cauldron they were on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, or so it appeared to Snape anyway.  
  
"What on earth is happening?" Snape asked. "Are you mad?"  
  
The driver laughed as he stopped the car. "Mad? Me?" He repeated. "Oh that's a good one, SEVERUS SNAPE!" He snorted as he got out of the car. Snape scrambled after him.  
  
"What on earth are you doing?" Snape yelled. "I'm meant to be taken back to my rooms. I've got an early start in the morning and I can't afford to gallivant in the country."  
  
The driver sighed as he leant against the car. "Firstly we're hardly gallivanting are we? And secondly we're only fifteen minutes out of London, so it's hardly the country." And then, to Snape's surprise, he peeled off his hair and his moustache to reveal he was none other than Detective Saunders.  
  
Snape gasped and jumped back in shock. "No wonder you looked familiar." He said. "Detective I must insist you take me back to the Leaky Cauldron at once."  
  
Detective Saunders shook his head. "Have some patience Snape, if that's your real name that is." He said.  
  
"I've told you it's my real name." Snape said coldly. "I don't understand what is going on here and I don't like it one bit." If he was going to be honest not only was he confused, but he was a little bit frightened. He didn't know what was going on, and he didn't like it at all.  
  
"I didn't believe you when you said you had nothing to do with Richard's disappearance. Marsh might have, but you can't fool me. So I thought I'd do a little secret undercover work. I saw the look on your face this morning when I asked about Richard, and it was a look of pure evil. And what kind of normal human being has owls arrive with letters?" Detective Saunders asked.  
  
Snape realised then that the detective was the one who was standing by the wall watching his trailer. "Listen Detective, I can explain." Snape said.  
  
"I hope so," Detective Saunders said, and he pulled out a grey object which he pointed at Snape. "But just in case this is a little, shall we say, persuasion for you to tell me the truth? I solve this crime and there's a promotion there for me. I'm not letting that go Snape."  
  
Snape was silent for a moment, wracking his brains as to what the grey object was and then he remembered: it was something muggles used to kill each other. They pointed it at someone and with a loud bang the other muggle would die. He supposed it was their version of a wand. His wand! He realised with a great deal of relief that his wand was in his robes where he had it every day. But he had to tread carefully; although this Detective was not smart, he was anxious and in Snape's opinion this could be just as dangerous as brains. "Okay Detective, let me tell you everything." He said, his hand on his robes where his wand was hidden. "Richard, is not Richard. He's Lockhart and he's a wizard. Like me. He taught at Hogwarts for a year but something happened and his memory was virtually wiped. Although I guess we hadn't counted on him retaining things and thinking they were part of his imagination. When I realised how perilous this was, that he could expose our entire world, I took him to the Ministry of Magic where he is at this very moment. No big deal, since he'll be released soon enough."  
  
The detective was staring at him incredulously. "You're not evil, you're just barmy. You need a straightjacket you do." He said. "Don't worry Snape, I'll make sure they put you in the nicest asylum around."  
  
Snape sighed and pulled out his wand. As he'd hoped the Detective sneered at it, not believing a word of Snape's story and thinking he was merely crazy. Snape pointed the wand and yelled "Expelliarmus!" The gun flew out of the Detective's hand and Snape caught it neatly.  
  
The detective stared at him in fright. "You didn't believe me did you?" Snape asked with a cold smile so familiar to those at Hogwarts. "I'd love to just get rid of you, but that can't be done I'm afraid. Instead I'll just have to alter your memory a bit."  
  
Suddenly there was a popping noise beside Snape and the Detective's jaw dropped. Dumbledore was standing there with a funny look on his face. "Severus, I think perhaps we should probably take him to the Ministry first so they know what's going on."  
  
"But Headmaster," Snape protested. "He was going to kill me, or put me in some kind of asylum. I only did what I had to do."  
  
"Be that as it may Severus it's best if we do this properly surely?" Dumbledore suggested calmly.  
  
Snape sighed and nodded. "Yes Headmaster. But it better not take too long, I've got to practice my lines. We've only got nine days left of filming and then we're just reshooting bits before I come back to school."  
  
Dumbledore laughed. "It won't take too long I'm sure Severus." He said. "After all surely the Ministry won't want to get in the way of a star like yourself."  
  
  
  
[A/N. I know this was a longer chapter than usual, but it had to be because I couldn't really put this stuff in the next chapter which is likely to be the end of filming.] 


	12. The end of filming

Chapter Twelve: The end of filming.  
  
Snape sighed as he read through his lines again. Today was the last day he'd be required on set unless Mr. Hampton called him back to reshoot certain bits, but Adam admitted that this was highly unlikely. "Trust me Professor, you did wonderful." He told him the other day. Nonetheless Snape had told them that if they needed him to leave a message for him at the Leaky Cauldron and he'd come back.  
  
"It's hard to believe we're almost done hey Snape?" Emma asked him, coming over to him holding her script in her hand. She seemed to have gotten over his attitude and now was nice enough to him. And the fact that "Richard" had been found had eased the tension of everyone on the set. They'd received a phone call from him the other day where he explained his mother was taken ill suddenly and he'd had to go and see her, and regrettably he couldn't come back to the set, but he added, that it seemed as though everything was under control anyway. Snape knew that what had happened was that the finest wizards in the ministry had restored Lockhart's memory and he knew that there was no way he could continue to give out valuable information on their world. Another interesting thing was that Detective Saunders had suddenly appeared to have developed some sort of memory problem, and was currently on sick leave. Snape's lip curled whenever he thought about him- to think he'd wanted to put Snape in an asylum and now he should be in one himself.  
  
"Yes." Snape said, suddenly realising Emma was waiting for him to respond. "Although I have to admit I'll be glad to get back to my normal life." In the last week or so Snape had managed to keep his temper remarkably well, and hadn't even wanted to curse a muggle. He supposed he was simply getting used to them, a thought which caused him to shudder. But once he got back to Hogwarts he thought it would be a very long time before he ventured out to deal with muggles again that was for sure!  
  
Emma laughed. "Normal life?" She repeated. "Snape- you're going to be a star when this movie comes out. Life is not going to be ordinary for you again. And as a star you're going to have certain duties to fulfil."  
  
"Duties?" Snape repeated confused.  
  
"Hasn't anyone told you yet?" Emma said, shaking her head. "Well for starters we have to promote the movie. We're booked for both a morning talk show over here, and when the movie premieres in about two months we'll have to do the whole red carpet thing. And then when the movie's due out in America in a few months we're meant to be attending the premiere there as well and going on a chat show over there."  
  
Snape frowned. "Well that's just not good.." He mused. "I've got to be back at work teaching soon, no time for that kind of thing."  
  
"Didn't your agent go over the contract with you?" Emma asked. "When we signed we agreed to the two television shows and the two movie premiers, although I'm sure we'll get a lot more publicity than that. Especially the two of us being the stars and all..."  
  
Snape groaned inwardly. By the sound of it he was going to have to leave Hogwarts on a few occasions. But he was determined that he wouldn't do a thing more than was in that lot of paper they called a contract.  
  
"Alright gang!" Mr. Hampton called. "Let's get this show on the road and get this last scene in the can so we can then have a drink or two to celebrate."  
  
Snape and Emma got in their places and then "ACTION" was called and the scene began:  
  
  
  
Wendy: "I am so glad this is all over and that terrible wizard will never bother anyone again."  
  
William (tiredly): "Wendy, I'm not going to lie to you. There's every chance that Lord Voldemist can come back and cause more trouble."  
  
Wendy (confused): "But you defeated him!"  
  
William: "I defeated him for the time being. The thing about Lord Voldemist Wendy, is he's a genius. He could have thought of many ways to come back again in the future. When someone as smart as him is as determined as he is to become the ruler of the wizarding world they don't give up. If there's one thing I remember from school it's that he is one stubborn person, never gave up on anything."  
  
Wendy: "So we're not safe then?"  
  
William: "For now we are. We might be forever, I'm just warning you that's all."  
  
(Wendy leans her head on William's shoulder as he gazes into the distance.)  
  
Wendy: "I guess we've just got to take things as they come then?"  
  
William: "I guess so. There's no point worrying in advance is there?"  
  
  
  
"CUT" was called for the last time and it was all over. The weeks making the movie had at last come to an end. The cast and crew all hugged each other in triumph, while Snape stood there for a moment wondering what he could do. Finally he moved away, planning on going back to his trailer for the last time and then collecting his things and getting to the Leaky Cauldron and back to school. But before he could move too far away Mr. Hampton stopped him. "I just wanted to congratulate you on some wonderful work Professor." He said. "I can see the talent you've got in you and you're going to go far."  
  
Snape frowned slightly. "To tell you the truth Mr. Hampton, I don't think I'll act again. It was just once, just sort of...well an experiment of sorts."  
  
It was Mr. Hampton's turn to frown. "I hope you don't mean that Professor. After this movie comes out you're going to be famous everywhere." Someone called Mr. Hampton then and he turned and hurried away.  
  
His place was taken by Adam who urged Snape to come and have a drink with him. "What do you drink Professor?" Adam asked. "Champers, wine, beer?"  
  
Snape thought about it. When he occasionally went into Hogsmeade and to Honeydukes he ordered a butterbeer or mulled mead. "I guess I could have a beer then." He said, realising that he clearly had no choice in the matter.  
  
  
  
"Goodo!" Adam said jovially and they went over to get their drinks. Snape, feeling quite thirsty took a large sip of his drink and then gagged. It tasted terrible- all bitter and strange.  
  
Adam looked at him strangely. "What's wrong with the beer Professor?" He asked.  
  
"Oh," Snape hastened to assure him. "Nothing of course, I just don't feel too well. Maybe I'll give it a miss and get going."  
  
"Get going?" Adam repeated. "But we're going to celebrate."  
  
"Be that as it may I've got to get back to work tonight if possible, so I really should go now." Snape explained.  
  
"But Professor you must wait for Mr. Hampton's speech before you go." Adam protested. "It would look terribly rude if you just left."  
  
Snape was tempted to tell him that he WAS rude, especially when it came to muggles, but didn't. Instead he sighed and took another small sip of his drink. It wasn't as bad this time, and he took another sip. Not bad after all. Maybe the muggles actually knew something after all- how to make a drink?  
  
Mr. Hampton's speech was, Snape reflected as it finished, a let down. He'd had to wait around for this? Mr. Hampton stood in front of them all with a huge smile on his face. "Well gang, we did it!" He said, and everyone cheered and clapped. Mr. Hampton waited for them all to subside before continuing. "I won't make this too long since I know you all want to get on with the celebrating. Firstly I have to thank my wonderful crew- without them nothing would have been possible. I should thank Richard even though he's too busy with his sick mother to be here, but it was his visions that really gave our movie a life of it's own. And of course I've got to thank my cast- Snape, Emma, Henry, Chris, everyone. They all played their roles superbly, and I am convinced when the movie comes out everyone is going to think they're real wizards the way they did it. Which leads me to thank our wonderful, fabulous wardrobe and make-up crew who did a brilliant job in making ordinary humans look like extraordinary wizards. In closing I'm sure this movie is going to be the most successful movie in a long time and it's thanks to every single person here that it will be! And now- let the partying begin!"  
  
Snape decided that meant he could leave, and as he was leaving the room Adam called out to him "Sorry you couldn't stick around Professor but we'll see you at the premiere!"  
  
Everyone heard him call and a few people also called out goodbyes, which Snape grudgingly returned. Soon he was back at the Leaky Cauldron knowing that it was awhile before he had to at least mix with any muggles again, a thought which made him sigh with relief. They really were very annoying, and very stupid!  
  
Tom smiled at him. "All done playing the muggle movie star Professor?" He asked.  
  
"Yes thank Merlin." Snape replied. "It'll be great to get back to my ordinary life as a Hogwarts Professor."  
  
A strange look crossed Tom's face then, one Snape didn't like. "Uh Professor?" Tom asked.  
  
"Yes?" Snape replied coldly wondering what on earth the moronic innkeeper was up to now.  
  
"It might not be quite an ordinary life exactly.." Tom said. "I've had Rita Skeeter in here, you know from the Daily Prophet. I'm not quite sure how she found out about your movie, but she did, and I think she is planning on writing an article about it. Soon everyone's going to know what you did."  
  
"Great." Snape growled. He'd read the work of Rita before and it certainly had never impressed him. But then, as Dumbledore had told him when they were at the Ministry the other day, surely he couldn't expect nobody to know about the movie? Snape had replied that he wished nobody would, but in the event people did know he wouldn't speak about it, because he wanted to be just a potions master and nothing more. So even if Rita did write an article about it and him he decided he didn't care because by then he'd be back at work like usual.  
  
Seeing Tom was looking at him thoughtfully Snape added, "Let her write what she wants. I'm going back to work and I'm not planning on doing anything like this again, it was simply an experiment that as an academic I couldn't have passed up." Then he went up to his room to gather his things and make his way back to Hogwarts, back to normality.  
  
  
  
[A/N. Just because the filming is over doesn't mean this story is over. I probably should finish it because it might become too long otherwise, but to tell you the truth I'm really enjoying writing it, so I'm not planning on ending it there at the moment.] 


	13. Back to Hogwarts

Chapter Thirteen: Back to Hogwarts.  
  
"Welcome back Severus, how was your..holiday?" Professor McGonagall asked the next morning, a smirk playing around her mouth. Snape had arrived back at Hogwarts late the night before after leaving the party and the Leaky Cauldron, and after going to have a quick look at his office he'd gone to bed. Now he was up for breakfast and he wasn't too impressed with McGonagall's smart comments, but he'd learnt a little restraint during his time with the muggles and he nodded and muttered that his holiday had been fine thank you.  
  
"You'll be glad to know that both Albus and I have been taking your potions class so there is no problem with anyone being behind." McGonagall continued.  
  
"Glad." Snape muttered, his eyes sweeping around the Great Hall. At the Slytherin table he noticed Malfoy showing off his prefects badge, and then he glanced over to the Gryffindoor table, where of course, Granger had a prefects badge shining brightly from her uniform. Beside her Potter had one too, but his was half covered by his robes. Snape sighed; thinking how there was only two more years left before Potter was gone.  
  
"Professor Snape," tiny Professor Flitwick, the charms teacher, leant over to him. "I read about you in the paper this morning. A muggle movie star how interesting."  
  
"In the paper?" Snape repeated his eyes narrowing. Even though he had told Tom yesterday that he didn't care what Rita Skeeter wanted to write about him the idea of everyone knowing about what he'd done didn't sit well with him. He was sure students and staff, as well as other wizards and witches would be talking about him and this didn't impress him too much. All he wanted was to get on with his teaching and forget the moment of madness which had made him curious enough to agree to be in the muggle film.  
  
"You made the front page." Professor Flitwick said, and he handed Snape the paper. Snape felt, rather than saw, that a few of the teachers were looking at him waiting for him to read the paper, so he folded it up, muttered something about not being very hungry and took it away to read.  
  
Once encosed safely in his classroom Snape unfolded the paper and sure enough on the front paper was a photo taken of him during the filming, although how Rita had gotten her hands on it was beyond Snape. The headline screamed "HOGWARTS PROFESSOR IN MUGGLE MOVIE MADNESS!" Snape glowered and then his eyes moved down the page to the article:  
  
"Professor Severus Snape, the potions master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has made an interesting foray into the muggle world during the school holidays. Snape plays William in a new muggle movie yet to be titled dealing with the life of wizards. A few interesting coincidences are apparent within the movie, such as Loverts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and the name of the bad wizard in the movie bears a striking resemblance to a well-know wizard in our world. However when interviewed Adam Minton, assistant to director Mr. Hampton, explains that the technical director, a man by the name of Richard, came up with all the details from what he sees as "his imaginary wizard world in his mind." Minton assured this reporter that Snape did not come up with any ideas for the movie, and was merely an actor, adding that Snape's acting skills were exemplarity. "Snape has great talent, especially for this line of work. Despite his adamant protests we hope that he reconsiders and returns to this line of work. Unfortunately Snape had no plans other than to return to his previous job when we last spoke." Whilst in London this reporter spoke to Tom, innkeeper of the Leaky Cauldron where Snape spent his time during the filming, and Tom confided that it was highly unlikely Snape would ever make another movie. "I think this will be a one-off thing for him." Tom told me. "After all- he couldn't stand the muggles, and he returned here each night looking grumpier than usual." I would like to leave the last word to Snape on his experiences within the muggle world, and more interestingly the muggle world of movies, and as to whether he has any future plans other than teaching at Hogwarts, however Snape did not agree to be interviewed for this article."  
  
Snape frowned as he refolded the paper. Overall the article wasn't as bad as might have been expected from Rita, except for the fact that she made it sound as though she asked him to comment and he refused, and Tom's comments about him looking grumpier than usual. Snape wished wholeheartedly that he'd cursed him when he had the chance. However she'd made it clear that the experience was not going to be repeated, and he hoped that meant people would take him seriously as a teacher, and nothing else. A noise outside his classroom made him look up, and a moment later the sixth year Slytherins and Gryffindoors were filing into the classroom. Most of them were chatting about something, and he saw one of the Gryffindoors give him a furtive look, which alerted him to the fact that they'd already seen the mornings paper.  
  
"Right, sit down, hurry up. We don't have all day. Longbottom just for once could you be a little faster? Honestly if you were racing a turtle you'd lose." Snape snapped, standing up and moving to the front of his desk.  
  
Longbottom stopped and stared at him confused. "A what Sir?" He asked.  
  
"A turtle." Snape repeated. "A muggle animal known for being very slow Longbottom. I take it you don't do Muggle Studies."  
  
Longbottom bit his lip and then took his seat next to Potter, who was gazing at Snape with a funny expression on his face. Snape wished he could give him detention for it, but as yet he had said nothing, nor done anything which could even slightly justify the punishment.  
  
"Okay, I've spoken to both the headmaster and Professor McGonagall about your progress and let me remind you that with this being your sixth year here it is a very important year. Next year you will be taking your NEWTS which will determine whether or not you will get a good job when you leave here- some of you I expect will not, some may. So perhaps this year we can have a little more work put into our class." Snape said, and then he noticed Malfoy's hand in the air.  
  
"Yes Malfoy?" He asked with a sigh. It wasn't that he didn't like Malfoy- he liked him well enough considering he was in Snape's own house, and he had an attitude which Snape admired greatly. Malfoy earned the admiration of Snape from the very beginning, perhaps something to do with the fact that he didn't like Potter? At the moment though Snape wished Malfoy didn't have to ask a question considering he knew what it would be about.  
  
"I just wanted to know Sir, what it was like working with muggles?" Malfoy asked, his face alight with interest. "I don't know how you managed to stand them!"  
  
There was a slight murmur from a few people around the room. The Malfoys were what was known as pureblood, that is no muggles were present in their family lineage, and as such they considered themselves a cut above other wizarding families. Snape, for his own part, was also a pureblood and he although he didn't like muggles very much at all, unlike families such as the Malfoys he understood that ideas such as keeping Hogwarts only full of purebloods were not feasible. After all most wizarding families had muggles in them somewhere. And a few of the students were also muggle borns who had no idea that they were wizards or witches until they got their Hogwarts letter.  
  
"Horrible." Snape said. "Muggles are as stupid as I've always thought and this academic experiment of mine only confirmed it. I can assure you all that I will not be doing anything like that again. This is where I belong. And for the record we will not be discussing my journey with muggles again. Now- the lesson."  
  
Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Weasley muttering something to Potter who grinned broadly. "POTTER!" He snapped.  
  
Potter looked up innocently. "Sir?"  
  
"Tell me, Potter, what you know about self-serving potions and the rules of the Ministry concerning them?" Snape asked, leaning back on his desk, his arms crossed across his chest.  
  
Potter frowned slightly. "I don't think we're up to that yet Sir." He said.  
  
"Ten points from Gryffindoor." Snape snapped as Potter stared at him angrily, but he kept his mouth shut.  
  
"Okay, now for the lesson if that is all right with you all." Snape said, opening the book beside him. A small smile flitted across his mouth- the potions master was back where he belonged. The fact that he had to go to at least four events for the movie later on in the year conveniently escaped his mind for the moment. Back in his dungeon classroom Snape was in his element. 


	14. An interesting proposition

Chapter Fourteen: An interesting proposition.  
  
Snape was up to his nose in papers from his second year potions class and was happily making red notes all over them covered with crosses and markings when something made him stop. The noise of the owl tapping on the window of his study startled Snape and he jumped before he realised that it was only an owl, and he hurried to let it in. The owl swooped into the room along with a blast of hot air from outside and he hurriedly shut the window and turned to the owl. Then he got his second shock in the last minute- the owl was no longer an owl. It was now a wizard who was regarding him thoughtfully. A wizard with bright fuchsia robes and long silver hair, and a strangely familiar look about him.  
  
"What the hell is the meaning of this?" Snape demanded angrily. How dare this wizard just enter his study like this?  
  
"Professor Severus Snape," The wizard bowed slightly. "I am indeed indebted to meet you."  
  
'In-what?' Snape thought as he walked back over to his desk and sat down again, regarding the strange wizard with a cold look. "As I asked, what is the meaning of this?" Snape repeated.  
  
The wizard laughed. "You didn't say that." He said.  
  
"I bloody well did." Snape snapped. "A moment ago- are you stupid?"  
  
"You actually said what the hell is the meaning of this the first time, and the second time you neglected to put the hell in." The wizard explained.  
  
Snape gritted his teeth in anger. "Listen, I don't know who you are, or what you want, but I'm very busy and-"  
  
The wizard interrupted. "I know you're very busy Mr. Snape- you're famous after all." He said, coming over to him and sitting in the chair opposite uninvited.  
  
"Who are you?" Snape asked bluntly. He wasn't going to sit here and play games with this freaky looking wizard. He wanted him out of his study now!  
  
"My name is Leroy Lockhart." The wizard replied proudly tossing his long hair over his shoulder and preening at Snape. "Surely you've heard of me?"  
  
"Lockhart?" Snape repeated slowly. "Are you by any chance related to Gilderoy?"  
  
"Gilderoy's my little brother. Of course I was always the more handsome one of the family, but Gilderoy got all the fame! His books were always best- sellers, every witch in our world was in love with him.." He sighed, and then shifted in the chair.  
  
Snape sighed and twirled his quill in his fingers wondering where this was going. It was no point pulling out his wand and putting a spell on the annoying wizard since if he was anything like Gilderoy he'd probably just keep on talking! And besides, Dumbledore would be angry if he learnt that Snape had cursed a visitor to Hogwarts.  
  
"Anyway for years I've been battling Mr. Snape, making my way in life while my little brother spent his time giving out autographed photographs of himself, so let me tell you I wasn't exactly displeased when I learnt about his problems down in the Chamber of Secrets." Leroy continued with a slight smile. "Unfortunately now he has his memory back and he's thinking of writing a book tentatively entitled "My battle with the Basilisk" but whether he does or doesn't remains to be seen."  
  
Snape yawned. "As fascinating as the life and times of the Lockhart brothers is to me I really am rather busy with this marking." He gestured to the papers. To his surprise Leroy leant over and grabbed one from the top.  
  
"Ah, anti-ageing potions are they really feasible?" He read. "Interesting. Of course if anyone ever comes up with one which doesn't have terrible side effects I am sure they will be swamped. Some people aren't as lucky as I am with my natural looks; I don't look a day over fifty do I? And would you believe I'm really approaching two hundred!"  
  
Snape merely raised an eyebrow. Leroy Lockhart seemed to be as arrogant and in love with himself as Gilderoy was!  
  
"I think I better get to the point Mr. Snape." Leroy said, and Snape mentally thanked Merlin for that. "Now that Gilderoy has his mind back he's sure to begin writing books again and wowing the wizarding world- or more accurately the female wizarding world- with his great looks, talent and charm. All of which he learnt from me mind you, but do you see him mentioning that? And further do you see anyone actually remembering there is another Lockhart brother once good old Gilderoy is back in the spotlight?"  
  
Snape leant forward in his seat and regarded Leroy thoughtfully. "I don't see what this has to do with me." He said.  
  
"I assume you read the Daily Prophet?" Leroy asked, and Snape nodded. "I also assume you read the piece Rita Skeeter did on you last week?"  
  
A dark look crossed Snape's face as he nodded again. "I read it, along with every bloody student and teacher in this place. Things are getting better now, but for awhile they were all looking at me and laughing. I tell you Lockhart I am never doing something like that again if this is the reaction I get. Luckily I'm back here doing what I love, where I belong." He burst out.  
  
Lockhart smiled a calculating smile. "So the article didn't exactly impress you I take it?" He asked.  
  
Snape snorted and thought of what he'd do to that Skeeter woman if he ever got his hands on her.  
  
"Well Mr. Snape, it's your lucky day today." Leroy said with a smile. "You're looking at the world's greatest reporter."  
  
"You?" Snape asked shocked. "I can't say I've ever read any of your work."  
  
Leroy sighed and shifted in his seat again. "Well you would have, you just wouldn't know it was me. You're looking at.." He took a deep breath. "Witch Wilhemina, the agony aunt for the wizarding world."  
  
Snape roared with laughter as Leroy sat there his face beet red. When Snape had finally stopped laughing he wiped away the tears from his eyes. "I needed that thank you."  
  
Leroy shook his head. "The thing is Mr. Snape I could be a brilliant writer, I know I am. I just never get given anything to work with other than witches wanting to cure warts or something like that. Mr. Snape, I know you don't like my brother do you?"  
  
Snape was shocked at the unexpected turn in the conversation and he shrugged. "He's not my favourite person no." He said diplomatically, wondering what this wizard really wanted.  
  
"Oh come now Mr. Snape, we're friends here. The truth is you and I both have the same feelings for Gilderoy- we resent him." Leroy said. "I resent him because I get pushed to the back and ignored and you resent him because he got a shot at the Defence Against the Dark Arts position you've always wanted."  
  
Snape frowned. "How do you know that?" He demanded.  
  
"I'm a reporter Mr. Snape, I have my sources." Leroy said, waving his hands as if to dismiss the question. "Further I know that after the accident in the chamber you were heard to remark on the fact that it was a good thing. You said it was the only good thing Weasley and Potter had ever done in their life."  
  
Snape glowered at him. "I don't know where you got this from."  
  
"But it's true?" Leroy demanded a smirk on his face.  
  
"And so what if it IS true?" Snape asked with a sigh. "You would know only too well I am not the only one to be annoyed by your brother. Wizards all over would have wished that accident on him too."  
  
Leroy nodded. "For sure." He said. "Of course wizards all over couldn't have had the opportunity to actually put a memory charm on him themselves and then alter the memories of the boys involved so that they agreed with his story.."  
  
Snape felt his face grow pale in anger, and his lips tightened. "I hope you're not suggesting-"  
  
"Mr. Snape, Mr. Snape, I'm not suggesting anything." Leroy hastened to tell him. "I'm just merely thinking out loud. I apologise if I offended you."  
  
"What do you want?" Snape asked wearily. He wanted to get rid of the strange wizard and get on with his marking. Besides that afternoon was also the first Quidditch game for the season with Gryffindoor playing Slytherin. Potter had been made Captain in his fifth year and Weasley had made the team as a beater this year replacing one of his twin brothers since they'd left the school. And Malfoy was also captain for Slytherin so Snape was expecting an interesting match to say the least.  
  
"I want to write about you." Leroy said, his eyes glittering with excitement. "I want to write the greatest story ever, and you want to refute Skeeter's article right? We both need each other Mr. Snape."  
  
The first word on Snape's lips was "no" but then he hesitated. "What exactly would this story entail?" He asked.  
  
Leroy, sensing Snape was weakening, began to explain his "vision" as he called it. A brilliant potions teacher, a man with the highest of morals who decided as that it would be an experience to star in a muggle film.  
  
"And would the article focus more on the fact that I work here than anything else?" Snape asked slowly. "It wouldn't be all movie fuss would it?"  
  
"No of course not. Sort of a "the man behind the movie star" type of thing, although naturally I'll need to mention the movie a little bit especially with it coming out next month and all." Leroy explained. "And the best thing is it would make Skeeter eat her words."  
  
Snape began to smile. "Well I'd rather see her eating other things, but I suppose her words is a good start. Of course this is only on the understanding Mr. Lockhart, that the article would not be mainly about the movie and junk. Although my opinions on muggles would be very interesting to the article."  
  
"I promise you will have the final word on what the article says and doesn't say Mr. Snape." Leroy assured him. "I just want to write a brilliant piece and that's all."  
  
"Okay," Snape sighed. "I guess we've got a deal then."  
  
Leroy beamed. "You won't be sorry." He promised Snape happily.  
  
A strange look crossed Snape's face as he replied. "I better not be sorry Leroy or you'll find that you will also be sorry. VERY sorry."  
  
  
  
  
  
[A/N. So there you have it: Snape's first proper interview is going to be in a wizard publication, but somehow I doubt it will prepare him for what he's going to face very soon- that is the muggle world of television, papers and fans as he still has his contractual obligations to Hampton Studios coming up in the very near future....] 


	15. The daily prophet

[A/N. Before I really go on with the story I thought it would be interesting to have the article Leroy Lockhart proposed he write in the previous chapter. I've thought about the article Leroy was planning on writing a few times since I wrote the last chapter the other day, and bits of the article just kept popping into my head until I decided I may as well share the article with everyone else! This chapter therefore might be a little shorter than the usual ones, but I don't think that really matters.]

Chapter Fifteen: The Daily Prophet. 

****

"STARRING SEVERUS SNAPE AS HIMSELF!"

The Man behind the muggle movie star.

Professor Severus Snape, potions master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, admits to having the somewhat dubious honor of being the first wizard to star in a muggle production, the Hampton studios produced "William the Wizard" due out in muggle cinemas later next month. Snape hastens to admit it wasn't exactly a planned event. "I was in London on an errand when I ran into the auditions. I didn't even have to audition as such since Mr. Hampton decided on the spot I was the perfect wizard for his movie." Snape explains, with a wry grin. "At first I wasn't so sure about it, but the idea began to grow on me. After all I am an academic and I decided that I should view this as an academic experiment only." When this reporter questioned the Professor of Muggle Studies at Hogwarts, Professor Acacia Herringbone, she told me that Snape's idea was a brilliant one. "To be able to study muggles in certain environments would be marvelous. And the fact that they are making a film about wizards would only add to the interest. I am eagerly awaiting discussing the experience with Professor Snape!" Other prominent wizards have agreed with her views on the academic merit of Snape's excursion into the muggle world. 

Snape then spent the next few weeks in London filming for the movie, which he concedes, has eerie coincidences to our own world. "When I read the script a few things jumped out at me, such as the Wizarding School being named Loverts. It wasn't until production began that I met the man behind these names- none other than Professor Gilderoy Lockhart. It turned out that his memory charm from a few years back wasn't as strong as he thought, although he did believe that the things he came up with were only in his imagination." A strange look crosses Snape's face as he says this, and it is only later that I learn how some have accused Snape, albeit not directly, of perhaps spilling secrets to the muggles. This reporter hastens to correct these rumors. When contacted the Ministry of Magic remained generally tightlipped about any occurrences, however they did concede that Gilderoy Lockhart had been brought into the Ministry by Snape believing that our world was entirely a product of his own imagination. And that as a consequence the wizards had reversed the memory charm inadequately dispensed by Gilderoy in the first place, and he is now living a normal life again. 

Snape, happily enclosed back in his dungeon classroom at Hogwarts, is reluctant to discuss the muggle movie with us too much, although he relents when asked what muggles are really like. "In reality muggles are pretty stupid," He admits. "Their ideas of what a wizarding world would be like are so far from the mark that it's laughable. And the things that they have invented to take the place of magic, and to make things easier for themselves, are sometimes far more complicated!" As for the movie: would he do it again? Snape's lip curls disdainfully at the question and he responds dryly: "Wild hippogriffs couldn't drag me." So is Snape glad to be back where he belongs? "I'm very happy to be back here- this is home to me really, and I feel like I'm doing what I was born to do." He tells me with a big smile. When I asked the headmaster of Hogwarts, Professor Albus Dumbledore for a comment on Snape's return he told me that the entire staff and student body of Hogwarts were glad to have their potions master back. He added that "Professor Snape has perhaps the best potions brain Hogwarts has ever seen." Interestingly enough whilst Snape didn't mention it this reporter discovered that in his time as a student at Hogwarts Snape gained a very impressive seven OWLS and seven NEWTS. Further Snape gained his Masters and Doctorate in both potions and Defence against the Dark Arts. 

In conclusion Snape, a brilliant potions master and academic mind, has had an experience most wizards are unlikely to ever have, but as he tells us it's one they could do without. After all who would swap mixing dangerous potions, and crafting young minds to the subtle art that is potion making, who would want to spend their time as a muggle movie star? Certainly not Professor Severus Snape who's main pressing concern at the moment is to see Slytherin house, of which he is head, win the House Championship and Quidditch Cup this year. 

LEROY LOCKHART REPORTING FOR "THE DAILY PROPHET." 


	16. Contracts

[A/N. Sorry, but you'll have to excuse the fact that this chapter is shorter than the usual ones. I didn't want to continue it on with the television appearance because then the chapter would be huge. Rest assured the next chapter will be back to the normal size! Also I know this isn't as good as the other chapters, but for some reason I've been having trouble writing it- hence the fact that it's taken me so long. Not to worry though, the proceeding chapters are not going to present a problem for me at all!]  
  
Chapter Sixteen: Contracts.  
  
Much to Snape's surprise- and delight- after Lockhart's article on him appeared in "The Daily Prophet" the commotion surrounding him and his movie appearance seemed to have died down. No longer were students giving him furtive looks with cheeky smiles on their faces, and no longer were other teachers asking him stupid questions about various aspects of muggle life. Although Professor Herringbone HAD tried to corner him on a few occasions to discuss the "fascinating lives muggles lead", leaving him no choice but to make up an excuse and flee. Now when Snape walked the corridors of Hogwarts he felt as though he'd never left, as though he was part of the foundations of the thousands of years old castle even! Unfortunately Snape's newfound contentment was about to come to an abrupt end with the arrival of an owl a few days after the article was published. Snape was sitting in the staff room when one of the school owls flew in with the delivery. He grunted his thanks at the owl, who waited to see whether it would get any tidbits off the teacher, and realising there would be none, fluffed it's feathers angrily and flew out of the room. Snape sighed as he turned the letter over. There was no seal on it, so he had no idea who it was from. As he opened it a small note fell out from Tom the innkeeper. "Professor, for some reason correspondence seems to keep coming here for you. However as I am pretty sure that I can't pass on your proper address I shall continue to forward them for you." Snape knew immediately that the letter was something to do with the muggle movie and with a resigned sigh he unfolded the first of the two pages and read it.  
  
"Dear Sir,  
  
I write on behalf of Connie Simpson, host of "Good Morning London" in regards to your appearance on the show. You are scheduled to appear Monday week, that is Monday 15th October. As it is a morning show we require our guests to be at our studios by 6:30 a.m. in order to make sure everything is running smoothly. If there is anything specific you will be requiring either in regards to your dressing room needs, or topics you wouldn't like Connie to broach on the show, please notify me as soon as possible so I am able to make the proper arrangements. I look forward to meeting you next Monday.  
  
Yours sincerely,  
  
Pamela Booth, Producer, GML."  
  
Snape curled his lip and pulled out his wand and pointed it at the letter. A moment later the letter was nothing more than a pile of ashes, but Snape was still dissatisfied. He'd forgotten all about the muggle television shows and the movie premiere. Still what would they do if he didn't turn up? Curse him? He snorted with laughter and began to read the second page of the letter. This one was from Adam, and it wasn't quite as polite as the first one.  
  
"Dear Professor,  
  
I am enclosing this letter with the communication from GML in order to remind you that, despite your obvious reluctance, your appearance on the show is indeed mandatory. In your contract it specifically states that you will appear on the show on the stipulated date. Should you not turn up I am afraid we would have no choice but to begin legal proceedings against you. I am sure the last thing you would want at this time would be to spend some time in court?  
  
On a lighter note, Professor, it can't be all that bad can it? I've been notified by Pamela that Kylie Minogoue is to appear on the same show as you and Emma- in fact you are the guests following her, which is quite a coup for our movie you'll surely agree.  
  
In conclusion I'll be at the GML studios on the day of the filming and I expect to see you there bright and early and very happy to be on a show of the caliber of GML. Remember that your actions and responses on the show will reflect on Hampton Studios and the movie, and ultimately your payments for the movie.  
  
Adam."  
  
Snape frowned and a moment later the second letter had joined the first as a pile of ash on the table in front of him. He put his head in his hands and thought about his predicament. He hadn't actually seen this GML show when he was filming the movie, but he wondered whether it was anything like other "chat shows" he'd seen. There was one in particular which had really appealed to him, something called "Jerry Springer".  
  
It was in this thoughtful pose that Albus Dumbledore found him a few minutes later. "Something on your mind Severus?" Dumbledore enquired.  
  
Snape was about to say no, when it occurred to him that perhaps Dumbledore could clear a few things up. "What's it mean when a muggle says they will start legal proceedings against you if you don't do something you agreed to do?" He asked, wondering whether Dumbledore would laugh.  
  
Dumbledore sat down in the seat opposite Snape. "Let's see, I think it means that they will "sue" you, is their word for it. They take you to court- sort of like our courts, but filled with muggles and muggle rules- and then they present their case, and the judge decides whether you're guilty or not. Then if you are you either pay a fine, or go to a muggle jail. And muggle jails are not like Azkaban either."  
  
Snape looked confused. "You mean their jails are worse than ours?" He asked shocked. Every wizard and witch knew only too well of how terrible Azkaban was. Snape himself had never been there, but there was a time when he was sure he'd end up there after being part of Voldemort's followers. Many other death eaters had ended up there, and according to reports if they were still alive, which wasn't always likely, they were insane by now. People who went there on business, albeit briefly, came back shaky and white, and ate chocolate for hours.  
  
Dumbledore shrugged. "I wouldn't say so- there's nothing worse than Azkaban, but they're a different type of place. But Severus there's no way you'd survive in a muggle jail. You wouldn't have your wand nor your robes to conceal one in, you'd have to work, eat their food, be locked up, and worst of all socialise with muggles the entire time."  
  
Snape sighed again. It was just as he feared- he had no choice but to go on the muggle show. There was no way he was going to end up in a muggle jail! 


	17. Good Morning London, Part one

Chapter Seventeen: "Good Morning London" Part One.  
  
"Good morning Professor Snape!" Tom chirped at about five o'clock the proceeding Monday as Snape was stumbling into the bar, his eyes half closed. "Did you sleep well?"  
  
"No." Snape snapped. "I had probably the worst nights sleep in my entire life." He sat himself down on a stool wishing that he had thought twice about his plans to stay in London overnight. Getting up at perhaps three in the morning might have been preferable to the restless night he had just endured. And his mood was certainly no further improved by the fact that today was the day he was to appear on muggle television!  
  
Tom looked surprised. "Why was that Professor?" He asked.  
  
Snape glowered at him as he set a coffee down in front of him. "It might have had something to do with the rats." He muttered.  
  
"Rats?" Tom looked indignant. "I don't have no rats here Professor!"  
  
Snape snorted into his coffee. "Then I hate to think what the creatures running around were in that case. You should call someone in to look at them Tom- could be dangerous."  
  
Tom muttered something under his breath and walked off, leaving Snape to his coffee. Snape sighed and wondered what the muggle television show was going to be like, although he was willing to bet his entire life savings on the fact that it was going to be stupid and annoying. He put his head in his hands. Again he contemplated whether it would be like "Jerry Springer" and in his mind he imagined himself on the television screen:  
  
Emma comes out, her eyes ablaze with anger and says, "This man is gay. I know because he rejected me and only a gay man would do that. Look at me: I'm all that!" Snape glares at her and snaps "Yeah, all that and then some you fat whore!" The crowd go wild chanting "FAT WHORE! FAT WHORE!" Emma, however, is not about to take this lying down and she grins maliciously. "And I know who his boyfriend is!" She says. "He's backstage." Snape looks shocked, and then Connie yells out "COME ON OUT!" The crowd go wild again as Hagrid walks out looking bemused by the whole thing. "I don't even like Snape!" Hagrid says, but Emma snorts. "Whatever, speak to the hand!" she says holding it up towards him. "It's true!" Hagrid protests. "Snape's nothing but a slimy git!" The crowd laugh and Connie quips "So there's trouble in paradise then?" Snape is getting more annoyed by the moment, and he pulls out his wand, and there is a bright flash as the entire audience are cursed!  
  
"PROFESSOR SNAPE?" Tom calls. "Professor, wake up- you've got to get going to the studio."  
  
Snape starts, realising he had fallen back asleep and was dreaming. He can't help but shudder: he hopes this particular talk show is nothing like the imagined scenario. He scrambles up from his seat and hurries out the front where the taxi is waiting for him. The taxi driver gives him a grin as they start on their way.  
  
"My son can't wait until your movie is released. He's actually counting down the days until November 14. There's so much hype and build up for it." The driver commented.  
  
Snape was surprised. "There is?"  
  
The taxi driver takes his eyes off the road to give Snape a strange look. "Yeah, big ads in the papers, on the billboards, on the buses, teaser trailers on television. The premiere is going to be a huge event by the sound of it. I can't believe you didn't know that: where do you live, Timbuktu?"  
  
Snape didn't bother to answer, instead he sank back into his seat and contemplated what he'd just been told. Soon everyone would be talking about him, a thought which he found distinctly uncomfortable.  
  
True to his word Adam Minton was waiting at the studios when Snape arrived. A look of relief crossed his face when he spotted Snape. "Professor! I'm glad you came. I was dreading you not coming and having to sue you." He said. "Mr. Hampton was worried about it too of course."  
  
"I'm here," Snape muttered. "But I'm not happy to be here."  
  
Adam sighed and ran a hand through his already tousled hair. His eyes were tired and his face was pale. He looked as though he hadn't been sleeping much lately, but Snape didn't notice, and even if he had he wouldn't have cared. "We've been putting the finishing touches on the movie for the premiere in a few weeks time, and Snape, let me tell you now, this movie is looking wonderful. The special effects, they rival the ones in movies like the new "Star Wars", and the creatures, the made up ones, look better than the dinosaurs in "Jurassic Park" and we all know how well they came up." Adam explained. "What I'm trying to impress on you Snape, is how good this movie is going to be..ah, we have to sign in."  
  
At the desk a lady was sitting with a clipboard. "Appearing on GML this morning?" She asked them.  
  
"I'm not actually appearing, I'm Adam Minton, assistant to Mr. Hampton. Just making sure everything is running smoothly." He smiled.  
  
"And?" The woman asked, turning to Snape with a smirk. "Let me guess, with a get up like that you've got to be an actor."  
  
Snape opened his mouth to tell the woman what he thought of her rude comment, but Adam quickly answered that this indeed was "Severus Snape, star of the movie!" And the two of them were allowed in. A doorman pointed them towards Snape's dressing room and they went in.  
  
Snape was shocked at the room: it was pretty large and his eyes were drawn to a bunch of roses on the dresser, alongside a bunch of daisies. Both had cards sticking out from them. Snape yanked the card from the roses:  
  
"Dear Severus,  
  
I hope our appearance goes well. Good luck.  
  
Love Emma."  
  
Snape made a face and tossed the card aside. Adam picked it up and scanned it. "Hmm..maybe our Emma has a bit of a crush on our Professor?" He teased.  
  
"What?" Snape looked at him as though he was insane. "She hates me! I hate her. Our feelings are mutual."  
  
"Hate?" Adam repeated shocked. "My god Professor, hate is a strong word. And Emma's a lovely woman. Not only is she gorgeous, but she's also a wonderful actress."  
  
"Well if you like her so much why aren't you in HER dressing room?" Snape muttered with a frown, but Adam heard and shook his head.  
  
"Honestly Professor, sometimes I have to wonder about you. You don't seem to like people very much do you?" Adam asked.  
  
Snape wished he could tell him that he just didn't like stupid muggles, but he knew he couldn't, so he shrugged.  
  
"Fine," Adam said stiffly. "I think I might go and see how Emma is going."  
  
After he left Snape pulled the card from the second bunch of flowers, and read it:  
  
"Dear Mr. Snape,  
  
I've been hearing a lot about your upcoming movie in the press and I have to tell you I'm quite looking forward to seeing it. I should confess that I'm really a child at heart and the idea of a magical world fascinates me. I guess I've never grown out of the childhood fantasy of being a witch. I used to watch "Bewitched" re-runs on television when I was a kid, and the way Samantha wiggled her nose and made things happen..I used to long for it to happen to me. So much so that I often spent hours in front of the mirror trying to make my nose move like hers, and all I ever ended up with was a sore nose! I suppose it's lucky I am a singer instead of a witch though? I am glad we are appearing on the same show, and maybe after it's over we could have some coffee or something?  
  
Love Kylie."  
  
Snape snorted with laughter at the note. He wasn't sure who the note was from, other than some person who was going to be on the show called Kylie, but whoever they were they were clearly a moron!  
  
There was a knock on the door and Snape muttered for the person to come in. It was one of the staff members and they pointed at the television in the room. "The shows just beginning if you want to see Kylie on. You and Emma are on in fifteen minutes after the break."  
  
Snape looked thoughtful. "Kylie? Is she the one who left those flowers?"  
  
"Yeah, I believe Miss. Minogue left them there for you." The man replied.  
  
"Ri-ight." Snape said slowly. "And who exactly is this Minogue?"  
  
"Buddy if you don't know who that babe is you've been living under a rock." The man said with a shake of his head. "I'll be back to get you in ten minutes." He backed out, still shaking his head.  
  
Snape, filled with curiosity, turned on the television to see a blond muggle girl sitting with an older, brunette. The brunette was sitting behind a desk, so Snape assumed she must be Connie, and the other one Kylie.  
  
"And these recording sessions, are you planning a new album?" Connie asked.  
  
"Not just yet. We're working on a few songs, and there are so many it's going to be a big decision to work out which ones will be good enough for a new album and which won't." Kylie explained. "But that's not a bad thing, it guarantees that everything on the album will be good."  
  
"So, tell us about your new underwear range? What prompted that?" Connie asked.  
  
"It's called lovekylie, and they're basically feminine, but practical, and most importantly comfortable." Kylie explained. "We've launched them in Australia and they were pretty successful over there so we're hoping it might be the same case over here."  
  
"And did James have any input into it?" Connie asked with a grin.  
  
A strange look crossed Kylie's face. "No." She said. "It was all me."  
  
"I'm sure our audience all want to know: what is the deal with you and James at the moment?" Connie asked.  
  
"We're just friends, that's all." Kylie said.  
  
"You'd make a good actor as well as a good singer." Connie said with a small smile.  
  
"I don't know about that, did you ever see "The Delinquents"?" Kylie joked.  
  
  
  
"No but I saw you in "Neighbours." It's safe to say you've come a long way from tomboy mechanic Charlene." Connie said.  
  
Kylie laughed. "Definitely." She agreed. "But you know I'd never have gotten where I am today without Neighbours."  
  
Connie nodded. "I agree." She said. "Ladies and Gentlemen: Kylie Minogue. Look for loveKylie underwear, and keep an ear out for any new songs from her. After the break we chat with the two stars of perhaps one of the most eagerly awaited films not only here in the UK, but also in the world, "William the Wizard." I'm looking forward to that."  
  
"Me too." Kylie said. "I can't wait for the movie to come out!"  
  
The show cut to an add break, and almost simultaneously there was a knock on Snape's dressing room door. The man from before stood there. "Show time Mr. Snape." He said.  
  
Snape, very reluctantly, got off the couch and followed him out the room. Emma was waiting for him as was Adam.  
  
"Remember Snape: we're PROMOTING this movie not DEMOTING it." Adam said sternly.  
  
Snape thought briefly, how Adam had become more and more of a pain as time went on. At the start, during the auditions Snape had no big problem with him, but now he'd love to curse him, but then he and Emma were whisked on set and he had no more time to continue his thoughts. The lights were bright, and crew scurried about adjusting things. Snape and Emma were miked up and told that they were to stand there until Connie called them onto the set, where they would then walk on, smile into the cameras and take their seats for the interview. Behind him Snape saw Adam pacing nervously. Connie came back on, and sat behind the desk and someone counted her in, and then she was smiling into the camera.  
  
"And our next guests play the two main roles in "William the Wizard" a Hampton production due for release here on November 14th. Let me welcome to the show Emma Kempsey and Severus Snape...."  
  
Snape felt someone nudge him, and he and Emma walked onto the set..  
  
  
  
[A/N. Reading this back to me two things occurred to me. Firstly the relationship between Snape and Adam. I realise it's never been the best, but it seems now as if Snape really hates Adam. Well he does, and he resents the fact that Adam made him come on the show. I'm thinking that in the near future their relationship might deteriorate even further..  
  
It also occurred to me whilst writing this chapter that the date for the release of the movie would be in November in the UK, and as such it would still be at the cinemas when the muggle children are on holidays. And not just the muggle children, but also the muggle born wizards at Hogwarts...  
  
Stay tuned for developments! *teasing grin*] 


	18. Good Morning London, Part two

Chapter Eighteen: "Good Morning London" Part two.  
  
"SMILE!" Emma hissed at Snape as they walked over to the chairs next to Connie.  
  
"I AM!" Snape hissed back at her.  
  
Connie stood up to shake their hands and then they all sat down. "It's good to have you both here." Connie said.  
  
"It's good to be here." Emma replied, and Snape nodded mutely. Good wasn't the exact word he'd use. He glanced over off the set where Adam was standing watching intently.  
  
"So, the movie is called "William the Wizard" and it's out here on November 14th. In the press release we've all seen that Mr. Hampton's gone with a relatively unknown cast here. Emma, you've been in two movies, but this is your first major role. And Severus you've never been in anything. Mr. Hampton made a point of letting us know you haven't even ever been interested in acting, is that correct?" Connie asked.  
  
Snape nodded. "Yes." He said.  
  
Connie raised an eyebrow, but ploughed on. "So what made you decide you wanted to audition for this part?" She asked.  
  
"Well I didn't actually audition as such." Snape said. "I was um..lucky I guess." He sounded as though he thought he were anything BUT lucky.  
  
"I see." Connie said slowly. "So what did you think of the movie itself, and indeed the experience of making it then?"  
  
"Well um." Snape said. "It was certainly an interesting experience.."  
  
"Okay," Connie pressed on. "And is it one you care to repeat? Are we going to see Severus Snape on our screens in the sequel to this, or other movies?"  
  
"No." Snape said quickly. "I'm a teacher you see, and my life basically revolves around my profession."  
  
"A teacher!" Connie exclaimed. "How interesting, a lot different to acting hmm? And what do you teach?"  
  
Snape hesitated. "Um.chemistry." He said remembering this description from during the making of the movie.  
  
"So you're a scientist?" Connie asked. "Severus Snape-Scientist?"  
  
Snape nodded.  
  
Connie turned to Emma. "So what was it like working with Severus here? I've heard girls gushing over the pictures of him on billboards and things lately. Was he fun to work with?"  
  
Snape felt himself cower into his seat a little. Not only was he on muggle television, but he was about to be humiliated with Emma telling the world what a pain in the butt she found him. He remembered his daydream that morning and felt sick. But then he realised what she was saying:  
  
".So it was always fun. That's the way it is when you make a movie though I think. The other actors and the crew become like your second family whilst your there." Emma was explaining, while Connie nodded sagely.  
  
Snape was shocked.  
  
Connie smiled at Emma. "Sounds like you love the job then. Unlike Severus here I'm sure you're going to continue acting."  
  
"Well I hope so." Emma said with a laugh. "As long as I can get the parts."  
  
  
  
"I'm sure you having a part in this movie would go along way towards that." Connie assured her. "Can you tell me about your character, Wendy?"  
  
"Well Wendy is an interesting character. At first you get the impression she's kind of weak, always relying on William for everything, but as things start to happen, as things get dangerous for them, she seems to have this inner strength. And she's very loyal. She has a chance to escape- I can't tell you more than that or I'll be in trouble- but she chooses not to. Instead she stays beside her husband who she's been in love with since she was a child. She's the perfect foil for William too." Emma explained, her eyes lighting up as she talked about her character.  
  
"I see." Connie said, and she smiled over at Snape. "And what about William Severus? How would you describe William?"  
  
"Well.." Snape said, overly conscious of all the muggles on the set waiting for his response. "He's a wizard.he well he's a good person. He's brave.uh..." He trailed off, wondering what to say, and why all these muggles were hanging on to his every word.  
  
Connie laughed. "Well clearly Severus here doesn't want to give away too many secrets." She said. "I guess you want everyone to see the movie instead hey Severus?"  
  
"Yes." Snape said, nodding.  
  
"I better not annoy you hey, or you might get your wand out and kill me." Connie joked and Snape raised an eyebrow. He could hardly tell her that he'd love to get his wand out and curse her.  
  
"I've always thought that the idea of another world, full of witches and wizards is a fascinating one. All them wandering around with their magic wands, putting spells on everything. If I had the choice I'd make myself invisible. I bet if there was such a world a lot of people would do that so they could see or hear things they shouldn't." Connie confessed with a laugh.  
  
"Well," Snape said. "Not just every wizard or witch can do that."  
  
Connie looked surprised, as did Emma. "They can't?" She asked.  
  
Snape realised he was getting into dangerous territory here, so he decided that he'd have to be careful about his answer. "You see there would be a lot of people in this imaginary world right, but only a certain percentage of them would have been able to go to a wizard school- Loverts in our case. And it is this percentage who could be able to do things like this. Sure the other ones can use magic, and they can go to schools as well, but nothing like Loverts. Loverts would be the one where all the top witches and wizards go. So whilst the others could perhaps do magic, even if they didn't go to a school at all, they would most likely not be able to do that kind of advanced magic."  
  
Connie looked impressed. "Well there you go. You learn something new everyday don't you?" She asked.  
  
Snape thought that he hadn't learnt anything new today: he all ready knew how stupid muggles were.  
  
"Emma, I know you probably don't want to talk about this, but there have been rumors about you seeing another British actor by the name of Jamie. Is there any truth in this?" Connie asked.  
  
Emma looked thoughtful. "Well Jamie and I actually grew up together. Our parents were friends so we've known each other forever. I've been to movie premiers with him and things like that when he's needed a date. But as for us "seeing each other" I think that's a little bit far fetched."  
  
"And what about you Severus?" Connie asked. "Are you single?"  
  
"Yes." Snape said.  
  
Connie smiled. "Well I am sure there will be a lot of girls out there glad to hear that. And I'm also sure they'll be out to change your status." She assured him.  
  
Snape feverently hoped that this was not so. The last thing he wanted was some muggle girlfriend!  
  
"Well I want to thank you both for coming along today. It's been a pleasure to meet you both." Connie said.  
  
"It's been a pleasure to meet you too." Emma said.  
  
"Yes." Snape agreed with her.  
  
"Right, "William the wizard" opens in cinemas here on November 14th, so get along to see it. It sounds like it's going to be a very interesting movie." Connie said, and she smiled brightly for the camera, whilst Snape sat beside Emma with the biggest smile he could manage, feeling like a moron himself.  
  
The camera's stopped, and Connie's smile disappeared. "God," she said to Snape. "Interviewing you is like interviewing a bloody clam. For your sake I hope the audience just think you are the strong, silent type or you might be in some trouble."  
  
Snape didn't know what to say, so he said nothing, and just stood up.  
  
"Although," Connie continued. "Coming in wearing your costume was a nice touch."  
  
Snape glared at her. He now had more than enough! "It's not a costume you stupid woman." He said. "The only one around here wearing a costume is you and it looks as though you've eaten a few too many pies since you wore it last."  
  
Connie's jaw dropped and Snape saw Adam drop his head into his hands. There was silence on the set, while everyone waited for Connie to respond. She smiled coldly. "Really?" She asked. "Listen buddy, I can make and break them, and don't test me or your career will be over before you can so much as click your fingers."  
  
Snape laughed. "Didn't you hear what I said woman? I don't WANT a career. Unless you're planning on ruining my teaching career, which I doubt you can, I think you should stop talking crap."  
  
"SNAPE!" Adam roared from the sidelines. "Enough! Get off the set. Connie has to get ready for her next guest."  
  
Snape hesitated, and he gave Connie one of his coldest looks, one that made students at Hogwarts shiver. "Don't test ME." He warned her and he turned and walked off.  
  
Behind him he heard Connie ask Emma "Is he always like that?"  
  
Emma laughed awkwardly. "Well typical temperamental artist." She joked.  
  
Adam followed as Snape walked towards his dressing room. "Honestly Snape, that was a bloody disaster." He complained to him. "If Emma wasn't there the interview would have been a flop."  
  
Snape didn't respond, he just continued walking towards his dressing room. However he soon stopped in his tracks. Standing out the front of it was the girl who had been interviewed earlier: Kylie.  
  
"Hi Severus," She said, standing up from where she had been leaning against the wall. "Interesting interview. Your first?"  
  
Snape nodded slowly.  
  
"Well you get used to them and then it's just like having a goss over coffee to a friend." She assured him. "I'm sure it won't have hurt your movie's chances in any way for the audience to think that you're shy, and not used to the spotlight."  
  
"Shy?" Snape repeated with a smirk.  
  
"Well," Kylie grinned. "You've got to let them think things like this you know. It's all publicity."  
  
"Yeah, and it better help the bloody film or I'll kick his arse." Adam snapped. "I mean for heavens sake Snape, you could have volunteered more than no and yes."  
  
"Some stars are private people." Kylie argued. "The audience are either going to think he's not wanting to give anything away, or he doesn't like talking about himself, or perhaps that he's uncomfortable with his new found fame."  
  
Adam snorted and stormed into the dressing room. "I'll be waiting Snape." He snapped, slamming the door. Snape glanced at the closed door, and then back at the muggle girl who was standing there.  
  
"So," Kylie said. "What about that coffee?"  
  
"Well.." Snape hedged. Up close she was very pretty indeed, but she was a muggle, and muggles were stupid. There was no way he could afford to get involved with a muggle girl, no matter how pretty she might be. "I think Adam and I've got a few things to discuss."  
  
Kylie laughed. "Who does he think he is anyway? Is he a nazi or something?"  
  
"A nazi?" Snape repeated confused. "No, he's an assistant to the director."  
  
Kylie laughed, not realising that Snape hadn't known what she meant by nazi, and thinking he was making a joke. "All assistants are the same, be it in the acting industry, or in the music industry. They're power hungry, and they want to get further in then they are.I tell you, the assistant producer for this film clip Robbie Williams and I did together- he was a nazi too! I could have killed him. But Robbie loved him!" She laughed again.  
  
"Mmm." Snape said, nodding slowly.  
  
"So, I guess we could take a raincheck on the coffee then?" Kylie asked.  
  
"Sorry?" Snape repeated, even more confused.  
  
"We'll do it another time." Kylie said.  
  
"Oh.." Snap said, and he decided that this might be the only way to get rid of her. "Right.another time."  
  
"Here." Kylie said handing him a piece of paper. "My number. Call me. And I'll see you at the movie premiere- there is no way I'm going to miss that. I suppose you've already got a date for the premiere?"  
  
Snape hesitated. He hadn't even thought about a date, but then he saw the look in Kylie's eyes and nodded. "Yes." He said.  
  
"Oh well," She sighed disappointed. "I can't ask for too much can I? I'll see you soon Severus. Don't forget to call me."  
  
Snape nodded, and Kylie left. Snape breathed a sigh of relief and walked into the dressing room. Adam glared at him as he entered, and he downed the rest of what was in his glass. "Look Snape I realise you didn't want to be here, but hell, you could have been a little more cooperative about the whole thing. If you had of been by yourself it would have been a disaster." He poured himself another drink and took a large sip of it. "I was ropable before, but now I'm calmer. I understand you are not used to this kind of thing, but you'll get used to it soon enough. Like Kylie said you'll end up chatting away with the interviewer like nobody's business."  
  
Snape sighed and glanced at the clock on the wall. Wasn't it time to go? Adam saw where he was looking and sighed. "Your car should be here soon. Clearly you can't wait to get out of the place." He said. "Listen Snape, there's one thing you should know. I was pretty good today, pretty understanding about your discomfort and lack of experience, but let me tell you now: if you do anything like this at the premiere I swear to God, you'll regret it. I'll kill you. This movie could be my big break and I don't want to let an uncooperative, unhappy star ruin it for me."  
  
Snape edged towards the door wondering why Adam was acting so normal again all of a sudden. Adam finished the drink in his hand and poured another and Snape glanced at the bottle. "Glenfiddich. Scotch Whiskey." It read, and he wondered what that was. But still, Snape told himself, it wasn't good to look a giftgoblin in the face; if Adam was not yelling anymore that was better. "Right." Snape assured him. "No problems. Bye."  
  
And he hurried out to the waiting car. He was planning on getting back to Hogwarts that night, and he couldn't have been happier. What a disaster this had been! 


	19. The Snape Tape scandal!

[A/N. This chapter is a little bit different to my normal chapters and it is also a little bit of a sideline to the actual story. The idea came to me this morning though and I HAD to write it down. I know it's kind of a silly chapter, but I hope it doesn't ruin the story. So please just bear with me! Also the name is derived, in part, from the "Dianagate" tape scandal in the UK a few years back.]

Chapter nineteen: "The Snape Tape" scandal! 

__

Hermione was surprised when an owl dropped something in front of her during breakfast. As a general rule her parents didn't send her letters at Hogwarts- most likely because as muggles they were not exactly used to the idea of sending mail via owl-post, however sitting in front of her on this particular day was a package addressed in her mother's neat handwriting. 'I hope it's not bad news!' she thought as she ripped open the package. To her surprise a videotape was enclosed along with a note.

"What's that?" Ron asked curiously, staring at the video as though it might bite him.

"A video." Hermione replied unfolding the enclosed note hurriedly. If they'd sent her a video it couldn't be bad news, but she was still curious nonetheless. Out of the corner of her eye she saw that a few of the other Gryffindor sixth years had noticed her strange package.

"A video? Cool." Ron picked it up and studied it thoughtfully, albeit carefully. "And what does a video do?" 

"A video?" Seamus Finnigan, another Gryffindor sixth year student interjected. "I've heard of them, I have! Well at least of X-rated ones. It's a muggle thing they watch right?"

On Hermione's right side, sat Harry and he began to explain to them the workings of videos as Hermione scanned her mother's note. "Listen to this," Hermione said suddenly, interrupting Harry's explanation of how a video player actually worked. "Mum says that she sent us this video because it's got an interview with Snape on it. It's from "Good Morning London" a show she always watches before she goes to work, and it's promoting his movie. Mum writes that 'Professor Snape looks as though he'd rather be anywhere than there, but then he's probably not comfortable in such a setting right?' She goes on to say that the video itself is interesting viewing and she thinks that 'You and your schoolfriends might get a kick out of seeing your teacher on the television.' Isn't this amazing?" 

Harry's green eyes danced in amusement. "Amazing all right. Great thinking on their part Hermione, but we don't actually have a video player here at Hogwarts." He said.

Ron, still grappling with the complexities of muggle technology, informed them that they simply HAD to see this video. "Imagine Snape being on a muggle show." He said with a snort. "I bet he tells them all where to go. Can't we magic it out of the video and then watch it like a photo?"

"It's not as simple as that Ron," Hermione said. "Muggle videos are not exactly uncomplicated. And even if there were a spell to use, I don't know it…."

"But," Ron repeated. "We HAVE to see this video!"

"Ron's right." Hermione said, pushing her empty breakfast plate away from her, and staring at the video thoughtfully.

"But," Harry said through a mouthful of porridge. "We can't." 

A strange look crossed Hermione's face. "Well there is a way, but I think it could be against school rules…." She hesitated. Clearly her desire to keep to the rules was sharply contrasting with her desire to see the video. 

"Spill it." Ron demanded. 

"Yeah, spill it." Seamus added. "We CAN'T miss this!"

"Well it's like this……." Hermione lowered her voice so only the sixth years could hear. 

When she'd finished a grin came over Dean Thomas's face. "And here's an even better idea: we could charge them to see it! We could make money, and humiliate Snape at once. Sort of like killing two Gryindylows with one stone."

Hermione made a face. "I hate that saying," She complained. "But your idea is certainly one worthy of Fred and George if they were still here!"

Snape was walking along the corridor the next day when he heard a snort behind him. "Linda was saying that the camera adds at least five pounds to a person's weight- do you think he looked fatter on the interview?" Someone asked.

Snape whirled around to see two second year Hufflepuff girls conversing and looking at him. The look he gave them made them turn around and hurry away, but their giggles came floating back to him, and he felt his stomach lurch. There was only one thing they could have been talking about- his appearance on the stupid muggle television show the week before. But how could they have seen it? Shaking his head in confusion he continued prowling the corridors looking for students doing the wrong thing and whom he could take points off. And then something caught his eye: on the stone wall of the corridor was a poster. In the middle there was a picture of him, and on the top were the words: "The Snape Tape exclusive!" Underneath the picture it was explained that 'our esteemed potions master, Professor Snape, will be staring in this interview from a muggle television show. If anyone wishes to book for the next showing of "The Snape Tape" contact "The Movies Master" as soon as possible.' With a roar sounding something like that of an enraged lion Snape tore the poster from the wall, and then tore it in pieces, letting them flutter to the ground. 

Professor Dumbledore studied the poster thoughtfully. "It's a very good likeness Severus." He finally said. "Whoever made this poster is quite an artist." 

Snape snatched the poster back from him. He'd enlisted the help of the caretaker, Mr. Filch, to get as many of the posters off the castle walls as possible and he'd then taken them to the headmaster's office, demanding he do something. "Be that as it may, headmaster, I want the person responsible for this found and punished. I will not tolerate being made a fool of."

Dumbledore sighed, and looked at him over his glasses. "May I remind you Severus that a fool is not a fool if he plays the fool." He offered gently.

Snape didn't get the implied meaning: he was too worked up by now. "I want them punished headmaster." He snapped.

Dumbledore thoughtfully stroked his beard. After a moment he said "And punished for what Severus? As far as I am aware the person doing this has not in any way breached any school rules."

Snape was dumfounded, but he managed to find his voice. "The person showing this, they'd need the muggle contraption for showing it right?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Although I'm not up on all the muggle things, I believe this is the case." He confirmed. 

"Well wouldn't magicking one of these be against the school rules?" Snape pounced.

"Yes, but what if the person didn't exactly magic it…Severus there are a lot of muggle borns here who could easily have gotten hold of the thing needed to show it." Dumbledore said. 

Snape sighed. "Okay then, what about the fact that the person doing this is making fun of, even humiliating, a teacher?"

Dumbledore laughed gently. "Are you telling me Severus, in your time as a student here you never made fun of your teachers?" His eyes sparkled with mischief. "I recall doing that on many occasions myself." 

Snape sighed again, frustrated. Clearly the headmaster was no help: he didn't even think there was anything to condemn here! Well, that meant it was all up to him, and Merlin help the student, or students, responsible for this if he caught them!

__

"Password?" Someone asked. 

"Snape is a slimy git." The other person responded, and a grinning Ron, opened up the door to the room. 

"Hi, come on in. The show's about to start." He told the three Ravenclaws standing there. He was about to close the door again when something stopped him. Standing there grinning were Malfoy and his two henchmen. 

"Malfoy." Ron said.

"Weasley." Malfoy returned. "Are you going to let us in? We want to see this thing too."

Ron thought about it for a moment. He didn't really want to let Malfoy and his friends in, but then money was money. And after all, wasn't the plan to let everyone in the school see the now infamous video? "Hold on a moment." He said, closing the door behind him, and hurrying over to Hermione who was inserting the video into the magicked player. Harry was sitting on the desk next to her, swinging his legs back and forth and looking bored. 

"We've got a dilemma." Ron announced dramatically enough to make Harry stop swinging his legs. 

"A dilemma?" Hermione repeated. "What sort of dilemma Ron?" 

"If it involves anything to do with that Transfiguration test I don't want to know about it." Harry commented.

"It's Malfoy." Ron said.

Harry raised an eyebrow, and Hermione looked annoyed. "What about him?" She demanded.

"He's out there," Ron gestured towards the corridor. "And he, Crabb and Goyle want to see "The Snape Tape" now." 

Harry and Hermione exchanged a glance. "They do?" Hermione asked. "How did they find out about it? I thought no Slytherins were meant to know." 

Ron shrugged. "I don't know how they know, but they do. And they want to see it!"

"Well," Hermione admitted. "We hadn't thought about this….I guess we just assumed they wouldn't ever find out about it."

"We can't let them in though." Ron argued, conveniently forgetting that a moment ago he had been about to let them in and take their money. "They're in Snape's house for Merlin's sake, they're bound to tell him." 

"I don't know about that." Harry said mildly. "I mean, even if I was in Snape's house I'd probably want to laugh at him. And don't you think they're more likely to tell Snape if they DON'T see it?" 

"Harry's right Ron. We might as well let them in." Hermione said with a sigh. "But they better be on their best behavior."

"Well I'm not letting them in." Ron said sulkily, sitting on the desk next to Harry.

"Ron!" Hermione said exasperated. 

Harry got up. "I'll let them in." He said and he went over to the door, and opened it. "Come in then. But let me tell you three you better behave…"

"Or what Potter?" Malfoy asked, with a laugh.

Harry shrugged. "You'll see." He bluffed, trying to sound mysterious. "You obviously don't know much about muggle videos…."

His ploy worked as Malfoy muttered that they would behave- they just wanted to see the video. 

Snape was getting more annoyed by the day. By now most of the school had seen the video, including most of his own house. Veiled references to the interview cropped up on a daily basis and Snape was out for blood. When he got his hands on the culprits they'd be so sorry he vowed. 

"Excuse me Sir?" Malfoy asked, his voice as sweet as sugar. 

"What is it Malfoy?" Snape asked distracted. Normally he didn't mind the boy, but at the moment he didn't have the time for him. 

"Well sir, I couldn't help but notice that there have been some strange things going on around here lately…" Malfoy said, trying to keep his tone mysterious.

But Snape wasn't in the mood for playing games. "Do you know something I want to know Malfoy?" He asked. 

"Well, I might sir…" Malfoy admitted. "Only it's hard you know- if anyone found out I was the one to tell you, well my reputation here would be ruined and I might not have any friends any more. It's just that in my opinion this kind of thing, this kind of slander about a teacher is wrong." 

"You have my word, Malfoy," Snape said. "That you shall remain anonymous should you tell me what I want to know."

"In that case sir….." Malfoy said. 

"POTTER, WEASLEY AND GRANGER!" Snape spat out to Dumbledore. "They're responsible." 

Dumbledore looked interested. "Indeed?"

"And not only that, but they've also been profiting from my humiliation." Snape added angrily. "They've been charging students to see the interview!"

To Snape's astonishment, and anger, Dumbledore burst out laughing at this. "A scheme worthy of the Weasley twins." He managed.

"Headmaster, " Snape said, failing to see why he wasn't taking this more seriously. "I demand that these students be punished." 

Dumbledore stopped laughing now. "Sorry Severus, but nothing they've done is technically against the rules- or at least from the information we have. And if you didn't want anyone to see the interview you shouldn't have gone on it."

"I had no choice." Snape protested. "You know that- or I'd be put in jail, a muggle jail!"

"You had the choice to make the movie." Dumbledore replied. "Sorry Severus, that's the end of the discussion. There will be no punishment for this, and if I hear that you have attempted any punishment yourself- either obviously or more covert such as unfair treatment in class, you will be the one in trouble."

Snape was at a loss for words and stormed from the headmaster's office angrily. 


	20. Owl mail brings a few surprises

[A/N. Back to the normal story now I've got my silly little idea out of the way..not that the actual idea for the story isn't rather silly, but that's beside the point..Also, sorry it's a shorter chapter, but I simply couldn't think of any more to put in it that wasn't better off in the next one.]  
  
Chapter twenty: Owl mail brings a few surprises.  
  
Snape glanced over at the Gryffindor side of the room. They seemed to be interested in only their work, so he sighed with relief. In the past week or so the furore over the scandalous "Snape Tapes" had died down somewhat, which was probably lucky for the three culprits considering Snape had been planning on getting some major revenge. Just thinking about it all made Snape see red! And Dumbledore's refusal to even consider doing anything! So it had been up to Snape to confront the three culprits which he had. Granger, as usual, had been the one to speak up "Professor Snape," She had said earnestly. "In no way were we making fun of you as you seem to think. In fact we're proud of the fact that one of our very own teachers is in a movie!" Snape had glowered at her. Anyone stupider than he might have fallen for this insincere flattery, but he knew only too well what some students were like- especially Gryffindor ones! "Indeed Miss Granger?" He'd drawled. "Well if this is the case why was there all the secrecy? None of them had seemed to have an answer for that, and Snape had shook his head. "Just don't do it again or you will all be punished." He warned, wishing he'd been able to give them detention forever! All seemed quiet and well so Snape went back to reading his mail. Two letters had been delivered: one he recognised as being Adam's writing on the outside, the other was unknown writing. He decided the best plan was to get Adam's out of the way first. After Adam's anger at the television show Snape was surprised he'd even bother to write to him, but he opened the letter anyway.  
  
"Snape,  
  
I just thought I'd let you know that it would be prudent if you would bring a date with you to the premiere of the movie. I have received information recently which indicates you're becoming something of a heartthrob with the movie going public, and whilst I am aware that this is good publicity for the movie I know you too well by now Snape. Unlike any other actor, who would love the attention, you'll probably tell them all where to go. Therefore if you have a date the public will assume you're taken, and while this won't stop them from admiring you it might make the hysteria a little less. Don't think I am doing this for you Snape, after your recent behavior I wouldn't do you any favors, but I am doing this for the movie. Now in case you don't have a date, or in case every female you know hates you, I've enclosed a brochure for your perusal.  
  
Adam.  
  
P.S. Should you still have trouble- hire an escort."  
  
Snape was curious, and he unfolded the brochure. On the front was a woman and a man embracing, about to kiss, both looking deliriously happy. Above it, in a large pink heart were the words "RSVP Personals- for the lonely man and lonely woman." Snape's lip curled with distaste at the happy image on the front, and he opened it to the first page wondering what the deal was. "Here at RSVP Personals we recognise that not everyone is able to go out and meet the right person, but we firmly believe that for every man there is a Miss Right, and for every woman a Mr. Right. We provide sensitive, helpful services and are committed to caring. We guarantee that if you join us we'll find you the perfect partner." Snape realised then what it was- a dating agency! He growled and threw the brochure behind him, startling the entire class who all looked up in shock. "What are you staring at?" Snape snapped. "Get back to work NOW!" They all hastened to look back down at their desks. Snape took a deep breath. That Adam had sent him a brochure for a dating agency because he didn't think he could find someone to go with! Well he didn't want anyone to go with him- he didn't even want to be there, let alone subject someone else to the misery of being there. He'd go alone, and that was all there was to it. What harm could it do? Adam claimed it was the best for him to not go alone, but Snape wasn't scared of a few girls who'd be behind barriers as Emma'd explained to him once. He opened the second letter now:  
  
"Dear Mr. Snape,  
  
Allow me to introduce myself; my name is Amelia Hart and I'm the President of the Unofficial Severus Snape Fan Club.  
  
After seeing your picture on the billboard over Victoria Station I was hooked. It wasn't long before I noticed that there were a lot of other people who felt the same way as myself, and therefore I decided to get in before someone else and start your Fan club. I am more than happy to manage all the details such as memberships, newsletters, competitions and the works. But it would be wonderful if perhaps we could have some signed photographs of you to send the fans when they receive their membership. After all as any actor knows- you have to please the fans!  
  
I only began advertising two weeks ago and I've already received two hundred applications! And this is just from the UK. Once other countries get wind of your talent I'm sure there will be applications flooding in to join. I thought this would make your day!  
  
In closing, I want to thank you in advance for your co-operation with your fan club. Like I said there won't be any real work for you, as I am more than happy to do it all. I will see you at the movie premiere- there are so far going to be sixty-three of us from the club there. We'll be the ones holding the "Unofficial Severus Snape Fan Club" sign.  
  
Love always,  
  
Amelia."  
  
Snape had to reread the letter a second time before the information sunk in- someone had started a club for him, and so far there were two hundred members, some of whom were going to be at the movie premiere. The idea of muggles having a club dedicated to him made him feel sick. Muggles admiring him- could there be anything worse? And then his mind went back to Adam's letter- Adam had said if he had a date to the premiere it might make the hysteria a little less hadn't he? Maybe it would even prevent people from joining this club about him? As for the silly muggle wanting signed photographs of him- well she had another think coming. As a busy potions master he had far better things to do with his time than to sign photographs for a bunch of stupid muggles which would perhaps even encourage them! The bell rang then to end class for the day, and Snape didn't bother to set homework. As soon as the class filed out he walked over and picked up the brochure from where he'd thrown it earlier. 


	21. RSVP Personals

[A/N. I might have been neglecting this story a little lately. I felt bad because I seem to concentrate more on this story than on any other, so I wrote two chapters for my all other stories the other day and uploaded them. And then I had something of a silly idea (but then this story is pretty silly too, so it's fine) to write something called "MY BRUSH WITH A BASILISK, by Gilderoy Lockhart." I am in the process of writing that story as I've so far done a few chapters. It will basically tell the events in the Chamber of Secrets, and leading up to said events, from Lockhart's point of view. E.g. Lockhart is the hero as always! It probably won't be more than ten chapters long though, so that's fine, and then I can get back to writing more of my other stories a bit more often I hope. Although Uni is back next week so we'll see...Anyway, enjoy this chapter for now!]  
  
Chapter twenty-one: "RSVP Personals."  
  
In the safety of his office Snape opened up the RSVP Personals brochure gingerly. It wasn't the best idea he'd ever heard, but the idea of the girls who would be at the premiere thinking he wasn't single was a good one. On the first page was an outline of the services, and the costs. The gold membership being the most expensive, but also providing the largest range of services, such as access to a database. The cheapest membership allowed for you to just search the ads sent out to you. Snape sighed and pushed his hair out of his face. The premiere was coming up soon, so he had to work quickly. The second, third and fourth page listed a number of ads, both male and female and Snape scanned through them quickly. A lot of it was jargon he didn't understand- what was a n/s, and what was a gsoh? But he didn't have the time to be picky. He picked a couple of ads, and noted the person's number on the bottom of the ad. With a sigh he picked up a piece of parchment and pen and began to draft a standard letter to be sent out to the women he'd picked:  
  
"Dear ,  
  
My name is Professor Severus Snape and I am looking for someone to accompany me to a movie premiere. I do not want a woman who is fat or ugly since I have to be seen in the company of her, so if you are either of these please immediately disregard this letter. You need to have a sense of fun as this movie premiere is bound to be a bit of a laugh.  
  
I look forward to hearing from you,  
  
Severus Snape."  
  
Snape sent the letters off and wondered whether or not he'd get a response before the movie premiere was up. With the brochure still in his hand he left the owlery and started back up towards the school. As he was walking down the corridor he almost bumped into McGonagall.  
  
"What's wrong Severus?" McGonagall asked perceptively.  
  
"Wrong?" Snape repeated. "Nothing. Why?" He moved the hand which was holding the brochure behind his back.  
  
"You look guilty." McGonagall replied with a grin. Her gaze wandered down to where his hand was hidden behind his back.  
  
"I can't imagine why. If you'll excuse me Minerva, I've got things to do." Snape replied, and he hurried off, clutching the brochure even tighter in his hand. He could imagine what would happen if word got out about this. It would be a lot worse than the "Snape Tapes." He'd have to leave the school! Once in his office he destroyed the brochure in the fire. There! Now nobody could find out what he'd done.  
FIVE DAYS LATER:  
  
It was getting closer to the time of the movie premiere and Snape hadn't received a single response from the letters he'd sent out. Well he had received one but he didn't think it really counted as all it had said was "You've got to be joking you arrogant pig. No wonder you're going to a dating agency you loser. And for the record I prefer to think of myself as big boned rather than fat." Snape's lip had curled with distaste, as he'd read it; thank god he wasn't going to be meeting that woman. He would have had to curse her no problems.  
  
"Professor Snape!" Someone called excitedly. Snape, recognising the voice, groaned inwardly, and turned slowly around to face them. Professor Herringbone, the muggle studies teacher, stood there, her eyes alight with excitement. "I've been trying to get hold of you for days but I can't seem to pin you down. I assume you're heading to breakfast."  
  
Snape sighed resigned. "Yes, I am." He replied.  
  
"Oh good, I'll sit next to you." She said, and they went into the great hall, Snape wishing that a mini hurricane would magically appear and whisk the teacher at his side off. No such luck.  
  
As they were served Herringbone asked him "What are you doing about the movie premiere?"  
  
"Doing?" Snape repeated confused. He took a sip of his coffee and eyed her warily.  
  
"Datewise?" Herringbone clarified.  
  
"Oh right. I'm going alone." Snape said firmly. That reminded him that he'd had no real responses to his letter and he took a big sip of his coffee unhappily. The girls might end up having a field day after all!  
  
"Well Severus, I was thinking..how would you like me to be your date?" Herringbone asked, fluttering her eyelashes at him.  
  
Snape responded by spitting out his coffee in shock.  
  
"It would purely be as an experiment." Herringbone assured him, seeing he didn't seem too thrilled at the prospect. "I'd love to see how muggles operate in that setting."  
  
"Yes, well.." Snape replied. "I might end up having a date you see Acacia."  
"I thought you just said you didn't have one." Herringbone's eyes narrowed in anger.  
  
"Well at the moment I don't..I'm actually waiting on a response by owl hopefully today." Snape explained. He wasn't about to tell her the whole details, better to let her think that it was someone he knew.  
  
"Well with the premiere only being a week away you've not got much time." Herringbone commented. "You might be leaving it a bit late."  
  
"Might be." Snape agreed.  
  
"If nothing comes of it, you know I'm always free." Herringbone assured him.  
  
'I wonder why you're always free you ugly bat.' Snape thought, but he just nodded instead.  
  
When breakfast was over Snape was glad to escape the clutches of Herringbone and get up to his office. He had a spare period and he was going to use it to catch up on some marking he was a bit behind with. When he sat down at his desk a few minutes later he noticed that there were three letters sitting on his desk. His heart skipped a beat: could they be responses from the women from the dating agency? Please, he begged, let at least one of them be half-decent so I can spend an evening with her without killing myself. The first letter made him shake his head:  
  
"Dear Mr. Snape,  
  
I've seen your photos on billboards over town and the idea of going to a premiere with you is certainly attractive. Do you think I could get to meet Mr. Hampton? I've always wanted to be an actress, but it's a hard field to break into. Maybe meeting him could help me-"  
  
The letter was curled up into a ball and thrown across the room before Snape could even finish reading it. The second letter was fine, but it struck Snape as a little boring- he didn't know whether this was the type of person he could have fun at the premiere with. The third one was a little more interesting:  
  
"Dear Mr. Snape,  
  
I have to admit I was a little shocked at your letter. Telling people you won't date them if they're fat or ugly isn't exactly PC is it? On the other hand it shows me that you are a man who knows exactly what they want and that's the sort of person I'd enjoy spending time with. Someone who won't mince words, but at the same time is fun to be with. A movie premiere certainly sounds interesting, it would be an experience to say the least. However I do think it would be good if we met first, just to make sure we like each other all right. Otherwise the night at the premiere could be hell for both of us. I suggest we meet on this Saturday night at a lovely little Italian restaurant I know in Knightsbridge. I've enclosed their flyer so you know how to get there. Say eight o'clock?  
  
Yours sincerely,  
  
Sandra."  
  
Snape put the letter down thoughtfully. She sounded all right for a muggle, and he knew it was getting a little too close to the premiere not to make any decisions. So, with a sigh, he began to write a letter back telling her that he'd see her then. After the owl took it he wondered briefly what he was getting himself into here, but he knew that it was the only way to stop all the girls thinking he was available and bugging him forever. And he didn't have to actually talk to the muggle woman once they were at the movie premiere did he? 


	22. The blind date

Chapter twenty-two: The blind date.  
  
Snape sighed as he looked at himself in the window of a shop. He had made the effort to look as "muggleish" as possible for the date. After studying muggles walking around London for a few hours he'd made his purchases. Gone were his usual black robes, and in their place were ripped jeans, a sports team singlet, a tuxedo jacket and completing the look was a beanie on his head. And despite his best efforts he'd had nothing but strange looks from people as he made his way from The Leaky Cauldron to Knightsbridge. A few moments ago a man had looked at him and snorted, and Snape had snapped at him "Well if you ask me you look pretty damn funny." The man had stopped and raised an eyebrow. "You're telling me I look funny?" He had asked in shock. Snape had nodded. The man had roared laughing. "Thanks buddy, you've just given me the biggest laugh I've had in a long time." This conversation was what led to Snape looking in the mirror now. Tilting his head on the side he tried to study himself critically. He looked stupid, and muggles looked stupid, so what was the big deal? No wonder he hated London.  
  
With a sigh, he made his way to the restaurant. As he walked through the entrance the woman at the front glanced up briefly, and then did a double take and looked up again. "May I help you?" She asked, her eye blinking rapidly.  
  
"Um.yes." Snape said, watching the eye blink. He wondered whether anyone had ever told her about it. "I've got a date here- with Sandra?"  
  
"Ri-ight." The woman said. "And your name is?"  
  
"Severus Snape." Snape replied.  
  
The woman frowned slightly as if she were trying hard to think of something. "Okay..just let me check the book Mr. Snape." She said, the eye still blinking rapidly. "Right table ten- I'll get Lina to show you over."  
  
"Thanks..and by the way you might want to see a Doctor about your eye. It looks most ridiculous." Snape added, thinking he was being helpful.  
  
The woman stared at him. "I beg your pardon!" She said angrily. "For your information I have a stigma in my eye. I think you're very rude. And has anyone mentioned the way you dress?"  
  
"I was just trying to help you. I didn't want you to keep looking all creepy like that." Snape argued, wondering why she was so annoyed when he was being helpful.  
  
"WELL!" The woman managed as another woman came over.  
  
"Table?" The other woman, a tired looking blonde, asked.  
  
"Ten." Snape replied, and she nodded for him to follow her and he did so, leaving the woman behind him in a shocked silence.  
  
"Here's table ten." The woman said. "Your date has not arrived yet."  
  
"Right." Snape said, sitting down.  
  
"Would you like a drink while you wait?" The woman asked, in a bored tone.  
  
"Uh sure, can I have a coke please?" Snape asked, remembering the name of the drink from when he was working on the movie.  
  
"Sure coming right up." The woman said walking off.  
  
Snape surveyed the restaurant thoughtfully. To his surprise none of the muggles there were dressed like him, and a few of them were shooting him strange looks. He looked down at the table, determined not to let some stupid muggles annoy him. The woman returned with his drink and then left. Snape sipped it slowly. It was an acquired taste, but he was beginning to get used to it. Suddenly he looked up. Walking towards him was a tall woman, with long black hair and a big smile.  
  
"Mr. Snape, I'm Sandra." She said as she reached the table. "I'm sorry I'm running late, but my car wouldn't start."  
  
Snape, remembering his manners, stood up. "That's okay, it's nice to meet you." He said politely.  
  
Sandra took in his clothes and then smiled again. "Anyway, shall we order? I'm starving- and don't worry I won't get fat. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones when it comes to metabolism. I never gain a pound!"  
  
Snape sat down as well. "Sure." He said.  
  
Sandra picked up the menu and began to study it and then stopped and looked at him. "I guess you're an artist." She said.  
  
"What?" Snape replied confused.  
  
"The outfit. I love it. Artists can get away with anything can't they?" She replied and then went back to her menu.  
  
Snape shrugged and picked up his own menu. Sandra ordered first- ravioli with a creamy pumpkin sauce. Snape, who wasn't sure of many of the names on the menu finally, spotted something he knew and ordered it- a pizza. The woman who had shown Snape his seat and gotten him his drink took their orders and then walked off.  
  
"So," Sandra said. "Tell me about yourself Mr. Snape. I know from what I've read you're a teacher and you only accidentally got put in the movie, but I also know that critics are claiming you are a natural and they've never seen a wizard played so realistically."  
  
Snape frowned slightly: he wondered why they hadn't seen a wizard played as realistically as by a wizard? "Well yes, the movie was an accident, and something I won't do again that's for sure. I like teaching- it's where I belong."  
  
Sandra laughed. "So the acting bug didn't bite you?" She asked.  
  
Snape looked thoughtful. "Well actually there was something that bit me once. I had a bump on my hand, kind of raised and a bit red..maybe that was it?" He suggested.  
  
Sandra roared laughing. "Handsome and funny." She said. "But I've read in the magazines they are already planning a sequel for the movie- and it wouldn't be the same without you. I also read they plan to offer you a large salary- something you wouldn't be able to resist."  
  
"I think I'll resist it." Snape said dryly. "To tell you the truth being an actor is too hard. I had to go on some television show the other week, and then there's the premiere in less than a week. About two weeks after that I have to go to America for one of their television shows, and then the American premiere of the movie too. Apparently it's my contractual obligations."  
  
"Well I would have thought that would be fun." Sandra said looking surprised.  
  
"Maybe to some." Snape admitted. "But I'm just not used to it. As I said I am a teacher and that's really my true passion in life."  
  
"Ah a passion." Sandra said. "My passion is animals- I'm a vet at the London Zoo."  
  
"Animals hey?" Snape repeated. "Interesting."  
  
"Well I find it interesting." Sandra admitted. "But I have to admit I think sometimes I let my work get in the way of my relationships. How about you Mr. Snape, how long have you been single?"  
  
"About 38 years." Snape replied.  
  
"You mean you've never had a girlfriend?" Sandra looked surprised.  
  
"Not exactly.I mean there have been a few girls throughout my life, but nothing serious no." Snape said.  
  
Their food arrived then, and Snape smiled to see his pizza. It looked like the pizza which had been delivered to the set: thank god he'd made the right choice in ordering it.  
  
"But don't you think about settling down? You know- getting married, having a family?" Sandra asked, as she took a bite of her ravioli.  
  
"I haven't, no." Snape replied honestly.  
  
"Oh." Sandra said. And then she was quiet for a moment. "I guess, if you meet the right person and all hmm?"  
  
Snape shrugged his mouth full of pizza.  
  
"Well what other interests do you have other than teaching?" Sandra asked.  
  
Snape looked thoughtful. "I don't know- I guess I don't mind sport." He said thinking of Quidditch. The other day Slytherin had played Ravenclaw and beaten them by almost two hundred points. Malfoy had been rapt- "We're going to win the Championship this year Sir." He'd assured Snape after the game. "We're going to wipe the floor with those Gryffindors and that pesky Potter- thinks he's so great because he's the youngest seeker in a century and now the captain. And as for Weasley- well the only reason he made the team was because Potter is his best friend!"  
  
Sandra laughed. "Oh sport- what man doesn't love sport?" She asked. "Unfortunately sport also happened to be the main catalyst in my last breakup so I am not the biggest fan of it."  
  
"Well it's something to do.." Snape said with a shrug. He couldn't explain to this muggle how important something like Quidditch was in the wizard world.  
  
"Mm." She said noncommittally.  
  
The woman came to remove their empty plates. "Desert menus?" She asked.  
  
Sandra shook her head. "No, I'm on a bit of a diet. But I would like another glass of wine please?"  
  
"Sure, and you Sir?" The woman asked, addressing Snape.  
  
"No thanks." Snape said.  
  
The woman came back with the glass of wine and Sandra sipped it, glancing over the rim of it at Snape. "So Snape," She said. "You haven't asked me anything about myself yet- isn't there anything you want to know?"  
  
"Um.." Snape stuttered. "I can't think of anything off the top of my head.."  
  
Sandra sighed and then finished the rest of the glass of wine in one sip. "Okay, I've got to be completely honest with you Snape.I don't think you're exactly what I was expecting, but at the same time I think you're an interesting person- quite funny." She sighed and paused. "I don't think I can see myself in a long-term relationship with you, but that's just at the moment. I think we could probably have fun together and get to know each other a bit better..are you still up for the movie premiere?"  
  
Snape hesitated. What were his choices? 1) Go alone and get swamped by muggle girls who would all think he was single and annoy Adam in the process, 2) Take Professor Herringbone with him who would be fascinated by the muggles there, or 3) take Sandra and at least know what he was getting himself into.  
  
"Sure," He agreed. "It will be...interesting.."  
  
"Right," Sandra agreed.  
  
[A/N. I remember writing something a few chapters back about how Adam and Snape's relationship would deteriorate further in the near future. I suppose you could say that with Snape's television appearance it had deteriorated pretty much! But it's going to deteriorate more soon....] 


	23. Another article from Lockhart

[A/N. As Uni began last week I might not get the time to update this as much as I would like since between classes, study and work I will probably only have a few spare days a week with a million and one things to do in them, but we'll see. I'll certainly try to keep updating as often as I can. Also sorry about this chapter not being quite as long as usual, but I will make up for it in the next one I promise! I was planning on this chapter being the movie premiere when it occurred to me that Leroy Lockhart hasn't had much exposure, so I decided to give him another chapter before I get on with the movie premiere……]

Chapter twenty-three: Another article from Lockhart. 

"Professor Snape! Yoo-hoo Professor Snape!" 

Snape sighed and turned around slowly. "Hello Acacia, how are you?" He asked politely. Since his date with Sandra almost a week ago he had been trying to stay clear of Professor Herringbone knowing she'd want to know whether she could go to the premiere with him. Of course as the "muggle studies" teacher at Hogwarts he could hardly expect any less, but even so it was beginning to get a bit tiring. 

"Fine- you weren't at dinner last night, are you all right?" She asked.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine." Snape replied. "Just busy with marking and all- I want to set the fifth years a practice OWL before I go away, and the sixth years are just beginning their independent projects…." He trailed off.

"Yes, I was actually having a discussion with young Hermione Granger today about her independent project for my class- she's got some grand ideas, but if anyone can pull it off it will be her. I wager she's the best student Hogwarts has seen in many a year." 

"It wouldn't surprise me." Snape replied somewhat darkly- when were Slytherin house going to get a student of Granger's caliber? 

"Anyway Severus I just wanted to speak to you about the movie premiere…." Herringbone said.

"Ah yes, that thing. Pain in the butt I've got to go to it. Probably wont even stay long." Snape muttered, and then in a louder voice he added "I'm sorry Acacia but I've got a date already and I would feel terrible to let her down you know-"

"You feel terrible about letting someone down?" Someone interrupted with a laugh. "Now I've heard everything." 

Snape glared at the newcomer. "For your information Minerva I have got principles." 

McGonagall looked astounded. "Really, well they've been hidden well Severus." She said with a slight smile. "Are you coming to the Quidditch match this afternoon Severus, or are you too big a star to come to something little like that now?"

Snape frowned. "I most certainly will be there!" He said firmly. "I intend to see Gryffindor lose. Now if you two will excuse me- I've got something to do before the match." And he hurried off wishing that people such as McGonagall and Herringbone weren't at Hogwarts, since for some reason they just got on his nerves more than other people. 

"Hey Professor Snape, when's the movie premiere?" Someone called out, and Snape stopped and looked at the girl- a second year Ravenclaw if his guess was correct. 

"Why?" He asked.

"Well I was just thinking that if Hugh Grant is there my Mum would love his autograph. She goes to muggle movies all the time and he is her favorite." The girl explained. "His autograph would make a good Christmas present…."

Snape muttered something about stupid muggle borns and continued on his way. Once safe in his office he sat down in his chair. On his desk sat a preview copy of an article appearing in The Daily Prophet tomorrow by Leroy Lockhart. When Lockhart had sent him the owl asking about the new article Snape's first reaction had been to throw the letter away, however on second thoughts he had changed his mind. The first article had been very well received after all, and in fact it had even stopped people from talking as much. To help with the article Lockhart had requested that Snape keep a daily log of events in his life for a few days. Snape had obliged and then sent the log to Lockhart. What was on his desk was the culmination of the log, and the article which would appear in tomorrow's paper. Snape wanted to check it over before he went to the Quidditch match. Taking a deep breath Snape read the article:

****

"A DAY IN THE LIFE OF SEVERUS SNAPE."

The Man behind the muggle movie star, Part two.

As you are all no doubt aware since returning to teach at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Professor Snape is in his element. After all this is his true passion, not movies. Unfortunately though he has had to honor a few contractual obligations such as an appearance on a muggle television show, and he has the movie premiere in London this week, but he remains unflappable. I contacted Professor Snape about this article and asked him whether he would keep a log of his days for a few days and he readily agreed. So presented below is "A Day in the Life of Severus Snape." Severus Snape the real man, the potions professor, not the muggle movie star as many mistakenly see him. 

****

6:30 A.M- 7:30 A.M: Snape wakes up and has his shower and dresses. As he makes his way from his room he notices that it is an unusually sunny day for winter and considers spending some time outside enjoying nature later in the afternoon.

****

7:30 A.M- 8:30 A.M: Snape goes down to the Great Hall for breakfast, however on this particular day for some reason the head chef house elf is sick, and the meal leaves a lot to be desired. He sends a note down to the kitchens suggesting improvements to the next meal and hopes that the house elves will heed his friendly advice. 

****

9:00 A.M- 10.00 A.M: Snape's first class of the day consists of the seventh year Ravenclaw's, Hufflepuff's, Gryffindor's and Slytherin's who have decided to take potions at this level, and discussion centers around the upcoming NEWTS. Snape tries to give them some handy hints for achieving the great amount of NEWTS that he himself achieved when he attended Hogwarts as a student. 

****

10:00 A.M- 11:00 A.M: Snape's second class of the day consists of the Gryffindor and Slytherin first years. First years are Snape's favorite, as he believes that they have come to Hogwarts devoid of potions knowledge and he can now have the privilege of moulding their young minds. 

****

11:00 A.M- 12.00 P.M: Snape has a free period now as the fourth year students he would normally be teaching in this time spot are currently on an excursion and he returns to his office where he pores over the sixth year's proposals for their independent projects as carefully as he can. It's vital he gives them as much input as he can at this stage of the project since afterwards he is forbidden from helping them. Plus there is a competition for the house which scores the highest amounts on their projects collectively and they win the "Dippet Cup" incidentally named after a prior Hogwarts headmaster who began the tradition. 

****

12:30 P.M- 1:30 P.M: Lunch is served in the Great Hall and Snape is pleased to note that the meal is slightly better, and that the elves may have heeded his friendly advice. 

****

2:00 P.M- 3:00 P.M: Snape's third class of the day consists of the sixth year students who have chosen to continue potions studies and they discuss their proposals for their independent projects. Snape is pleased to notice that a few students are taking different lines than usual on the projects and he is glad to have been the one to have moulded their minds in this way. 

3:00 P.M- 4:00 P.M: Snape's last class of the day consists of the third year Hufflepuff and Slytherin classes. They are beginning some of the more complicated potions and Snape is pleased to see that he has taught them well as nobody makes a mistake.

****

4:30 P.M- 5:30 P.M: With classes over for the day Snape watches the Slytherin Quidditch team practice for their upcoming match. He is delighted to see them looking better than ever and decides that his inspirational speech after their loss to Gryffindor the other week must have had more of an impact than he had even imagined. 

****

6:00 P.M- 7:00 P.M: Dinner is served, and Snape is disappointed to note the quality is again lacking. He hastens to dispatch another friendly note to the kitchens. 

****

7:30 P.M- 8:00 P.M: Snape has his weekly meeting with the headmaster regarding the potions students and how it is going. It is a requirement for all teachers at Hogwarts to attend a weekly meeting with the headmaster. The headmaster is, as usual, pleased with Snape's progress.

****

8:00 P.M- 9:00 P.M: Snape spends some time in the staff room talking to the other Hogwarts teachers, something he believes is very important in case other teachers have noticed things about certain students. Communication within the staff is a key to Hogwarts having so many students completing their NEWTS.

****

9:30 P.M- 10:30 P.M: Snape reads in his office for awhile. He believes it is very important to keep up with the wizarding world's events, as well as events pertaining more to his particular interest in potions.

****

10:45 P.M: Snape goes to bed, ready for it all to begin again tomorrow. 

LEROY LOCKHART REPORTING FOR THE DAILY PROPHET.

Snape nodded to himself when he finished reading the article. Lockhart had portrayed him as a man who was interested in potions more than anything else, and who wanted to help everyone else see how exciting this could be. He especially liked the touch about the "friendly note" to the house elves. In reality this note had been far from friendly, and told them they'd better pick up the meals or he'd come down there and kick their butts. And the inspirational speech to the Slytherin Quidditch team after their last loss to Gryffindor- well that had been him ranting about how pathetic they were and how disappointed he was in them for nearly half an hour! Yes, Snape decided, the article would do nicely. He decided to send Lockhart an owl telling him to go ahead and print it, and then go and get ready for the Quidditch match. 


	24. Arriving at the movie premiere

[A/N. I realise this chapter has been a long time coming, but I've been back at Uni so I haven't had a lot of spare time, and the spare time I HAVE had has been absorbed with readings for tutes and seminars. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Also: after this chapter I wonder whether anyone knows who Sandra really is?]  
  
Chapter twenty-four: Arriving at the movie premiere.  
  
Snape sighed as he glanced out the window of the car which had come to pick him up from the Leaky Cauldron for the movie premiere that night. It had all been prearranged earlier with Adam sending him a note a few days back with the details including do's and don'ts such as "If someone asks for your autograph sign whatever they want signed instead of biting their head off" and "If someone asks you whether you enjoyed making a Hampton movie say yes, rather than something along the lines of I'd rather kill myself than make another one." Snape had read the note, snorted, and thrown it in the fire which was raging in his office. Summer had disappeared and it was almost winter at Hogwarts- Snape's favorite time of year. What could be better than rain, hail and snow he wondered? Of course the best time of winter was when the students all went home to their families leaving him some peace and quiet for a week or so. Although there were some who didn't go home, and Snape sighed thinking that this year would likely be no exception- Potter and his bratty friends would probably still be there when everyone else had left. Snape's dislike of Potter had been greatly enhanced after the "Snape Tapes" scandal.  
  
"This is 215." The driver said, interrupting Snape's thoughts.  
  
"Sorry?" Snape asked.  
  
"215- your date's house." The driver replied slowly, as though he was speaking to someone who wasn't very smart. Snape bit his tongue and hurried from the car to knock on the door. When he'd arrived at the Leaky Cauldron there had been the parcel from Adam he was expecting with his outfit for the movie premiere. Snape had opened it and put it on. The dark blue denim trousers were a perfect fit, and the shirt which went with it was to be left untucked, and Adam had requested he leave the top button undone, and put a casual black jacket on over the top. After getting dressed Snape had looked at himself in the mirror and shook his head. He looked like a muggle for merlin's sake.  
  
Sandra opened the door almost straight away. She was dressed nicely in a blue dress. "I was so worried you might change your mind I've been sitting by the window watching for you the last half hour." She confessed with a laugh.  
  
Snape laughed politely. "Are you ready?"  
  
"Let me just get my scarf- it's getting colder now isn't it?" She said, and she ducked back in to grab her scarf. As they walked down the steps towards the waiting car she wrapped it around her neck. They got into the car and the driver took off for the premiere.  
  
"All my friends couldn't believe it when I told them I was going to the premiere of "William the Wizard" with the star." Sandra told Snape as they drove along.  
  
Snape's first impulse was to say he couldn't believe HE was going either since he'd much rather be back at Hogwarts, but he remembered Adam's list of Do's and Don'ts and muttered something along the lines of he was sure it would be a fun night. He thought back to the last week or so. Not much had happened other than Slytherin winning Quidditch against Gryffindor when they're precious captain Potter was mysteriously put out of the game. In fact life was so normal that if it hadn't been for the note from Adam a few days back with the details, and the huge list of how to behave, Snape would have forgotten that it was the movie premiere at all. And to think he'd have to go through it all again in America later that month. The very idea made him shiver.  
  
"Are you cold Severus?" Sandra asked. She leant forward to the driver and asked whether he could turn the heating up a bit. "I hate winter you know."  
  
"Really?" Snape replied. "I love it. With a nice fire going in my study and a good book to read."  
  
Sandra laughed. "Sounds romantic." She said.  
  
"Romantic?" Snape repeated wondering how on earth the book he was reading about making potions from muggle body parts could be at all classed under romantic.  
  
"You know cuddling up by a nice cosy fire?" Sandra said.  
  
"Oh." Snape said. "Right."  
  
"I have a confession to make." Sandra said with a sigh. "Ever since our blind date I've been trying to find information on you- but there's virtually none. And what little there is all says practically the same things. You're not even on the Internet!"  
  
"The what?" Snape asked interested.  
  
"The net." Sandra repeated. "Don't you have a computer?"  
  
"A computer..no.." Snape replied slowly. He'd heard of muggle computers and he'd also heard vaguely of the Internet, but from what he had gathered it was a pretty ineffectual way of getting information around.  
  
"But you work at a school." Sandra said confused. "You must have computers."  
  
"Well I suppose we do- but I don't use them." Snape said.  
  
"Oh." Sandra replied. "That's a pity because I thought we should swap email addresses so we could communicate better. I thought it was kind of strange for me to get a letter in the mail from someone named Adam about the arrangements for tonight I have to admit."  
  
"Adam likes to make sure everything runs smoothly." Snape said dryly.  
  
"Well even so..I was sort of hoping you might call me or something." Sandra said, and she trailed off and looked out the window.  
  
A strange silence ensued, with Snape wondering what he was doing going to a muggle movie premiere with a muggle woman. Damn this film for completely screwing around his life. As soon as the American tour was over that was it. If anyone so much as mentioned "William the Wizard" or anything remotely to do with it to him he'd curse them without a moment's hesitation.  
  
"Mr. Snape?" The driver asked, finally breaking the uncomfortable silence in the car. "We're arriving now. Mr. Minton has asked me to stop right before the red carpet so you and your date don't have to walk too far."  
  
"Thank you." Snape replied, glad for the fact that he wouldn't have to walk near too many muggles for too long.  
  
"I was kind of looking forward to that walk." Sandra whispered to him. "I thought I might get in the paper- I've never been in the paper before." She laughed.  
  
"Yes.. well." Snape muttered, unsure of how to respond.  
  
The car turned the corner and Snape's jaw dropped. The building was well lit up with floodlights in the air, and a huge neon sign saying "WILLIAM THE WIZARD." There was a rope separating the red carpet from a huge crowd of muggles who were all screaming and yelling as various other muggles alighted from cars and began to walk into the place. Snape noticed Mr. Hampton and a woman get out of a car and wave to the muggles before going inside. A few muggles were on the red carpet and they were talking to the people who were arriving.  
  
"Wow." Sandra managed. "I didn't know it would be this big..even with all the publicity and all..wow."  
  
"Wow indeed." Snape muttered as the car came to a stop and the driver hurried to open their door. Sandra got out first and she laughed and waved to the crowd. Snape took a deep breath and stepped out too. It was as if the crowd had only been mumbling before and now they went crazy. Feeling overwhelmed Snape moved over to Sandra who was still waving to the crowd. "Let's get inside." He said.  
  
"Are you crazy Severus? These people have been waiting hours to see you, at least wave to them!" Sandra said shocked.  
  
Snape sighed angrily, and waved to the crowd with Sandra for a few moments. All of a sudden a teenage girl broke through the rope and she raced over to Snape and threw her arms around him. "I totally love you Severus." She cried.  
  
Snape was horrified at both the muggle's expression of love and at having her attached to him. He shook himself hoping she'd let go, but no such luck.  
  
"I want to marry you and have your babies." She said. "I have pictures of you all over my room and I sing to them at night."  
  
"Excuse me, but I've got to get inside." Snape said, wondering how to unattach the girl. He thought about the day when he was only a third year student at Hogwarts and the giant squid who lived in the lake had gotten hold of a student and it had taken five teachers to pry them apart- well this was similar. He wished that he hadn't left his wand back at the leaky cauldron.  
  
All of a sudden a big, beefy muggle was standing there. "Mam let go and get back behind the ropes before you get into trouble." He said firmly.  
  
"But you totally don't understand." The girl cried. "I like love him so much."  
  
"I'm sure you do." The man replied. "But if you don't get back behind the rope right now you'll be going home in a cop car and you wont get to see Mr. Snape when he comes out of the premiere again."  
  
The girl sighed and let go of Snape. To his shock tears were running down her face. "I love you so much it hurts." She told him and then she turned and raced back to her friends, who all threw their arms around her whilst she cried.  
  
"As careful as we are something like this always seems to happen at a premiere. I guess the full moon brought all the crazies out hey?" The man asked Snape.  
  
Relived to have the girl gone Snape nodded. But he was in too much shock over her, and the crowd all still screaming his name to speak. Sandra came back over to him.  
  
"I was just talking to Sean Connery." She cried. "THE Sean Connery in the flesh. I can't believe it. I'm so glad to be here Severus."  
  
Snape nodded, still incapable of words and then something caught his eye. A huge banner with the words "UNOFFICIAL SEVERUS SNAPE FAN CLUB" written on it was held high in the air by a bunch of women and girls all wearing bright pink T-shirt with the same words on them. When they realised Snape was looking at them they all began to wave, and beckon him to come over.  
  
"Is that your fan club Severus?" Sandra asked him, her eyes following his.  
  
"Yes, I had a letter telling me they would be here." Snape replied.  
  
"Well don't you think you should go over and say hello?" Sandra asked rolling her eyes.  
  
Snape sighed. The woman was beginning to be, as much of a pain as Adam and he had already decided, as soon as this night was over he wouldn't be seeing her again. In fact, he was almost tempted to ask her whether she and Adam were cohorts since the things she'd said after they'd arrived were almost exactly what he could imagine Adam to say.  
  
"Fine." Snape snapped and he made his way over to the group. "Hello."  
  
"Hi Mr. Snape. I'm Amelia- I guess you got my letter. I didn't know whether you did or not because you never sent me the signed photos for me to send out to members." A short blonde said, stepping forward.  
  
"Ah well.I've been pretty busy lately." Snape said. "You know what it's like with things like this."  
  
"Of course." Amelia demurred. "But if you could help out by sending some when you're not so busy we'd really appreciate it."  
  
"Of course, of course." Snape replied smoothly, privately thinking there was no way in hell he would send them anything which would fuel their obsession with him. Once this hysteria was over, and the movie off the screens and into oblivion, Snape wasn't going to bother with anything to do with it. Not one thing!  
  
"You're looking hot tonight Severus." One of the younger girls in the pink tops said.  
  
Another one laughed and added "Totally droolworthy."  
  
"Um, thank you, I think." Snape replied wondering whether muggles could seriously get any stupider? He thought he'd met the stupidest ones ever on the movie set, and then on the television show but the ones here tonight took the cake easily. And then he noticed Adam waving him over. Beside him stood Emma and some strange man, as well as another strange woman.  
  
Snape sighed with relief. "It looks like I am wanted. Nice to meet you all." He said and hurried off, with Sandra trailing him.  
  
"Well, what do you think of your fans Severus?" Emma asked as they reached them.  
  
"Horrible." Snape said, shaking his head. "I am in shock at the moment- that one who came and grabbed me and wouldn't let go. And they're all yelling my name and some are making some strange and obscene comments about me.." He trailed off when he noticed that Emma was laughing and Adam's mouth was twitching.  
  
"That's what you get when you make a movie Severus." Emma said. "Personally I enjoyed all the guys calling my name and wanting me to speak to them."  
  
"Not too much I hope?" The strange man asked with a grin.  
  
"Not too much." Emma replied, giving him a kiss. "Severus, I'd like you to meet my fiancée Mathew."  
  
"Hello Severus, I've heard a lot about you." The man said.  
  
"I'll bet." Snape replied.  
  
There was a tense silence, which was broken by Adam. "Well I better get my stars inside and seated before the movie begins. You can mingle with all the celebrities after the movie Severus. I've managed to avoid having any interviewers interviewing you tonight- they're all over everyone else though." He said and he rubbed his hands together in the cold, and then nodded approvingly. "You look all right in that outfit I sent you."  
  
Emma snorted. "You sent him?" She repeated. "Why? Can't he pick his own clothes?"  
  
Snape bit his lip and wished for the second time that night he had his wand with him, but before he could comment Adam replied "Come on let's get in. Emma, Mathew, Severus and Sandra you're all seated at the front."  
  
"The front?" Sandra repeated. "Brilliant!"  
  
"I told you so." Adam said to her with a grin. "Let's get inside before we all freeze." Obediently Snape followed them as they went inside the building.  
  
[A/N. I'm going to have to leave it there for now since it is getting late and I'm going to bed. In the next chapter Snape is going to have to deal with celebrities as well as possibly some more fans..and then there's the incident between him and Adam..] 


	25. During the movie premiere

Chapter twenty-five: During the movie premiere.

As the lights went down and the movie began Snape took a deep breath. The last thing he had ever wanted was to see himself up there on the screen. He turned around in his seat surveying the packed room. There were the cast and their friends, the invited guests, the competition winners and the press, and all were staring at the screen mesmerized as Snape came onto the screen in the opening scene. Snape sighed and turned back to the screen and watched too.

__

As a young William he was hurrying along the dark night street, glancing around furtively, clearly worried about something. He reached the gate of a house and hurried in, knocking three times on the door. It was opened by an old woman who looked relieved to see him. "Is it true?" William asked by way of greeting.

"Come in- we're all in the living room by the fire." The woman answered instead of replying to his question. William walked into the house, shrugging off his robes. In the sitting room one woman was seated, two men were standing. 

William met all their eyes as he repeated his question "Is it true?" 

The oldest of the men spoke. "It's true William- it's over. You're safe." 

William almost seemed to collapse with relief. "I must go and see Wendy. She doesn't know of any of this, but at least now I know we can be married without me being in fear of my life from Lord Voldemist."

The next scene is in daylight. "William?" Someone calls from down the street and William turns and sees a young woman running down the street towards him, her face alight with happiness. "William, I'm so glad you came. I thought perhaps you wouldn't." 

"I gave you my word as a wizard I'd be here Wendy. I always keep my promises." Wendy now reaches William and she throws herself into his arms, and he clasps her tightly smiling at her. They are obviously in love.

"I was so scared my parents would work out where I was going and try to stop me."

"I've told you Wendy, never be scared with me around. I'll protect you." William tells her firmly. 

Wendy smiles and leans her head on his shoulder briefly. "I know that, but who is going to protect you? When Father finds out we're eloping he is going to try and curse you." 

William smirks slightly. "I wasn't the dueling champion of Loverts for nothing. Let him try!"

"Do you think we're doing the right thing? I know there are a lot of other wizards in England and nobody really knows what they are…..but what if we get discovered?" 

William smiles. "We won't be. Trust me Wendy, everything is going to be just fine."

The camera slowly pulls back from the street until it's in the sky and the street is a blur below, and then the words "WILLIAM THE WIZARD" appear on the screen. 

The crowd in the theatre broke into applause and Snape sighed and sank further into his chair. This could be a long night, he thought with a sigh. Beside him Sandra muttered "Catchy beginning, darkness appears defeated, love appears to have won…."

As the movie went on Snape began to wish he was anywhere but there, watching anyone but himself on the screen. Although he did concede that Adam knew what he was talking about when he said he looked like a real wizard. Compared to everyone else in the movie Snape was the only one who he thought looked like a wizard. On the screen Emma as Wendy was confiding in her best friend- a non-wizard who knew nothing of the wizarding world- that something was bothering William. 

__

Wendy was looking worried, and she took a small sip of her coffee. "What if he's seeing someone else?" She asked her friend. 

Her friend smiled slightly. "You're kidding aren't you Wendy? I've never seen someone as devoted to their wife and kid as William is to you and little Winston.." 

"Still- I know there is something going on and he won't confide in me." Wendy said, frowning. 

"Well look- if you're really worried do what I did when I thought Rick was cheating on me- follow him." 

A big smile came over Wendy's face. "That's a thought. It might be the only way to put my mind at risk but- oh!"

"What?" 

"He's going out tonight and I've got that meeting." 

"Well let me follow him then. I'll find out what's going on." 

"Would you do that for me? Really Rachel would you?"

"Of course, what are friends for?"

Snape wished he had some popcorn- that would at least make the whole thing go a bit faster. Sandra, however, was staring at the screen rapt, and every now and then she turned to smile at him, or brush her arm against his. With relief Snape realised the final showdown was about to occur- he'd be out of there soon.

__

"Little William- I've waited a long time for this day." Lord Voldemist said, a strange look on his face. 

"I'm not so little anymore." William said fingering his wand. 

"No," Lord Voldemist agreed. "I've seen your pretty wife and your son- a cute kid." 

William didn't respond, and Lord Voldemist grinned evilly. "In fact, I think after I've killed you I might make her my own wife." 

"She'd never be with someone like you." William snarled. "She likes normal people." 

"Normal people?" Lord Voldemist snorted. "We're hardly normal William and you know it. Actually I've been thinking- you're a good wizard William. A very good one, perhaps one too good to kill. Join me William and we can rule the world."

A funny look came over William's face.

"SEVERUS! SEVERUS! I LOVE YOU SEVERUS!" Someone up the back of the theatre was screaming, and like Snape, everyone turned in their seats to see where the noise was coming from. A woman was climbing down the stairs from the press section of the theatre and to the shock of the room she was completely and utterly naked. There were shocked whispers. 

"Who the hell is that?" Sandra whispered to Snape. 

"I don't know." Snape replied, his face pale- this freaky muggle wasn't actually going to get near him was she? Where were the security when you needed them?

"SEVERUS!" The woman yelled. "MAKE LOVE TO ME RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE."

"Oh no." Snape whispered, wishing the floor would open and swallow him up. Up on the screen William and Lord Voldemist were involved in a battle to the death, but nobody was watching it anymore. They were all watching the drama in the theatre instead.

The woman was almost there. "At least she's got a good body," Adam muttered from behind, and Sandra shot him a dirty look. "Tasteless as usual." She muttered. 

"I WANT YOU TO DO ME NOW SEVERUS. DO ME NOW." The woman screamed as she arrived at where Snape was sitting. She tried to sit on his lap, but horrified Snape pushed her off. 

"Come on baby….you don't want to miss this believe me." The woman assured Snape.

"I can assure you that I do." Snape replied coldly. "Now kindly leave me alone and put some clothes on." To his relief he saw security rushing down towards them.

"I might get a cold is that your concern? Can't you keep me warm Sevvie?" She purred, trying once more to sit on his lap, but now the security reached them, and they were grabbing her. She was pulled from the theatre screaming "I KNOW YOU WANT ME SEVERUS. I KNOW YOU DO." The theatre was full of shocked comments, and then someone called out "The movie's finishing."

Snape turned to see that the closing credits were rolling down the screen and he sighed with relief. "We can get out of here now." He told Sandra.

Adam leant over. "Not exactly." He said. "You're probably going to be stopped by a lot of the celebrities here on your way out, so you're probably better off going into the other room and getting something to drink or eat. They'll be there too, but at least you can make a proper exit from there."

"Good Merlin." Snape muttered, but nobody heard him. They were all standing up and as the cast and crew stood, the guests all clapped. 

Beside him Emma asked, "How can you not love this Severus? The crowd love us- we're famous." 

"I just can." Snape muttered. 

As Snape and company left the theatre everyone continued to cheer and clap. Adam was looking as pleased as punch, and Mr. Hamilton joined them a few moments later. 

"I should thank you all for your efforts on this movie- without you it wouldn't have gone down half as well as it did. And Adam can you be in my office on Monday to discuss giving you a more prominent role? Without your organisational skills- well we would have been up the creek without a paddle." And he hurried off.

Sandra squealed and threw her arms around Adam. "Good stuff. I'm so proud of you." She said. 

The other woman, the one who was accompanying Adam, rolled her eyes. "It _is_ great news darling." She added.

Snape was watching this scene thoughtfully. They were walking into another room where a few guests were already drinking and eating, and behind them surged the crowds from the theatre. In his mind it looked as though Sandra knew Adam, and now he tapped her on the arm so she turned around.

"Do you know him?" Snape asked.

"Um…." Sandra muttered, and she looked over at Adam. 

"Yes she knows him." The woman with Adam said. "She should know him- she's his sister."

"His sister?" Snape managed in shock. No wonder Sandra had sounded like Adam earlier that night.

"When Adam was worried you wouldn't be able to find a date for the premiere he convinced Sandra to write to you about your ad so hopefully you would have a date for the night. Plus Sandra wanted to come and meet some famous people." The woman continued.

"For god's sake Anika." Adam said. "Not now."

"Sorry sweetie," Anika said smoothly. "But you know how I feel about it all- about her."

"If you're insinuating-" Sandra began, but Adam interrupted.

"Not now hmm?" He asked. "There are people waiting for us to go in- so lets go in?"

Snape was still in shock, but through his shock he was aware of one thing: Adam had tricked him. Luckily Sandra had begun to get on his nerves so he knew he wouldn't see her again, but that didn't matter, that was beside the point. All that mattered was that Adam had tricked him. They walked into the room, and a few of them took drinks from the waiter or something to eat. Snape glanced around the room briefly- people were chatting and laughing and looking as though they were having a great time, although for the life of him Snape couldn't work out why. 

"Mr. Snape?" Someone asked, and Snape turned around, still partly in a daze. 

"I just wanted to tell you I thought your portrayal of a wizard was brilliant. I've always wanted to be a wizard you know, even to play one on the screen. After all how many times can you say "The names Bond. James Bond" without getting sick of it?" The man laughed.

Sandra was staring at him dumbstruck. Even Emma seemed a little frazzled. 

"Well maybe we'll have a part for you in the sequel Mr. Brosnan." Adam said with a smile. 

"You never know do you?" Mr. Brosnan replied with another grin. "Excuse me will you but I'm thirsty."

After he left Emma spoke. "Wow. He's even cuter in person than on the screen." She said. 

"Who is he?" Snape asked, still feeling like he was in the middle of a dream or something.

"Pierce Brosnan…you can't not know him." Emma said surprised. "Unless you've been locked in a cupboard or something your whole life."

"Or a closet?" Suggested Mathew with a laugh. 

Snape felt his face redden. He might not be a stupid muggle but he knew what the muggle was suggesting: that he was gay. Emma must have told him her theory. 

"I need a drink I think." Adam muttered. 

"Wait a second." Snape said, stopping him. "I can't understand why you would trick me with your sister."

"Oh that still?" Adam shook his head. "Snape don't worry about it. I just didn't want you to come alone."

"Or with a man." Mathew muttered. 

Snape shot him a dark look. "You could have told me." He accused Adam angrily.

"And you would have blown up like you are now and said no way were you going." Adam said frowning. "Look Snape, I've had all I can take of you over the last few months. If I've ever met a more uncooperative, pain in the arse of a man, well I can't think who."

"I beg your pardon." Snape managed. He wasn't used to anyone insulting him, be it muggle or not. Students and staff at Hogwarts usually wouldn't dare to insult him knowing only too well his famous temper. 

"You heard me. Your attitude on the set, off the set, at the GML taping, everywhere. I've had it Snape. HAD IT." Adam snapped.

"Well for your information I've had it to. Had it with this whole stupid business." Snape snapped back.

"Thank god for that, because if I had to work with you again I don't know what I'd do." Adam said, and he started to walk off. And then over his shoulder he called "And don't worry Snape- there's nothing wrong with being gay. I could tell by the way you looked at Emma during taping, and the freaky costume you wore. Only a fag would wear that kind of thing."

That was it. Snape didn't have his wand so he couldn't curse the fool, so he did the next best thing: he jumped on him. And the two of them grappled and fought on the floor like children. The room was silent for a moment, and then some of the photographers who were allowed in began to take photos of the fight. It was up to the security to stop it but before they could get to work someone came flying out of the crowd to jump in the fray.

"Get off him you bastard." 

"Miss Minogue," One of the security guards who was the first on the scene tried to pull her off the top of Adam and Snape where she was trying to hit Adam with her fists. "Come now Miss. Minogue. You don't want to get involved in this."

"I bloody well do." She argued. "This man has been nothing but trouble for poor Mr. Snape. After the GML taping he practically abused him in the hallway. He is obviously just jealous because Mr. Snape is a star and all he is, is an assistant."

The other security guards were now pulling the two men apart, and the room was still staring in shock. Then they started whispering, wondering what was the problem between the two, and whether they'd ever work together again. For that matter, some asked, would this ruin Snape's reputation already, before it had barely even been gained?

"Are you all right Severus?" Kylie crooned. 

"Yes, fine." Snape muttered grumpily, and then to the security guard "You can let go of me now- I won't do anything. I think it's time for me to leave now anyway."

Snape's arms were released and he massaged them from where they'd been grabbed by the security guard. Adam was also released, and he stalked across the room, followed by Anika. Snape saw Sandra was talking to another man, and he walked over to her. 

"Severus- this is Hugh. Hugh Grant." She said.

"Hello mate." Hugh said. "Nice show you put on there." 

Snape merely grunted. 

"Oh look out, here comes Kylie and she looks determined." Hugh said with a laugh. "She and Liz had a falling out once you know."

"Liz?" Snape asked, confused.

"Liz Hurley- his ex." Sandra explained rolling her eyes.

"Liz and Gerri Haliwell had a fight one night too." Hugh added. 

"Who?" Snape asked, beginning to get flustered. Clearly he was meant to know most of these people in the room- they were meant to be muggle celebrities- but he had no idea, and he didn't even care. 

"Gerri- Ginger Spice? Defunct Spice Girls? She left the group?" Sandra asked.

Before Snape could reply Kylie arrived on the scene. "Did you say the Spice Girls?" She asked making a face.

"Yeah." Sandra said.

"Can't sing. I've heard some of their solo efforts, and it's shocking." Kylie commented.

"I know." Sandra agreed. "I think they suck….but I love you Miss Minogue. I'm even wearing your underwear tonight."

Kylie laughed, and Hugh commented that he wouldn't mind wearing her underwear either. Kylie heard the comment and smiled in his direction. "Now, now…" She said. "You wouldn't be like that would you?"

Hugh shrugged and then noticed someone across the room. "Oh- there's Sean- I wanted to speak to him about something." He walked off, and Sandra watched his retreating back sadly. 

"Now that is a man." She said.

"I've heard rumors he's not much of a man." Kylie told her.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Wow….would never have guessed. I better go and speak to Adam. See you later Severus." And she walked off leaving Snape and Kylie alone.

"So, what now Severus?" Kylie asked, flirting outrageously. 

"Now?" Snape repeated. "Now is time to get out of here."

Kylie's face lit up in a smile. "Perfect idea….let's blow this joint." She said. 

Snape thought about telling her that she was taking it the wrong way, that he didn't want her to come with him, and then he wondered whether perhaps the fans would be more excited to see her than him if they walked out together, and he shrugged. Why not let her come out with him? He didn't bother to say goodbye to anyone- why would he since he didn't know or like anyone there? He and Kylie walked left. 

[A/N. This chapter turned out a lot longer than I was planning….sorry about that. Isn't it a pity Snape's still got the American contractual obligations to go? Once there over he will never venture out in public again- **or will he?** I'm already debating a sequel to this story when it finishes. The fight between Adam was what I was referring to earlier when I said their relationship would deteriorate further, and I also mentioned about Sandra being someone other than who she pretended to be. I hope you enjoyed it regardless.]


	26. After the movie premiere

[A/N. I just realised that I have got more than a hundred reviews, and therefore I am in complete shock. I didn't even think my story was that good, just a silly, somewhat strange thing I dreamed up. But despite my opinions, I just wanted to thank everyone who has reviewed my story; it really does mean a lot to me. Now sorry about it taking so long for this next chapter to appear, but I've been working on an essay for uni which is due in soon. I decided to take some time off from it to write this however.]

Chapter twenty-six: After the movie premiere.

Snape glanced at Kylie out the corner of his eye. They were nearing the front door and Kylie was smiling happily. He decided it was now or never, but after the last episode he'd had with muggles, and muggle women in particular, there was no way he was going there again. He wanted nothing more than to be back in his office, teaching potions and being left the hell alone by the damn muggles. Snape sighed, and glanced outside. To his surprise there were still crowds of people milling around, including his unofficial fan club. He thought of the woman on the red carpet before the premiere, and the naked lady during the premiere. And then he changed his mind for the moment. As Snape walked outside everyone began to cheer and scream. 

Kylie moved closer to Snape and took his arm. "Where's your car?" She asked him.

Snape nodded in the direction of where his car was situated. "Do you want a lift?" He asked her. 

Kylie smiled. "A lift….that's one way of putting what I want Severus." 

Snape felt his face turn red. 'My Merlin this is one persistent woman.' He thought with an inward sigh. 'Worse than that annoying third year who had a crush on me in my last year at Hogwarts.'

"SEVERUS!" Amelia called. "Come and give me a hug Severus." 

Snape shuddered. "This is crazy." He muttered under his breath. 

Kylie's hand tightened on his arm. "I know." She said. "Like you'd even waste your time with _them_." 

"Mr. Snape?" Called a woman as she hurried over to him. Snape blanched wondering what now, but for some reason the security didn't stop the woman. She smiled at him. "How was the movie premiere Mr. Snape? Did the movie turn out as good as you were hoping?" She asked him, pen poised for his answer. Snape realised unhappily that this was a journalist. 

"Uh the movie premiere was uh….good. The movie was….well it was interesting." Snape replied.

"Were you pleased with your performance?" The woman asked. "Critics are claiming that you seem like a real wizard in this movie- do you agree with that?"

"Yes, definitely." Snape replied, even though he knew the movie didn't even begin to come close to what a wizard was really like. 

"So will you be pulling on your costume again for the sequel?" The woman asked.

Snape frowned slightly. "I don't know about that." He said. "I've got work which is pretty important."

"More important than acting?" The woman was surprised. "You know what a cutthroat business acting is don't you? Many people would die to have all this." She gestured at the premiere and the crowds.

"Well they're welcome to it." Snape replied firmly. 

The woman then smiled at Kylie. "Hello Miss Minogue, how did you like the movie premiere?"

"I loved it." Kylie enthused. "Seeing my Severus up there on the screen. He was handsome- don't you think he's handsome?"

"Undoubtedly." The woman replied. "Maybe you can talk him into repeating his performance in the sequel? After all women have the power right?"

Kylie laughed. "Don't we just." She replied.

"Well have a good night, and thank you for talking to me you two." The woman said.

Snape muttered a goodbye and then Kylie and he made their way towards the car, Snape trying to ignore the please for hugs, kisses, autographs and even other things which he made a face at. As they got in the car Snape asked, "So where can I drop you off?"

"Where are you going?" Kylie asked.

The driver waited patiently. "Back to the inn where I am staying, and then back to school first thing in the morning." Snape replied.

"An inn…" Kylie said with a laugh. "Isn't that an old fashioned word? You mean a pub right?"

Snape shrugged. "I guess so." He admitted. 

"Well I could sure do with a drink." Kylie said, and she leant forward to the driver. "Can you take us both back to Mr. Snape's rooms?"

The driver turned the key and the engine started, but before the car could move there was a noise as someone threw themselves onto the bonnet. There was a manic banging on the windscreen, and a woman was staring into the car at them. "SEVVIE!" She yelled. "I want to come with you. I'll give you the best time you've had in a long time- better than that white bitch in there with you now."

"Whore." Kylie snapped. "Driver- lets get going please." 

The driver put the car into gear, and slowly began to drive, but the woman hung on, persistent. 

"Godamn it." Kylie yelled. "Step on it." 

The driver increased the speed and the woman eventually hopped off the car, but turning his head Snape saw she chased the car for awhile, before giving up. Now, Snape thought, to get rid of this muggle. "Listen Kylie," He said. "I don't know why you're coming back with me. I'm not having a drink. I'm going straight to bed. I'm tired and I've got to get up early."

Kylie smiled. "Bed hmm?" She mused. "Well I could go for that."

"You don't understand." Snape said, beginning to get annoyed now. "I am going to bed by myself." 

"Oh for heavens sake lighten up Severus." Kylie said. "It's no big deal. Everyone does it."

"Everyone but me." Snape snapped. "I'm sorry Kylie, but I think you're much better off going back to your place instead. It's just not a good time for me at the moment."

Kylie looked thoughtful. "It's that woman isn't it? The one you arrived with? You broke up and you're upset?"

Snape started to tell her no, and then he stopped and nodded. Let her think that if it meant she would leave him alone. She reminded him of a particularly annoying plant they'd studied in advanced Herbology when he was studying at Hogwarts. This particular plant had grabbed any male who'd walked into the greenhouse and wouldn't let go until someone performed a spell to get rid of it. 

"You know what the best cure for a broken heart is?" Kylie asked, putting her hand on his knee suggestively. 

Snape felt sick. There seemed to be no way to get rid of this stupid muggle woman. It was nothing personal, he wanted to tell her, except that she was a muggle, he was a wizard, and wizards thought muggles were stupid. He moved her hand off his knee. "I am not going to sleep with you Kylie." He said. 

Kylie looked angry. "What is your problem Severus? Most red blooded men would die to have me."

"I just don't want to." Snape said, sounding to himself like a whining child. 

"Fine." Kylie snapped. "Driver- stop the car."

The driver obeyed, and Kylie gathered up her things. "When you stop being such a frigid moron give me a call." She told Snape, opening the door. "Although I can't guarantee I'll be free since there is no way in hell I am waiting around for a man." She got out of the car, slamming the door behind her. 

"Back to my inn." Snape told the driver weakly. 

The trip was a silent one with Snape thinking about what Kylie had said: this was precisely why he never bothered with muggles- they were idiots. 

Back at the Leaky Cauldron Tom smiled at Snape as he walked in. "How was the movie premiere star?" He called.

Snape muttered something rude and stormed off to his bed to get some sleep.

*****

His mood was barely better in the morning when he went downstairs to go back to Hogwarts. Tom was reading the morning paper, and he grinned at Snape when he walked into the bar. "You made the front page, the second page, and the eleventh page of the muggle paper today Mr. Star." 

Snape leant over and grabbed the muggle paper, the _London Morning Herald_, from the innkeeper. On the front page were various photos from the movie premiere, including one of him leaving with Kylie. Underneath the photo it said: **Severus Snape, star of William the Wizard, and girlfriend Kylie Minogue leaving the premiere last night. **Snape turned to the second page, which was basically a report of the movie premiere, with a paragraph devoted to him: **Severus Snape was just as good looking in person as he has been on the hundreds of posters around London. He arrived at the movie premiere separately from his girlfriend, but when asked before the premiere began Kylie explained that there were two reasons for this. Firstly that this was better for his fans, and secondly that the cast wanted to make an entrance together. After the movie (for details see page eleven) Kylie and Severus came out together, with Kylie holding tightly to her man in the face of all the female fans out there. When interviewed Kylie gushed about her boyfriend's good looks: "Seeing my Severus up there on the screen. He was handsome- don't you think he's handsome?" It is good to see that the actor has found love, although millions of fans everywhere are bound to be disappointed. **Snape felt sick. The muggle woman had let everyone think they were a couple, when really she was the last person he'd be with- a muggle, and a pain in the butt one at that. Sighing, Snape turned to page eleven, where the movie was reviewed. **Mr. Hampton keeps us in suspense from the very beginning scene where William the wizard (Severus Snape) is informed that his enemy is dead. But who is this enemy, and why is he so dangerous? These questions are not answered until later in the film. Snape, making his acting debut, portrays a wizard brilliantly, especially in the scene were he and his best friend and fellow wizard (Orlando Bloom) discuss whether or not to tell William's wife Wendy (newcomer Emma Martin) that William's mortal enemy Lord Voldemist (Ian Mckellen) is back. The movie itself is a powerful insight into a world we all wish existed, and the acting is superb. Snape is brilliant, as is Martin. Mckellen portrays the bad guy wonderfully. All in all this is one movie worth seeing. **

Snape threw the paper back onto the counter. "Rubbish." He snapped.

Tom grinned at him. "If I had Kylie after me-" He began, but Snape had about had it by now. First the premiere and all the annoying muggles there, then the lecherous muggle Kylie, now this imbecile.

"Well," Snape interrupted coldly. "You don't so there is no point continuing. Good day Tom- send the bill to Hampton studios as per usual." 

And he stormed from the inn, into Diagon Alley before anyone could say anything. It would be a relief to get back to Hogwarts and some semblance of normality. Snape conveniently forgot the American trip as he walked down the street happily amongst his own people. 


	27. Rita Skeeter writes again

Chapter twenty-seven: Rita Skeeter writes again.

Snape sighed happily to himself, and leant back in his chair. He was back where he belonged- sitting at his desk in the office adjoining his dungeon classroom, marking the papers the first years had just handed in on whether or not it was ethical to make a potion which would prolong life. Snape snorted at one of the answers: _"Ethics take a backseat when you consider how wonderful it would be to live forever. Imagine living through various eras, like the Industrial Revolution and the French Revolution. If I could go back in time I would like to meet the muggle scientist Albert Einstein. Einstein's major discovery was the formula that E=MC squared. What this formula means is that-" _Snape put a cross through the rest of the paper without even bothering to read it, and marked F at the top. The action made him smile with satisfaction, and he looked up and glanced around his office. Various ingredients used in potion making, as well as other interesting things floated around in bottles, and there was a fire roaring in the grate thanks to the house elves. Snape lowered his head to continue his marking, but there was a sudden whooshing from the fireplace, and Leroy Lockhart swept into the room. Like usual he was dressed in elaborate robes- these ones covered in moons and stars. 

"Hello Severus." He said with a smile.

Snape, startled by the whole thing, didn't respond. 

"Well don't look so happy to see me." Lockhart complained, coming over to sit in the chair on the opposite side of Snape's desk. "I would have thought after my two articles showing everyone how you're not a movie star, how you're a real man, a potions professor dedicated to your craft-"

"Yes, yes." Snape interrupted before he could continue forever like his brother. "I was impressed with the articles. I am, however, rather busy at the moment…."

"This won't take but a minute. I wondered if you might like to see an advance copy of tomorrow's Daily Prophet?" Lockhart asked casually, and he flipped a copy of the paper onto Snape's desk.

Snape looked at him carefully a moment before picking the paper up. On the front page was a similar photo to the one on the muggle paper the other day, however as it was a magical photo, Snape and Kylie were moving. She was smiling broadly and waving away, whereas Snape was looking dour. The headline declared **"SEVERUS SNAPE AS I KNOW HIM. An exclusive interview with Kylie Minogue."** The article, written by none other than Rita Skeeter, went on to say: **"I contacted Kylie Minogue, muggle singer and the woman seen with Severus Snape at the premiere of the muggle movie 'William the Wizard' [see above photo], about an exclusive for our paper. She was more than happy to spill the beams about anything and everything, although she didn't know this was for a magical paper. Inside is the interview which will shock the wizarding world."** Snape paused in his reading and looked up at Lockhart, who spread his hands. "I told you, you wanted to see this paper."

Snape glared at the photo of Kylie smiling up at him. "Damn her." He snapped.

"You might want to read the article- it gets worse." Lockhart said lazily leaning back in his chair.

Taking a deep breath Snape opened the paper and read out loud the interview with Kylie: **"When we met for our interview Miss Minogue seemed bright eyed and bushy tailed even though she had just spent the night with Snape after the movie premiere. She sat down, and I began my questioning:**

RITA: So tell me, what did you think of the movie first and foremost? My readers will be very interested in whether or not Snape accurately portrayed a wizard?

KYLIE: He was brilliant- if I didn't know better I would have thought he was a real wizard. 

RITA: Really, that good?

KYLIE: That good!

RITA: Fancy that hmm? And you've met Snape before the premiere?

KYLIE: We met on GML, yes.

RITA: And was it love at first sight?

KYLIE: Yes it was. I looked at him, and I'll admit it, I was smitten straight off. I really did love him.

RITA: I'm sorry- you said that like, almost as if you don't love him anymore?

KYLIE: Did I? I didn't realise. [Gives a large, strange laugh.]

RITA: Turning our attention now to the premiere- did you go with Snape?

KYLIE: Not exactly, we met there. I think Severus was a bit concerned about alienating his female fans arriving with someone like me.

RITA: So you met inside the theatre then?

KYLIE: Yes.

RITA: And you sat with Snape?

KYLIE: Yes, of course.

RITA: Just out of curiosity, what was Snape's reaction during the movie?

KYLIE: Um…..well….he loved it I guess. All actors have to be at least a little conceited don't they? Have to like seeing themselves on the screen?

RITA: Indeed, indeed. And after the premiere there were drinks and nibbles?

KYLIE: Yes there were, I think perhaps I had one or two too many wines myself…..actually, come to think of it perhaps Snape did too.

RITA: After the movie premiere what did you do?

KYLIE: Wow, talk about cutting to the chase.

RITA: What can I say? I'm a journalist!

KYLIE: Yeah. Well after the premiere Severus and I went back to his hotel room for a few more…..celebration drinks.

RITA: You hesitated there?

KYLIE: Did I? You don't miss a trick do you?

RITA: Nope, not one. Anyway, you did agree to give an exclusive?

KYLIE: I did.

RITA: And you are getting well paid for it aren't you?

KYLIE: I am.

RITA: So tell us about the uh…celebration drinks?

KYLIE: Well we had a few more drinks back at his hotel room- which was lovely, very classy by the way, and then we sat around and talked for awhile before one thing lead to another." Snape stopped in his reading. "Is she insinuating what I think she is?" He yelled.

Lockhart nodded. "I believe so- keep reading Snape." He said.

"I'm not sure I want to- tell me, is there any way we can prevent this from being published?" Snape asked.

Lockhart shook his head regretfully. "I doubt it. Let's just say Skeeter and our editor are very friendly."

Snape sighed and continued to read the article out loud, although not as loud as before: **"RITA: One thing led to another.**

KYLIE: Yes.

RITA: I see. And was it- was it good?

KYLIE: I can't believe your asking me this. What magazine do you work for again? The Hogsmeade Herald? In Scotland?

RITA: Yeah, that's the name of the magazine.

KYLIE: I can't say I've heard of it you know.

RITA: So, we were talking about you and Snape spending the night together?

KYLIE: It wasn't the whole night.

RITA: It wasn't?

KYLIE: No, I went home.

RITA: Why did you go home?

KYLIE [beginning to get annoyed]: Because.

RITA: Because why?

KYLIE: Because he couldn't get it up all right? Are you happy now? Jeez.

RITA: Really? Well, that's interesting.

KYLIE: Not particularly, no.

RITA: So have you see Snape since this uh…event?

KYLIE: No.

RITA: And will you be seeing him?  
KYLIE: I don't know- maybe, maybe not. Listen: this interview is getting too in depth for me, no matter how much you were paying me. Keep the money, I don't want to talk about things like this.

[AND WITH THAT KYLIE LEFT THE INTERVIEW, HOWEVER NOT BEFORE LEAVING ME WITH ENOUGH INFORMATION TO WRITE THIS ARTICLE.]" Snape finished reading, and threw the paper onto the desk in disgust. "Good Merlin, this is going to be read by everyone tomorrow morning. I am going to be the laughing stock of the school, the world. My students will never again respect me, nor will anyone for that matter."

Lockhart leant forward in his chair. "So, it's the truth then?"

Snape looked shocked. "Far from it. She was like a leach, and I told her to go home, told her I didn't want to be with her basically. I guess this is her revenge…" 

Lockhart nodded wisely. "That reminds me of a muggle saying I heard once about a woman scorned." 

Snape sighed. "What do we do?"

"Well," Lockhart said, a smile spreading over his face. "It so happens you're lucky I'm here. I've got an idea which just might work….."

"I'm all ears." Snape said. 


	28. A clandestine meeting

[A/N. With this being chapter twenty eight I am beginning to wonder whether this story has lost it's appeal...I mean it's a bit long isn't it? But the thing is I really enjoy writing it, and I suppose if I enjoy writing it I might as well continue..I don't know..Also if anyone reads this please excuse me not writing a longer chapter. I still have a lot of homework and not much time!]  
  
Chapter twenty-eight: A clandestine meeting.  
  
Snape sighed and shivered in the cold. It hardly seemed as though it were already December, and summer was four months behind them. In fact it hardly seemed as though all his troubles had started that summer. When would it all be over? Snape sighed again, and rubbed his hands together for warmth. He stood alone in the main street at Hogsmeade, dressed in his warmest robe, which wasn't really doing much good, for what it was worth.  
  
There was the crunch of footsteps on gravel. "Professor Snape, sorry I'm late sir but I had a bit of trouble in London and I-" The man walking towards him called.  
  
"SHH!" Snape hissed as he spun around to face him. "Good Merlin, do you want to wake the whole bloody town?"  
  
"Sorry Sir." The man said abashed.  
  
"Do you have them?" Snape demanded his voice still low.  
  
"Yes Sir, and if I do say so myself they're some of my best work." The man said, holding his head up proudly.  
  
"Well I think I might be the judge of that." Snape said coldly. "Give them to me."  
  
The man pulled out a large envelope from somewhere within his robes and handed it to Snape. Snape pulled out his wand and muttered "Lumos" so he could see the envelope.  
  
"Just wanted to tell you Sir- I don't believe a thing that Rita Skeeter writes, and from what I hear in the Leaky Cauldron not many people do-" The man began but Snape stopped him by raising his hand for silence.  
  
"Unfortunately," Snape said. "Enough people around here believe them which is why it came to this." He didn't go into details, but the last few days had been pretty hard for him with everyone in the school having read the article in the Daily Prophet article and laughing and making snide comments. The worst though were two separate incidents which made him see red just thinking about them. Firstly there was an anonymous letter slipped under his office door (he had his suspicions mind you!) which told him that as the potions master they would have thought he'd be able to prevent that kind of embarrassing problem. It added that there was a muggle tablet available he should try, something called 'Viagra' which he'd never heard of. The second incident was him coming across three Hufflepuff girls singing a song called "I should be so lucky" with new words about him. He'd immediately taken fifty points off their house for each of them, and given them detention for two weeks but the memories of other student's smiles couldn't be erased. And he knew for a fact that all muggle born students- and some wizard ones- were planning on going to see his movie when their Christmas holidays began a few weeks down the track.  
  
Snape sighed again, and opened the envelope. He pulled out the few things inside, studying them intently before nodding. "You're right." He told the man. "They're very good indeed. Now I believe I owe you ten galleons for this?"  
  
"Yeah." The man said nodding.  
  
Snape pulled the money out of his robes and dropped it in the man's outstretched hand. "Thank you." Snape said, beginning to walk away.  
  
"Professor Snape? Sir?" The man called softly after him.  
  
Snape turned round. "Yes?"  
  
"Contacting me, and getting me to do this, was it by any chance the idea of Leroy Lockhart?" He asked.  
  
Snape was surprised. "How did you know?"  
  
The man looked away and muttered "Let's just say we've done business on occasions." He said slowly.  
  
Snape shrugged. If Lockhart and this man were to scam together sometimes what business of his was it? "Goodnight." Snape said, and he walked off, muttering the spell to extinguish the light emitting from his wand as he did so. As he walked, despite the bitter cold penetrating his very bones, he smiled happily. Soon he'd be vindicated. 


	29. Snape's revenge

[A/N. This chapter is kind of silly, but that's because I decided that my original idea for Snape's revenge, whilst rather funny, wasn't probably completely appropriate for a story anyone can read, so I had to change it a little bit, and tone it down. I hope you still enjoy it though.]

Chapter twenty-nine: Snape's revenge. 

"HOMEWORK?" Seamus Finnigan exclaimed. "But Sir- it's almost Christmas." 

"There are still another three weeks until Christmas Mr. Finnigan," Snape replied smoothly. "And if you think that you're not going to learn in those three weeks you're very much mistaken. And especially when this year is such an important year in your wizarding education. You are sixth year students. Next year you take your NEWTS. Or don't you care about your NEWTS Mr. Finnigan?" 

Finnigan muttered that he did care about NEWTS, and Snape looked around the classroom thoughtfully. It had now been exactly three days since he'd met with the stranger and although the furore surrounding that Skeeter woman's article was beginning to die down Snape wasn't backing down about getting his revenge. There was no way he was going to let some muggle woman- he'd found out over the past few days that Kylie was fairly well known in the muggle world for both being a singer, and for wearing a particular style of pants known stupidly enough as "hotpants"- get the better of him that was for damn sure. Apart from the smart comments from students Dumbledore had told him the other day that he found the article quite a "comic relief", especially after all the troubles they'd had over the last year and a half. Snape knew he was referring to the times since Potter had came back to them with tales of Voldemort's resurgence, at the end of his fourth year. 

"Although," Snape said slowly. "When I think about the results of some people's OWLS I begin to wonder whether they're very likely to even get one NEWT." And here he looked over at Neville Longbottom, who turned a bright red shade. 

"I'm sure everyone here will do just fine." Granger commented. 

"Indeed." Snape said softly. "Well you better thank your Gryffindor classmates Slytherins, since their behaviour has induced me to increase that homework-I now want no less than four pieces of parchment on the topic."

There were groans and complaints from both sides of the classroom as the bell rang. When they'd left the classroom Snape sighed and dropped down into his chair. He was feeling particularly annoyed about things lately- since the article had come out he had increased homework and given detentions left, right and center in a vain attempt to stop the student's laughing, or smirking whenever they saw him. Unfortunately this didn't work, but Snape was glad he had a journalist on his side, and he'd be getting revenge. He sighed again and got up and went to the Great Hall for lunch.

__

"I'll sing you a song of love and happiness,

It's sickliness outdone only by it's sappiness. 

My life has been incomplete,

Until I met this sexy piece of meat.

I met a professor with greasy skin and oily hair, 

And I thought oh baby, yeah.

I chased him far, and I chased him near, 

My eyes were intent upon his sexy rear. 

But when I finally got him I wondered why I'd even tried,

Because there's something he wants to hide.

When we got into bed, 

It was simply dead."

"PEEVES!" Snape roared his face scarlet with anger, and specks of spit flying from his mouth as he yelled. "HOW DARE YOU? I AM A PROFESSOR HERE AND I DESERVE YOUR RESPECT!" Another sound made him whirl around and he saw three girls standing there, smiles on their faces. "AND WHY AREN'T YOU AT LUNCH? DETENTION TO YOU ALL, AND FIFTY POINTS OFF YOUR HOUSE." 

"Severus." Said a mild voice. "What's the problem? Girls- go on into lunch." Dumbledore was eyeing them with curiosity. 

Snape pointed at Peeves, who was doing cartwheels in mid-air, grinning insanely. "That- that-"

"Poltergeist?" Dumbledore suggested. 

"-Was making up songs about me." Snape managed to say. "And not exactly flattering songs either."

"Ah." Dumbledore nodded. "And not the first time he's made up songs about people either. In fact I believe he had one about me just last month in which I was a batty old codger. Quite a catching tune too. I used to hum it all the time."

"Headmaster," Snape said, still furious. "I don't appreciate him making things worse than they already are."

"Right." Dumbledore said slowly. "I know what he was singing about. Severus, I think we should go into lunch. I am starving. My stomach has been growling at me quite fiercely for the last half-hour. I could eat a hippogriff." 

"But Headmaster, Sir, aren't you going to do anything about this?" Snape asked, indicating Peeves, who was still practicing his mid-air acrobatics.

"Not on an empty stomach at least." Dumbledore replied, and he went into the Great Hall. 

Snape hesitated, glaring at Peeves, and then followed him into the hall for lunch. 'Could things get much worse for him?' He wondered, and then remembered that in just over a week he would be off to America and if he didn't go would be put in jail with a bunch of muggles. It looked as though things could get worse, but he was looking forward to his meeting with Lockhart that afternoon more than ever. 

"Well?" Snape demanded a little over two hours later as a smiling Leroy Lockhart resplendent in bright pink robes and a matching hat entered Snape's office.

Lockhart smiled as he took his seat. "Cold day isn't it? I am not exactly fond of this weather and have been debating taking a holiday in the Bahamas for some time now." 

"Excuse me if I don't chose to indulge in the niceties of small talk, Lockhart." Snape said. "But I am rather anxious to see it."

Lockhart nodded. "Yes, I can imagine you would be. I'm sure you've probably had a pretty rough time of it. I've heard the gossip in both Hogsmeade and London, and I can imagine it would be pretty bad here too. Kids can be cruel."

"Indeed." Snape muttered. 

Lockhart handed over an advance copy of the next morning's Daily Prophet and Snape unfolded it, skimmed the front page and then smiled. "Yes, this should do perfectly. Hopefully once people have read this I won't get any more smart comments." He said and he handed it back to Lockhart. 

*****

The next morning Snape hummed to himself as he went down for breakfast. The first person he encountered was a Slytherin second year girl. "Professor Snape." She called. "You won't believe what's in the paper?"

"Really?" Snape asked smoothly. "Show me."

She handed over the paper and Snape read it as though it were the first time he'd seen it. "**A Daily Prophet Exclusive!** That sounds interesting Miss. Martin." He said. 

She nodded. "It's very interesting. I have to go to breakfast Professor Snape. You can read that on your way." And she hurried off.

Snape put the paper under his arm and made his way into the Great Hall. A few people were looking at him thoughtfully, but most hadn't read it yet, although the teachers had, and they were looking at him as he took his seat and opened the paper. "Miss Martin gave this to me and told me I'd be interested in it. I wonder what it is." Snape said idly, as he made a big show of unfolding it. His eyes widened at the pictures on the front page. In the first picture Kylie, half-naked, was dancing around a pole. In the second photo, Kylie was kissing a woman. Snape raised an eyebrow. "Hmmm." He said. "**Story written by Louise Lockerby, friend of muggle singer Kylie Minogue.** Interesting." 

"Read the article Severus," McGonagall urged. "I am sure after what she said about you, you're going to love this."

Snape cleared his throat, and then he read out loud. "**This story stems from an article seen in _The Daily Prophet_ the other day by Rita Skeeter. As I read the aforementioned article my anger grew. Skeeter was making out things I knew to be completely untrue, and my blood boiled. I believe in the integrity of journalism, and this woman was flaunting terrible lies about the place. Let me explain. Kylie, the muggle singer, and I grew up together. She never knew I was a witch and simply though I went to boarding school. So of all people I am pretty qualified to write this story. Over the years our friendship has grown and we're now pretty tight (for proof see the above picture) so when she expressed an interest in Severus Snape I wasn't exactly pleased. I was worried that he would be a threat to our relationship. In the article by Skeeter the other day she claimed to be quoting Kylie however the information presented in the article was false. Kylie did indeed go to the movie premiere, leaving me at home. She did indeed meet Severus Snape there, and they did indeed leave together. But that's about as far as the truth goes. Kylie expressed an interest in Severus Snape, but Severus Snape was a complete gentleman and refused her advances. The reason he did this? Well it was because I had spoken to him earlier to tell him not only about the relationship between Kylie and I, but also about Kylie's other hobby- that of exotic dancing. When Severus Snape found this out he was pretty put off by the whole thing, and therefore when Kylie tried to convince him to do something after the movie premiere he told her in no uncertain terms he didn't think she was his type. When I spoke to Kylie she was furious about this, and she told me that he would pay. How did he pay? Well he paid by Skeeter's lying, inaccurate account in the paper the other day. In short, the interview was nothing more than Kylie's revenge and I am not about to stand by and let an innocent, upstanding man like Professor Severus Snape's name be sullied by this muggle woman who is allergic to the truth. For the record our relationship is also now finished, so in making up things Kylie has lost everything.**" Snape finished reading, and assumed what he thought was a shocked expression.

"What do you say about that?" Flitwick squeaked. 

"When we commented on the article why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you say something so the students and wizarding world haven't been talking about you so much lately?" McGonagall demanded.

"I couldn't." Snape said, trying to keep a straight face. "It was…well it was a little bit embarrassing, and I didn't want to go around talking about her like that. She's a nice girl and all….but…."

"I wouldn't ever have pegged you for a gentleman like that Severus." McGonagall replied. "Well you've surprised us all- and pleasantly too."

Snape smiled slightly, and then the breakfast begun. By lunchtime everyone in the school would have read the story and there would be no more sly comments or looks, and the rest of the wizarding world would be applauding his manners, when in reality they should be applauding Lockhart's genius. 


	30. Snape's warning

[A/N. If this chapter isn't as good as usual you'll have to excuse me. I've got a cold. As well as two essays. Isn't it ironic that I had my flu shot last Weds and now I've got a cold? *sigh* It will also probably be a bit shorter than usual, for the same reasons. I hope you enjoy it regardless.]  
  
Chapter thirty: Snape's warning.  
  
Snape took a big bite of the bacon and egg roll he was eating for breakfast and surveyed the Great Hall with satisfaction. It was only yesterday that Lockhart's article on Kylie had appeared in The Daily Prophet, and already the changes were obvious. Instead of giving him smirks, students were giving him surprised looks. Instead of making fun of him, students were impressed by his chivalry. And the staff were exactly the same. Dumbledore himself had commented on Snape's high morals, and how he hadn't thought he had them. The screech of owls overhead signified the daily mail, and Snape was surprised to see he had mail- three letters in fact. The one on the top of the pile was in a bright pink envelope which was dotted with little love hearts. Seeing McGonagall, who was sitting next to him, eyeing it, Snape hurried to put the letters into his robes to read later. A few minutes later the bell rang signaling the end of breakfast, and for students to make their way to class. Snape sighed inwardly; he had sixth years, including the Gryffindors first up. If truth be told Snape had never really forgiven Potter, Weasley and Granger for their stupid prank the other month. It only exacberated his dislike for Potter who was just like his stupid father- thinking he was above the rules.  
  
"Professor Snape." Malfoy called as Snape approached the dungeon classroom where they were all standing outside in a group waiting. The Gryffindors were standing as far apart from the Slytherins as humanely possible though.  
"Yes Malfoy?" Snape asked, gliding over to the door and unlocking it. The students trooped inside, some looking less than enthusiastic about the prospect of potions.  
  
"I had an owl from father last night you might be interested in hearing about." Malfoy said as they took their seats.  
  
"Indeed?" Snape asked, wondering whether it was a trick or not. Malfoy normally didn't play tricks on him being part of the Slytherin house and all, but Snape was unusually paranoid lately.  
  
"Father said to congratulate you on your high morals. Father said you're an upstanding citizen and he's going to nominate you for the staff position on the board of the school. Apparently Professor Flitwick has had enough after ten years." Malfoy explained. "Anyway Father is pretty sure people will back him on this one."  
  
Snape looked at Malfoy thoughtfully. It hadn't escaped his notice that Malfoy often tried to "suck up" to him, as the students would put it, but he didn't mind. In all honesty it was rather flattering. "Well thank you Mr. Malfoy." Snape said. "It's glad that people have realised what a gentleman I am."  
  
There were snickers from the Gryffindor side of the room, and without turning around Snape shot out "Twenty points from Gryffindor."  
  
"You know Sir," Malfoy added, shooting the Gryffindor side of the room a dirty look. "Father will be glad to have some support on the board. He's got some strong ideas as to who should be here.."  
  
"I'm sure he has." Snape said, deciding it was time to get on with the lesson. "Page ten of your textbooks please." As much as he liked hearing all the praise he knew they had to keep up to date on the work otherwise Dumbledore would get annoyed.  
  
*****  
  
"Professor Snape sir?" Asked a high pitched, somewhat squeaky voice.  
  
Snape jumped. He was sitting in his office later that day trying to think of the most annoying, and most difficult essay topic for his third year students. "Who's that?" Snape demanded.  
  
"Me." Said that same, strange voice. And then Snape realised who it was- a house elf.  
  
"What are you doing in here?" Snape demanded.  
  
"Dobby has come to warn Professor Snape sir." The house elf squeaked.  
  
"Warn me?" Snape asked, curiosity getting the better of him. "Warn me about what?"  
  
"Professor Snape must not go to Hogsmeade tomorrow." The house elf said firmly.  
  
"It so happens," Snape said coldly, rather annoyed at this stupid cryptic warning from a stupid creature. "I need to go to Hogsmeade tomorrow. Not only am I meeting a friend for a drink but I also need to get some more things for my private stores. So unless you can tell me why I shouldn't go.."  
  
The house elf looked unhappy. "Dobby can't tell you that Sir." He said.  
  
"Then I will be going to Hogsmeade tomorrow as planned. Thank you for your time, but I've got some things to prepare for class." Snape said, dismissing the house elf.  
  
"Professor Snape!" The house elf cried. "Please listen to Dobby sir. You must not go to Hogsmeade tomorrow."  
  
"WHY?" Snape roared angrily. His hand inched towards his wand, but he wasn't sure that he could pull it out. He'd never experienced it, but he knew that house elves had their own brand of magic, one which was very powerful.  
  
Something twinkled slightly in the house elves eyes and he shook his head. "I can't tell you Professor Snape sir, you're going to have to just trust me."  
  
"Trust a house elf." Snape snorted. "Ridiculous."  
  
"If Professor Snape goes to Hogsmeade dire things will happen." The house elf predicted.  
  
"Get out of here!" Snape snapped standing up and taking out his wand. "How dare you come in here, to the office of a Hogwarts professor, and annoy him like this? I know that this is someone's idea of a stupid joke, and let me tell you now, I don't find it at all funny."  
  
The house elf bowed briefly and then left the office. Snape sat back down at his seat, his nostril's flaring. When would the students, the staff, the wizarding world, and even stupid little creatures leave him alone? He sighed and put his hands in his head. Was it going to get worse again when he went to America in a few days time? Even without the trip to America it was bad enough with the school holidays beginning soon and the muggle students- and perhaps the non-muggle ones- all hurrying out to see "William the Wizard." He sighed again. 


	31. A treacherous journey

[A/N. I'm finally adding another chapter, but it's basically because I feel bad because I haven't written anything for so long. I'm still in a lot of pain (although my painkillers are slowly being reduced), I am hobbling around the house like an old woman (and have finally discarded the walking stick, which makes me pretty slow) and technically I'm still not allowed to sit up for more than ten-fifteen minutes at a time on orders of my surgeon and psyio. (I spent four hours on here the other day writing an essay, oops.) I'm still doing rehab/psyio and I've got two weeks to get a bit better or else the surgeon is going to want to operate, and I don't have a spare four months to recover. Anyway, so taking all of this into account please understand if this chapter isn't as good or has stupid mistakes in it, I am on some strong medications. And thanks for being so patient! I've also got some of the next chapter "What happened in Hogsmeade" in my mind as well, so hopefully I will get the chance to write and then upload that chapter soon also.]  
  
Chapter thirty-one: A treacherous journey.  
  
Snape, being Snape, didn't think too much of Dobby's warning. He chalked it down to one of the students playing a stupid prank and forgot all about it. He went to bed at his usual time looking forward to the next day. He was meeting an old friend of his father's who had been over in America or some other similar place for many years and was finally back and anxious to see how "young Severus" had turned out. Snape had a brief moment of regret that his own parents weren't around to see the man since he knew how close they'd been, but his parents had died fourteen years back in a massive murdering spree of Voldemort. Snape liked to tell himself that this was one of the reasons he left the Death Eaters, but it wasn't so much that as something else. He shook his head, things like this were better off being left alone, and got into his warm bed.  
  
It was the school clock which woke him in the morning. Before Dumbledore had been headmaster it had simply sounded a wake-up alarm, however Dumbledore had enchanted it so that it now sang a ridiculously cheery song, the last thing Snape wanted to hear first thing in the morning. On one occasion when he had complained about it to Dumbledore he'd been told that it was meant not only to wake everyone up but inspire them for the wonderful day ahead. Snape sighed, showered and dressed in one of his nicer black robes. He checked his reflection in the mirror. He wanted to make sure he looked all right for Branson. He was full of questions about America and the wizarding world there. He only hoped Branson didn't want to go into too much detail about the death of the elder Snape's. Snape went to open his door, only to find it was stuck. He tried valiantly to open it, pulling so hard that when the doorknob slipped out of his grasp he fell backwards and onto the floor. He scrambled up angrily, a brief glimmer of happiness that nobody was around to see that, and pulled out his wand. "Alohomora" He cried, deciding to waste no more of his time. But to his complete shock the door remained firmly closed. He banged on it in anger and went back and sat on his bed, contemplating it thoughtfully. It was certainly the first time something like this had happened to him.  
  
He glanced at the clock on his wall which was now sitting on "Breakfast" and wondered whether anyone would notice his absence. Then he frowned, most likely a lot of people would notice his non-appearance, but most likely they would do nothing about it. Students would think he was sick and be glad- they didn't like the fact that he was more than willing to punish them for things other, softer, teachers let them get away with. The staff would notice it too, but it wouldn't be until after breakfast that they wondered where he was. And then an idea came to him. His door hadn't just stuck itself shut, there was a reason for it, a very obvious reason. Someone had warned him not to go to Hogsmeade, and now that someone was trying to keep him at Hogwarts for the day.  
  
He stood up and pulled out his wand "Accio Dobby" he shouted wondering whether it would work or not. Summoning spells worked fine for inanimate objects, and also for some wizards, but house elves could be a different story. A few moments later Dobby was standing there, his head bowed.  
  
"Professor Snape, sir." He said without looking up.  
  
"Elf, did you seal my door?" Snape demanded.  
  
"Yes, Professor Snape sir, Dobby sealed your door. Dobby used a very powerful brand of elf magic which you couldn't reverse, but Dobby was not expecting a summoning charm so Dobby couldn't fight it." The house elf replied, his head still bowed.  
  
"Damnit Elf, don't you realise I've got an important meeting in Hogsmeade today?" Snape demanded.  
  
"Dobby knows about your meetings sir, that is why Dobby is trying to warn Professor Snape sir." The house elf cried.  
  
"Well I don't want to be warned. I am looking forward to seeing Branson, and I am also starving and want to get to the Great Hall before breakfast is finished." Snape demanded. "Don't dare disobey a Hogwarts teacher elf, or you'll be out of a job before you can blink."  
  
"You are meeting Branson Harris?" The house elf asked.  
  
"How do you know this?" Snape demanded angrily. "Have you been going through my mail? What kind of trick is this?"  
  
"Dobby has heard tales of Branson Harris." The house elf said slowly. "Dobby has heard he spent some time with dark wizards in America."  
  
"Open the bloody door." Snape snapped. He could care less about the stupid gossip of house elves.  
  
"But sir," The house elf said. "Dobby is only doing this for your safety."  
  
"I can look after my own safety." Snape snapped. "Now open that door before you get yourself into some big trouble."  
  
The house elf turned and pointed his finger at the door and it flew open. With one last look of distaste at the elf Snape hurried from the room. When he got to the Great Hall people were just leaving.  
  
"Slept in Severus?" McGonagall asked.  
  
"Something like that." Snape said, too embarrassed to tell her the truth.  
  
"Well you missed breakfast." McGonagall said.  
  
"Just my luck." Snape muttered annoyed. "I'll have to get lunch in Hogsmeade."  
  
"Well enjoy it." McGonagall said and she hurried off. Snape sighed and turned around. If he never saw that dratted house elf again it would be too soon-costing him his breakfast like that. He went back to his office where he happily failed a few people's essays even if they were good enough to deserve a better mark and it made him feel better. Although only slightly better.  
  
Eventually it was time to go to Hogsmeade and he started off down the road from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade. It was a cold day, and the wind was sharp, although the sun's weak rays took the edge off it slightly. Snape wondered what Branson would look like after all this time. It was strange, he thought, he hadn't even known he was back, and Branson had decided straight away to come and see him at Hogwarts. He must have heard on the wizard grapevine about where Snape was working. 'I hope he isn't going to give me any crap about that stupid movie!' Snape thought suddenly. The specter of going to America soon to promote the movie had been hanging over his head like an axe, and if Branson had only just returned from there, then he would more than likely know about the movie.  
  
"Ah, my less than faithful servant." Said a cold, high voice, and Snape felt the hairs rise up on the back of his neck as he turned around slowly.  
  
There stood none other than Lord Voldemort. Snape was speechless.  
  
"I heard you've had an interesting few summers-especially the one before the last with your stupid little errand for Dumbledore. Although stooping to the low of a muggle movie, well Severus, I would never have thought it." Lord Voldemort said, shaking his head.  
  
Snape had not expected to come face to face with Lord Voldemort. Especially in the daytime, in a place where anyone could come along, especially when he was still far from full strength. It was not Voldemort's way, unless he had changed, but why would he? And where were his minions? There was no way he'd be travelling without them- especially Wormtail. And then Snape realised: this wasn't Lord Voldemort- this was a boggart. Rather than asking what it was doing there he pulled out his wand and cried "Riddikulus" and Lord Voldemort slowly turned older and more frail, and Snape snorted with laughter. There was a crack, and the boggart disappeared.  
  
Snape continued his walk towards Hogsmeade, wondering why on earth there had been a boggart in the middle of the road? Normally they wouldn't be found anywhere other than a nice, dark place, and whilst it wasn't exactly sunny due to the winter sky, it still wasn't exactly where Snape had imagined a boggart to be hanging out. As he walked his thoughts went back to Branson automatically, and then he thought about Dobby's comment: Branson involved in the dark arts? There was no way that would have happened. He'd been one of the more outspoken people against Lord Voldemort during his reign of terror, and had he even guessed that Snape had been a Death Eater, well, Snape shuddered to think. At least this explained the boggart, Snape thought. He'd obviously been worried about Branson finding out about his former career and therefore the boggart had assumed the shape of Lord Voldemort rather than anything else.  
  
As he rounded the corner and Hogsmeade came into sight Snape was stopped in his tracks yet again. There in the middle of the road was a banshee and she was grinning at him, huge gaps in her rotting teeth. Snape had never heard of a banshee being here, and he glanced at his watch- he was already running ten minutes late and he was starving. He wasn't in the mood for another stupid prank and he pulled out his wand, muttered "Petrificus Totalus" and stepped past the fallen form of the banshee.  
  
The streets of Hogsmeade were unusually crowded and Snape wished the rule about third year students and over being able to go there was revoked.  
  
"Professor Snape sir, you made it here." The house elf appeared out of nowhere and Snape glared at him.  
  
"You. It was you trying to stop me with that bloody boggart and that stupid banshee along with that stupid door trick this morning." Snape practically yelled. He could feel himself losing his temper.  
  
"Me." The house elf confirmed. "It was Dobby sir, but I only did it for your own good."  
  
"I think there's a rule about house elves leaving the school grounds for too long isn't there, elf?" Snape asked coldly.  
  
"Yes sir, Dobby is going sir, Dobby just wants you to know he tried to warn you." The house elf said.  
  
"From Branson?" Snape demanded. "Listen I don't believe a word of that dark arts stuff you've been saying. Branson Harris hated dark wizards, hated Lord Voldemort and would never, ever be involved with them. If he knew..anyway, get back to school elf, I've got to see Branson or he'll think I didn't come."  
  
"Dobby is going sir." Dobby said again. "But Professor Snape, sir, it's not Branson Harris."  
  
"Are you insane?" Snape cried. "I read the letter myself, I know who-"  
  
There was another crack and the house elf disappeared leaving Snape alone in the street. He didn't know who was behind this stupid joke-although he had his suspicions considering the whole Snape Tape scandal-and he didn't care for the moment. For the moment he was going to the inn to meet Branson and it was later he would think about the joke and teaching the perpetrators a lesson. He sighed with relief to have made it, and for the house elf to be gone.  
  
Later on he would wish he hadn't sighed with relief, and he'd listened to the house elves words. 


	32. What happened in Hogsmeade

[A/N. Like I said in my last chapter I also had the plotline for this chapter in my mind so I thought I'd try and do this one at the same time. I only wish computer chairs were more comfortable, so I might take my laptop back to bed or into the lounge room later on to write some more, or write this in stop-start mode. I might not be on the computer much during the week since I've got rehab and psyio during the week, but I'll be back..]  
  
Chapter thirty-two: What happened in Hogsmeade.  
  
"Afternoon Professor Snape, lovely day isn't it?" One of the Ravenclaw girls said, while her friends giggled behind her.  
  
"What?" Snape asked confused.  
  
"I was just commenting on the lovely weather." The girl replied.  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow. "Look at the bloody weather girl. It's winter, it's cold, it's cloudy, what the hell are you on about?" He demanded.  
  
"Oh, so it is." The girl said looking surprised. "Well, every days a lovely day isn't it?"  
  
"I might remind you that for a student to be drinking alcohol is illegal." Snape said, thinking that perhaps the Ravenclaw girls had been in Honeydukes drinking mulled mead or something.  
  
"Alcohol?" The Ravenclaw shook her head. "No, we're drunk on life Professor Snape."  
  
"Right, well excuse me..I've got things to do.." He started off, and behind him he heard one of the girls hiss "You were meant to ask him."  
  
"Professor Snape?" The Ravenclaw girl called, and Snape sighed and turned around to see what she wanted.  
  
"We were wondering whether we could have your autograph." The Ravenclaw girl asked her face red.  
  
Snape glared at her. "I don't think that's a funny joke." He snapped. "You'll get my autograph all right- on your report at the end of the year, and you better hope your brain comes back or it will be underneath a big fat F!" He hurried off towards Honeydukes angrily. First it was that stupid house elf trying to stop him from meeting his friend, and then it was Ravenclaw girls asking for his autograph. Whether they were serious or not he didn't care, but it sure as hell better be the last time.  
  
He sighed and stepped into Honeydukes, and then stopped dead in his tracks in shock. There was no sight of Branson Harris, instead the pub was filled head to toe with girls and women, and over the bar was a huge banner declaring "WE LUV SEVERUS SNAPE!" with a smaller one saying "SEVETTE'S: THE OFFICIAL SEVERUS SNAPE WIZARDING FAN CLUB."  
  
Snape's jaw dropped. First of all it was muggle fan clubs, but now people from his own world? The very same people of whom many had made fun of him for being in a muggle movie in the first place. Snape began to back out slowly, hoping they wouldn't notice him, but it was to no avail.  
  
"He's here! Severus Snape is here!" Someone screamed, and then there was pandemonium in the pub as all the fans got excited. Someone pushed their way through to him. She was about his age, with dark black hair and sparkling green eyes, with a big smile on her face.  
  
"Hi, my name's Lalita." She said extending her hand. "I founded the Sevettes after I saw your unofficial muggle fan club at the premiere of 'William' in London."  
  
Snape didn't take her hand. "I think there's some mistake.I was meant to be meeting an old friend of the family here, Branson, he was meant to be back from America."  
  
"Oh. That." She had the good grace to look embarrassed.  
  
"Yes. THAT." Snape said slowly.  
  
"Well sorry about that, it was me. I thought if I told you the truth, that it was a Sevette's convention you wouldn't have come, knowing your liking for privacy and all." Lalita explained. "I hope you'll understand."  
  
Snape was speechless.  
  
"You're not mad are you?" Lalita asked neverously. "We just wanted you to know you had some fans in the wizarding world too."  
  
"Yes...well..thank you for that." Snape said slowly. "Believe me when I tell you I'd love to stay and chat but I have got a few things I've got to get for my private stores."  
  
"But some of these people have come such a long way to see you." Lalita said. "Take Marilyn here, she was on holidays in Ireland, but she got back here, and then there's Jamie who was in France, and then we've got-"  
  
"Yes, yes I get the picture." Snape said hastily interrupting what he thought could go on forever. "But I'm afraid..well to tell you the truth fan clubs aren't really my deal. I get a bit nervous around a bunch of people screaming my name."  
  
He and Lalita had moved away from the rest of the crowd a bit as he said this. She nodded slowly, looking understanding. "Well I guess if it were me in your position I'd find it somewhat disconcerting too." She admitted. "But at the same time, it's like there are certain things which come with fame, almost certain responsibilities-"  
  
"Don't tell me about them!" Snape interrupted with a sigh. "I suppose you saw me make a git of myself on 'Good Morning London'?"  
  
"As a matter of fact I did see it- I was around at my parents, and my father's got a fascination for muggle things such as a television, so yes, I saw it, but no, I didn't see you make a git of yourself. What I saw was someone who was incredibly nervous about the whole thing, but managed to acquit himself fairly well." Lalita said.  
  
Snape stared. "Perhaps you saw the wrong show?" He suggested, and she laughed, tossing her hair back.  
  
"No, I'm pretty sure it was the right one. That co-star of yours- Emma was that her name?- she seemed very ambitious." Lalita said.  
  
"She is." Snape nodded. "I don't know why because I couldn't stand being famous like that, and then there's the director's assistant, Adam, he's even worse."  
  
"Is he the one you had the fight with at the premiere?" Lalita asked.  
  
Snape went red. "How did you know about that?"  
  
"Oh I hear the gossip..actually, my cousin's a muggle, she's a lawyer and into the whole film scene so she mentioned it to me." Lalita explained. "But from the sound of it he deserved it anyway."  
  
"Hmmm.yes." Snape replied.  
  
"Look, I understand you don't want to be here, you want to get your things and get back to your private world, but can't you just do me one little favor?" Lalita asked, giving Snape that big grin again.  
  
Snape hesitated. "What kind of favor?" He asked, hardly believing the words which had come out of his mouth.  
  
"Just have a drink or two with us.so then they won't feel their trip has been wasted. I've made a rule that they're not to pester you too much, nor ask you personal questions, so it really shouldn't be too bad. If you go now..well they're not going to be very happy with me, are they?" Lalita asked.  
  
"With you?" Snape asked surprised.  
  
"Well being the president and the person who organised this don't you think they're going to direct their backlash at me?" Lalita asked. "And then there's the fact I had to get the day off work for this."  
  
"What do you do?" Snape asked curiously, before committing himself.  
  
"I'm an intelligence officer for the Ministry of Magic." Lalita replied.  
  
"Oh, what department?" Snape asked.  
  
"Well I don't have one as such, we sort of cover all jurisdictions. For example we keep an eye on the wizarding world in other countries and their activities, and then we could also keep an eye on muggles who practice witchcraft- or what they think is witchcraft." Lalita explained. "We answer only to the Minister of Magic."  
  
"Wow," Snape couldn't help but be impressed. "You must be pretty smart."  
  
"So what do you say?" Lalita asked. "Are you thirsty?"  
  
"No more than two drinks though." Snape cautioned. "I've got to get back to school."  
  
"Deal." Lalita said, flashing that big smile again. And then she turned to the impatiently waiting gang. "Girls- Mr. Severus Snape!" She said grandly.  
  
*****  
  
Almost four hours later Snape was making his way back to Hogwarts. His two drinks had turned into five and he was slightly inebriated, but he didn't mind. True to Lalita's word the "Sevettes" had all been polite and not at all intrusive like muggles. All they wanted to tell him was that they admired his acting, and thanked him for coming, and things like that. In fact, Snape thought with a wry grin, he'd actually enjoyed it. Although he wouldn't be planning to do it again as he'd told Lalita when they'd said goodbye. That reminded him that in less than four days he was due in London to fly to America, and that ruined his good mood completely.  
  
He was entering his office when there was a noise behind him and Snape jumped a mile. "What the-" He began.  
  
"Professor Snape, sir, Dobby tried to warn you not to go to Hogsmeade." The house elf said. "Dobby knew, from talking to the other elves, that there was going to be a fan convention there, and Dobby also knew Professor Snape, sir hated fans, so Dobby-"  
  
"Dobby, I'm tired, I'm slightly drunk, and I've remembered something which has ruined my previous good mood, so I suggest you leave." Snape said. "And in future- maybe you shouldn't meddle in my business?"  
  
"Sir?" Dobby was confused. "But Professor Snape, sir, hates all those-"  
  
"Keep that big nose out of my business. What I chose to do, what I like or don't like..well it's my business." Snape snapped.  
  
"Sorry Professor Snape sir," the house elf muttered. "Dobby won't try to help again. Dobby is now confused about what you like and don't like." There was the customary crack and he disappeared, leaving Snape to sit down at his desk, put his head on the desk and fall asleep. 


	33. Repercussions

[A/N. I know this is only the third update in the three weeks that I've been home, but I'm only improving slowly, and still can't spend long periods of time on the computer. Also this probably won't be the longest of chapters for both the fact that I'm kind of sore today and have a few things to do, and also because the idea for this chapter, which came to me last night, doesn't need it to be long.]

Chapter thirty-three: Repercussions. 

Snape sighed as he sat looking at his breakfast the next morning. He didn't have much of an appetite for some reason. McGonagall glanced at him and he could tell she was trying not to smile. 

"So, I heard you had an interesting time in Hogsmeade yesterday?" She asked him.

"Interesting." Snape repeated. 

"But what I found even more interesting was that you didn't leave the place at once." McGonagall said. "Let alone staying and having a few drinks."

"Oh well, they were all right." Snape muttered. "Not as bad as the muggles."

"Right." McGonagall shrugged. "And when are you leaving for America?"

"Two days." Snape replied gloomily. 

"And clearly looking forward to it." McGonagall said.

"Clearly." Snape repeated.

"Well just think on the bright side." McGonagall said with a big smile.

"Bright side?" Snape asked. How could there possibly be a bright side to this?

"When you get back here the children will be leaving for their Christmas holidays." McGonagall said, and a muscle twitched near the corner of her mouth. "And the children will be happy to be home, seeing their parents and friends, going to movies….."

"Great." Snape sighed. And then a thought occurred to him: if he hadn't agreed to do the movie in the first place life would still be the same as it had always been, simple and normal. He decided to speak to Dumbledore as soon as possible. 

"The mail's late today. I wonder why." Sprout asked them.

"It is, isn't it?" McGonagall agreed. "I always take my morning coffee when I read the paper so it's a shame, and a break in my routine."

No sooner had she finished speaking then there was the screech of the owls' overhead, signaling the arrival of the mail. A paper was dropped on Snape's table and he opened it absently, not really caring what was in it. That was until he unfolded the front page, and saw a picture which shocked him: it was him and the "Sevette's" in "Honeydukes" yesterday. And the picture of him seemed to be having a great time. Below was another picture where he and Lalita were talking intently, and the headline declared "**Severus Snape's Sevettes. By Rita Skeeter.**" 

Snape muttered something under his breath which caused McGonagall to shake her head at him. "Teachers in a school don't say things like that Severus."

Snape didn't bother to argue that in some cases they did! And this was one of those cases. With his heart in his mouth Snape began to read the article to himself under his breath:

"**Severus Snape, star of muggle movie 'William the wizard' was spotted with a group of his fans, who call themselves "The Sevette's" in Honeydukes yesterday. This reporter observed that Severus seemed to be enjoying the company of his fans, and one woman in particular. Lalita, who is president of the fan club, also works for the Ministry of Magic as an intelligence officer, and as seen from the picture below she and Severus seemed to get on famously. Could it be that our star has found his leading lady? Is there romance on the horizon? This reporter thinks this is a definite possibility!**"

"A girlfriend hey Severus?" McGonagall asked, as she too finished reading the brief article.

"Nothing of the sort." Snape snapped. "She's making up bosh because she was annoyed that everyone found out her interview with Kylie was a lie."

"I don't know…" McGonagall said slowly, as she studied the picture of Snape and Lalita again. "You two do look friendly."

"For Merlin's sake, I was just being polite." Snape snapped. "Is there anything wrong with being polite?"

"Of course there's nothing_ wrong_ with it," McGonagall replied. "It's just unusual in some cases…."

The bell rang signaling the end of breakfast and everyone began to move. Snape hurried to speak to Dumbledore.

"Hello Severus, nice morning isn't it?" Dumbledore asked as Snape walked up to him.

"Nice enough." Snape replied. "Headmaster, I need to ask you a favor. Something I know is not technically right, but at the same time in an exceptional circumstance, which I most certainly believe this to be, surely things certain rules, or laws, could perhaps be wavered-"

Dumbledore interrupted. "What is it Severus? I have a meeting to get to in London so I'm afraid I don't have a lot of time." He asked cordially. 

"Okay it's this: I want to go back in time and say no to the whole movie thing. Headmaster surely you must have noticed what things are like for me? It's driving me crazy. If I could think of a potion which could do the same thing as a-"

"Severus, do you know the reason behind our law prohibiting time travel?" Dumbledore asked thoughtfully. 

Snape shook his head. "Not completely, sir, no."

"Well the basic premise is that we have to live with the consequences of our actions, and thus learn from them. But it actually stems from a wizard back in 1797 who kept going back in time and putting money on races and making himself a small fortune. See he'd lost a lot of money on the races, and he decided to go back and erase all his debts, however then he just got greedy and things go out of hand. How he got hold of the time turner, nobody knows, but after him, well that's when the Ministry decided to pass the law. I'm sorry Severus, but there are only certain circumstances in which we can allow time turners to be used."

"Not even if I beg?" Snape asked. "Headmaster this is getting out of hand!"

"Severus it will die down eventually. Even muggle movie stars aren't movie stars forever." Dumbledore assured him. "I'm sorry I couldn't be more help, and I've really got to run. I should see you before you go to America, but in case I don't, have a good time!"

Snape muttered something and stormed off to class, determined to give anyone who annoyed him detention for the rest of the year. He was sure that Dumbledore would have agreed to help him, and Dumbledore's response annoyed him greatly. It was all very good and well to have to live with the consequences of your actions depending on what they were. And he firmly believed his were exceptional!

"Inside," He snarled at the waiting class and they trooped into the dungeon classroom. 


	34. America here I come

Chapter thirty-four: "America here I come."

"Professor Snape?" One of his third year Slytherin's had his hand up and Snape sighed and drifted out of his daydream. 

"Yes?" Snape asked.

"When you're in America will someone be taking over this class?" He asked.

Snape grinned. "Of course, rather stupid question don't you think? Did you think you'd just get some time off or something?"

"No I thought you might set us some stuff to work through and leave us to our own devices, they did that at my old school. I think they thought it would build our characters." The boy explained.

"Where was your old school?" Snape asked. 

"I went to Eton for a year before I went here." The boy said proudly.

"Eton? Never heard of it- where is that? America? Somewhere else in Europe?" Snape asked.

"No, it's in England. It's a muggle school, a very exclusive one mind you." The boy said. "The princes of England have been there, or still go there in one case."

"The princes?" Snape asked.

"Of England?" The boy said.

"I knew what you meant, I was simply thinking out loud- not that you need to worry about that since clearly you don't even think." Snape snapped. 

The Slytherin boy looked taken aback. It wasn't common for Snape to pick on people from his own house. His friends all looked shocked too, and this annoyed Snape.

"When I get back from America I want to see a five page essay on the healing properties of potions and whether it is ethical to cure someone from a disease, with reference to both how the potions would be made for the disease, and our wizarding laws governing the application of this." Snape snapped. "And let me tell you know this might count for a large portion of your grade, so make sure it's good."

*****

After the class Snape went out to the Quidditch field to watch the Slytherin team practice. One thing about the trip to America which frustrated him as well as the whole thing, was that he was going to be missing the Gryffindor and Slytherin grudge match in the last week before the Christmas holidays. 

"We seem to be doing well Professor Snape." Malfoy said, coming to land his broom near where Snape was standing. 

"Well what looks good in practice isn't necessarily good in the real thing. We always look good in practice and in games, except when we play Gryffindor. If bloody Potter wasn't there." Snape shook his head. "I don't think I've seen a better seeker than him in a long time."

Malfoy pulled himself up. "With all due respect Professor-"

"Oh Malfoy don't kid yourself. You're not bad, but Potter looks like he was born to play the position. His talent is natural, doesn't even have to work on it." Snape said.

Malfoy looked sullen. "If only we could take him out of the game, within the rules of course."

"Of course." Snape said smoothly. "We wouldn't want to break the rules purely for the joy of beating Gryffindor would we know?"

"Most certainly not." Malfoy agreed. "We want to win fair and square."

Snape sighed, and then he laughed shortly. "Right, well fair and square be dammed, when you play Gryffindor get rid of him. I don't care how you do it, or what penalty it earns you, this game is important. And the last thing I need is more skiting from McGonagall." 

Malfoy nodded. "With pleasure Professor. With _great_ pleasure."

Snape nodded and then turned and walked back up to the castle. It was cold, and the wind was blowing strongly, and he wondered what the weather was going to be like in America-did they follow the same seasons as over here? He knew some countries didn't, and had different seasons at different times. He wasn't looking forward to getting up in the morning and making his way to Diagon Alley and the Leaky Cauldron where he was getting picked up from to go to the airport. And he was even less looking forward to seeing Emma and Adam. And even less having to go through the same things as he had in London with GML and the premiere. 

Snape went into his office and went through his mail. One envelope caught his attention and he opened it up and read it:

__

Hi Severus,

I just wanted to thank you for the wonderful time the other day in Hogsmeade. The girls had a great time meeting you, and I had a pretty good time myself. I have to confess I was pretty nervous at first because I knew of your reputation concerning the movie and your fans, but you proved to be a perfect gentlemen, and for that I thank you again. I suppose the papers are wrong in what they write, esspecially that Rita Skeeter. I'm sure by now you've seen her article about us? I don't know where she gets off writing rubbish journalism, however I have received some information about her which might mean she won't be writing anymore. I can't say any more than that for now since it is currently a matter being investigated by intelligence officers at the Ministry. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that it was fun the other day and thank you for your courtesy towards your fans. I also wanted to tell you to try and have fun in America, it's actually a nice country, so if you get the chance do some sightseeing. It might make interviews and premieres and muggles at least bearable. Oh, and tip for someone who has never travelled by the muggle transport of flying: Your ears might get blocked when taking off before reaching the flight altitude, so take a sweet and suck it whilst the plane is taking off and it helps stop it. 

Speak to you later, 

Lalita.

Snape went to curl the letter up and throw it on the roaring fire like he did with most letters from fans, but something stopped him. He read the letter again and then smiled- for the president of his fanclub this woman wasn't as bad as he'd usually think. And most importantly: she understood his feelings about the movie and muggles. The letter went in his draw instead. 

[A/N. Since it is taking me so long to post chapters at the moment (still having problems with my back and sitting down for any length of time, plus pysio, coupled with two take home exams for uni) I thought I'd let you know my plans (or some of them) for the next chapter: Snape is off to America, but it isn't all smooth sailing, or smooth flying as the case may be. No matter how well Snape thinks he's prepared for an overseas trip with muggles, he's not.] 


	35. Planes, trains and automobilesSnape styl...

[A/N. If this chapter is a bit longer than usual I apoligise, but I was having fun writing it, so it sort of grew and grew. And there was so much I could say in it! Plus since I don't update as much as I used to because of my stupid back I thought it wouldn't matter too much! In fact, it was so big I'm going to have to make it into two parts!]  
  
Chapter thirty-five: Planes, trains and automobiles- Snape style, part one.  
  
Snape sighed as he glanced back at Hogwarts as the carriage drove off towards Hogsmeade. On a nicer day he would have walked, but the winter was well and truly upon them and it was beginning to snow. Already Madame Pomfrey was administering treatments for the cold and flu in the dozens. Students had tried to use this as an excuse to get out of homework but Snape wasn't buying it. He explained to those few who were stupid enough to try it that they'd have to lose a limb before he'd even consider letting them get out of homework- and even then they'd be lucky. As the carriage rattled down the road Snape sighed again. If there was anything he was looking forward to less than this he had yet to see it. But on a good note it was the last official engagement he had to do to promote "William the Wizard" so once it was over he would be able to get back to normal life. Although he was concerned about the fact that it was almost the Christmas holidays and the children at the school were all looking forward to seeing a certain movie on their break.  
  
Before Snape knew it the carriage was stopping in Hogsmeade and he got out, shivering in the cold wind and wrapping his cloak around him more tightly. "Have a good trip Professor Snape sir," The carriage driver said saluting him.  
  
Snape grunted a reply and made his way into the warmth of Honeydukes, from where he was apparating to the Leaky Cauldron. He wondered whether there was time for a quick butterbeer to warm him up, but decided regretfully there wasn't.  
  
Tom smiled at him when he walked into the Leaky Cauldron. "Off to America?" He asked.  
  
"No Timbuktu." Snape replied.  
  
"Really? Where's that? In America?" Tom asked interested. "The paper said you're off to America to promote the movie, which I might add I went and saw when it opened here last week. I thought the muggle's perception of wizards was interesting."  
  
Snape merely raised an eyebrow. Interesting was not a word he would use to describe either the movie, or the experience. "Is the car here for me?"  
  
"Waiting out the front." Tom replied. "Strange type of muggle that."  
  
"Strange, what do you mean?" Snape asked, hesitating on his way out to the door.  
  
"I don't know..he's very big, and he sort of grunts rather than speaks, and I think he's wearing one of those muggle killing devices at his hip." Tom explained.  
  
"You mean a gun?" Snape asked, remembering only too well what a gun was and how it looked pointed towards you.  
  
"I don't know what it's called." Tom said, and he shivered. "And I don't want to."  
  
"Right, well got to go. Nice talking to you. Bye." Snape said, and he hurried out the front door and into muggle London.  
  
There was a muggle car sitting waiting for him, and next to it stood a tall, big man who clearly was the person Tom had been speaking about. "Mr. Snape?" The man asked.  
  
"Yes." Snape said.  
  
"My name's Alistair, I'm your bodyguard." The man said.  
  
"My what?" Snape asked, confused.  
  
"Bodyguard, you know looking after you, keeping all the girls off you, that kind of thing." Alistair explained, obviously wondering why Snape didn't know what a bodyguard was.  
  
"Oh, okay." Snape said nodding to himself and getting in the car. The idea of having someone who would keep the annoying muggle girls off him was perfectly welcome. The bodyguard got in after him and the car pulled away from the curb.  
  
It was a silent trip to the airport where Snape knew he'd catch what was called a "plane". After hearing that this was the way muggles flew from country to country Snape had immediately gone to the library and looked up the muggle studies books to find out what a "plane" was. There was no picture, but there were descriptions of it as "like a muggle car, only it flies, and is driven by a man named a pilot. Muggles see it as a very convenient way of travelling to another country as it takes far less time than the old methods of boats." Snape imagined it was like a car with wings.  
  
"Here we are sirs, Heathrow Airport." The driver announced as he stopped the car. The bodyguard got out followed by Snape who looked around. Everywhere he looked muggles were rushing about with bags looking completely blasé about the whole thing. A family of four rushed past him with the woman calling back to one of her children "Do hurry Jason or we shall miss our flight to Majorca and we won't be able to connect to the Honolulu flight." The driver pulled out the bags, and the bodyguard got a trolley and piled them on.  
  
"Have a nice trip Mr. Snape sir, and may I say, you look even more like a wizard in real life." The driver said, tipping his hat to him. "And wearing the costume makes it even more so."  
  
Snape bit back a sharp retort and nodded to the driver and muttered a quiet thanks.  
  
"That reminds me- Adam has given me something for you." The bodyguard looked through a bag. "Here, he wants you to change into this for the flight."  
  
Snape nodded and took the bag off the big man. Adam had mentioned in the letter about America that he would look after all of Snape's clothing for the trip.  
  
"If you just go in there and get changed and then we'll check in." The bodyguard explained, as he pointed to a small room. Snape went in and changed into the clothes, which were similar to those he had worn to the premiere, but were slightly more casual.  
  
The bodyguard nodded approval as Snape came back out and then muttered "Follow me." Snape nodded again, and followed him. Again, there were muggles hurrying about and the bodyguard led him through the throngs of people to the check in counter. He smiled at the lady and handed her two tickets and two small books.  
  
"Alright, let's get this checked." She muttered to herself as she opened the small books. And then she stopped in her tracks and stared up at Snape.  
  
"Mr. Severus Snape!" She exclaimed. "I didn't even recognise you until I looked at your passport."  
  
"My what?" Snape asked, and he leant forward to have a look. The small book had a photo of him in it, and gave his address as the Leaky Cauldron, and Snape remembered Adam getting him to have a photo taken and his signature on things for the trip to America. This little book must have been what it was all for. How strange, he thought.  
  
"I have to tell you, I've seen "William the Wizard" three times now, and let me tell you I thought you were great. I've always wanted to be an actress." She explained.  
  
"Excuse me," The bodyguard interrupted. "We're kind of in a hurry."  
  
"Oh of course, I'm so sorry." She apoligised. A few moments later the bodyguard was holding their boarding passes, their luggage had been checked and they were free to walk to the terminal.  
  
They walked past the "Duty Free" and the bodyguard looked inside briefly. "My girlfriend's mad for 'Tommy Girl' so I might have to grab some over in the States where I hear it's pretty cheap."  
  
Snape nodded, he was incapable of speech at that moment. He was looking around at the muggle crowds, and the muggle shops in wonder. This place was without a doubt the busiest place he'd ever been in his life. It was, of course, just a pity it was packed with muggles.  
  
"Let's get over to the terminal. I'm sure Adam and Emma are already there, or perhaps they've even boarded all ready." The bodyguard said. "I have to tell you though with all this war talk, and terrorist talk going on my girlfriend almost wouldn't let me come. I had to convince her it was fine, and a bloody good opportunity before she relented."  
  
"Yes." Snape replied slowly. He had no idea what the bodyguard was talking about, obviously some muggle stuff.  
  
As they walked down a corridor Snape glanced outside and his jaw dropped open. Outside, waiting, were what must be the muggle planes, and they were nothing like he'd expected. In fact they were long, thin things, with big wings jutting out of the side, and nothing like cars.  
  
"I guess you've never flown before." The bodyguard said with a slight smile.  
  
Snape almost told him he had flown before, only it was on a broom, not in some silly muggle thing. Instead he shook his head. "No." He admitted.  
  
"It's not that bad really. Safer being in the air then on the ground." The bodyguard said. "And once you get used to it, it's actually quite a nice feeling."  
  
They walked into a small lounge type thing where they handed their boarding passes to a lady. "Thank you, have a nice flight." She said almost automatically.  
  
The bodyguard led Snape through a small ramp and then onto the plane itself. There was another lady standing there and she looked at their tickets and smiled. "You're up the front, first class." She said, and gestured towards the front of the plane.  
  
Snape was too busy looking around the plane in shock to realise that the bodyguard was moving. To his great shock the plane was a lot larger than he had been expecting. And then he hurried after the bodyguard. The front section was a lot different to the other section. Instead of there being an entire row of seats there were only three on each side of the plane. Snape spotted Adam immediately and sighed inwardly. "Here we go," He thought. But to his surprise both Adam and Emma were completely polite and friendly, and he settled into his seat near them. Emma was in the process of telling him how her life had changed since the movie had come out when a lady came over to them.  
  
"We're going to be leaving in a moment. Whilst we taxi we're going to have the safety demonstration." She explained.  
  
A man's voice, seemingly coming from nowhere, spoke. "Good day ladies and gentleman, my name is Captain Harris, and I'm going to be the one responsible for you arriving safely in America. Could you please buckle your seatbelts, make sure your tray tables are up, and your seats are in their full, and locked positions? We are going to be taxiing shortly and we should receive permission for take off soon. Have a nice flight."  
  
Snape followed the lead of the bodyguard who was seated next to him and did his belt up. Then he turned his attention to the window he was seated next to. The big plane began to move along the ground and Snape smiled slightly. This wasn't very scary at all. It moved further along and then stopped, and Snape's smile faded. He was about to ask the bodyguard if there was something wrong when there was a loud noise from the plane, and the ladies who had been doing the safety demonstration sat down and buckled themselves in too. The plane started forward and this time the speed was a lot faster than it had been before and Snape gulped. The ground sped past him and then all of a sudden the front of the plane was pointing upwards and they were leaving the ground. Snape gripped the arms of the chair tightly as the ground disappeared below and they went up. He was pressed back into his seat by the gravity of the plane and he wasn't sure he liked this feeling at all. If this was a sign of things to come this plane thing wasn't going to be much fun, and of course, nor was the trip to America.....  
  
[A/N. In the next part the rest of the flight, and Snape's arrival in America.] 


	36. Planes, trains and automobilesSnape styl...

[A/N. Sorry about taking so long to update again. I think somewhere I've mentioned that this takes place during Harry and the gang's sixth year, with them having already done their OWLS and Fred and George no longer being there? **Important note: This chapter contains slight spoilers for OOTP, but not big ones such as who dies, simply Snape's opinion on someone who was in the fifth book.** Anyway, I hope you enjoy, although I have been wondering whether maybe this story is getting too long and perhaps a bit boring?!?!]

Chapter thirty-six: Planes, trains and automobiles, Snape style, part two.

Eventually the plane straightened itself and Snape let out a breath of relief. Beside him the bodyguard gave him a grin. "Didn't like that?" He asked.

Snape shrugged, trying to act as though it hadn't bothered him, but the bodyguard was not fooled. "Don't worry, it gets easier the more times you fly."

Snape debated telling him that after he got back home he was never going to go on any muggle transport again, let alone speak to another muggle!

Emma moved out of her seat and came over to speak to Snape. "I hope we get a good in flight movie, don't you?" She asked.

Snape shrugged. He didn't really care about any movie.

"Don't you wish wizards and witches were real? I bet flying overseas would be much more fun on a broomstick!" She continued.

Snape raised an eyebrow. He would have liked to tell her that firstly wizards would not fly that far on a broom, as it would be too cold, and too long, and that secondly they would instead apparate to another country. But he kept his mouth shut.

Emma sighed. "Still not talking? God, you're a weird one." She said and she stormed back to her seat and muttered something to Adam who turned around to look at Snape briefly, before turning back to Emma and laughing. Snape's hands curled involuntarily. After this if he never saw Adam again it would be too soon.

The bodyguard opened a book and set to reading it, leaving Snape to his own thoughts, and there were plenty of them there. He wished he had a pensieve but somehow he didn't think it would go down too well on this plane packed with muggles! Snape leant against the window looking at the clouds below. Unlike many first time plane travelers they didn't really interest him, he'd flown up in clouds before on his broom. He thought about what would be happening at Hogwarts now; his class would probably be getting easy work off whoever was taking over despite his leaving detailed lesson plans. They'd probably think their Christmas had come early. Thinking about Christmas made him frown. How many muggle and non-muggle students were going to race off to the nearest movie place to see his movie? And when the holidays were over he was sure it was going to be terrible. And he also wondered how the Slytherin-Gryffindor match was going to go. Would Malfoy take his advice and take Potter out of the game? It was much easier the year before when Potter had received a lifetime ban from Umbridge. Thinking about that woman made his lip curl- she'd been a real pain in the butt, disrupting classes, OWLS and NEWTS all over the place, even having the audacity to bring his own teaching into question! Luckily she'd been put in her place at the end of the year when the morons at the ministry had finally admitted that Voldemort was back. 

"Would you like a drink, Mr. Snape sir?" 

Snape glanced up and one of the hostesses was leaning over the bodyguard to ask him whether he wanted a drink. He was a bit thirsty, but he didn't really know much about muggle drinks. He thought back to the premiere. "Can I have a beer please?" He asked.

"Of course, and just let me tell you that I think you're a wonderful actor. I absolutely loved 'William the wizard.' Especially the ending….wow!" She said, and Snape nodded silently. As she went off to get his drink he wondered whether his life was going to be reduced to this now- accepting compliments from muggles? 

The hostess quickly returned to hand him his beer and she smiled brightly at him. "If you need _anything_ Mr. Snape, anything at all, let me know." She said.

After she'd left the bodyguard emerged from his novel. "I reckon you could join the mile high club with her mate." He joked, and Snape looked at him.

"I'm already a member of the club." Snape said. "I think I'm almost up to gold member status because of my mileage, about 800 from memory."

The bodyguard's jaw dropped. "I thought you hadn't flown before." He said looking at Snape like he was growing a second head.

"Oh, I have, just not overseas." Snape replied.

"So 800 on domestic flights then? Blimey." The bodyguard said. "Mate you're a bloody legend."

Snape shrugged, wondering what on earth was so wonderful about recorded flights on brooms, although once he became a gold member he could get a lot of discounts and other things….

*****

"Mr. Snape, we're about to serve a meal. I'm sorry to disturb you. And after that we'll be landing. You've been asleep for quite a while. But then I suppose the life of a star is pretty tiring isn't it?" The hostess was saying awhile later.

Snape sat up in his chair blinking. He was surprised he'd felt comfortable enough to fall asleep, but it wasn't like muggles were going to come near him, he had the bodyguard. "What exactly is the meal?" Snape asked slowly.

"Pasta." The hostess said.

Snape shrugged. "Alright then, I guess I'm a bit hungry."

The hostess handed him a foil covered meal and then hurried off to serve the others. The bodyguard had already opened his and was poking at it with his fork thoughtfully. When he caught Snape looking at him he grinned sheepishly. "I'm used to only flying economy where the meals aren't always edible." He explained.

Snape opened his own meal and looked at it. "This seems okay." He commented.

"It does." The bodyguard agreed. "Who would have thought hey?"

Snape nodded and then began to eat his own meal. After he'd finished the meal was taken from him and shortly after that the plane began it's descent. 

"It's a pity you know," The bodyguard commented to Snape. "You've just flown first class and rather than enjoying it you've slept."

"Didn't sleep last night." Snape replied shortly. Thinking about the night before reminded him of _why_ he hadn't slept, and he felt a shiver go down his spine. Someone, he had his suspicions but it could be almost anyone, had left a muggle newspaper clipping on his bed the night before and it was about a muggle plane crash a few years back in where everyone was killed. On the top of the article was scribbled "Have a good trip Snape." Have a good trip indeed!

"Ah…." The bodyguard nodded in knowing way which annoyed Snape- how did he know what the hell Snape was talking about? And who was he to act all superior anyway? If only Snape could curse him. If only.

The trip down on the plane wasn't as bad as going up, and Snape looked out of the window at the city below. It was big- perhaps even bigger than London he thought shocked- and he wondered what his chances were of losing the muggles in a place that big. 

"I hope I get the chance to do some sightseeing. And most importantly some shopping. I hate shopping but I promised my girlfriend I'd bring her something back, so I better or my life is not going to be worth living." The bodyguard said, looking out over Snape's shoulder. 

A few minutes later they'd touched down with a bump which had jolted Snape, and they were taxiing slowly towards the gate. At the gate Snape, Emma, Adam and the bodyguard were let off first, but the other passengers soon followed and Snape heard a young boy's cry. "Mum! Mum, look who's up there. It's them, I know it is." 

"Who's them Alfred?" Asked the mother's voice, sounding bored and tired.

"Them- see up there?" Alfred asked.

"Don't point at people, it's rude dear." The mother responded.

"That's Severus Snape- he played William in 'William the Wizard' and that's Emma something or other, she played his wife." Alfred explained.

"So it is." The mother's voice sounded less bored and tired now. "And isn't he just as handsome in real life?"

Snape felt his face grow red, and was glad his back was turned towards them as he and the others strode through the terminal.

The bodyguard must have heard these comments because he leant down towards Snape to whisper "I bet Emma wouldn't like that- Emma something or other. She'd be pretty damn offended."

Snape snorted. She would too he thought with amusement. Maybe he should tell her?

They passed through customs, were Snape was subjected to more muggle conversations about his movie which he grunted his way through, and swept outside.

"I don't see a limousine." Emma complained. "You'd think we'd get one."

Snape ignored her and looked out at the big city. It actually did look bigger than London, but whether it was or not he didn't know.

"We're not famous enough over here to get a limo ride." Adam was explaining to Emma. "But I believe we are getting one to get to the television station, and of course the premiere."

Snape's attention was drawn to a man nearby. He was trying to tug the bag off an aging woman, who was resisting and shouting for someone to help her, but to Snape's enormous surprise nobody was doing anything. A few people walked nearby and glanced over in interest, but they didn't stop to help. To Snape this was a disgrace, he might not like many people, but as a kid he'd always been taught to respect his elders and to help them out. So Snape stepped over there. 

"Let that bag go." Snape told the man.

"What?" The man looked at Snape as though he were a freak. "Get lost dude."

'Dude.' That was what the muggle boys had called him back in London a few months ago, or what seemed to Snape, a lifetime ago. "Dude." Snape repeated, the word making his mouth screw up in distaste.

"Man, why are you still standing here? I said to get lost." The man snapped at Snape.

"I decided not to take your advice. You have until the count of three to let that woman, and her bag, go." Snape said softly. He was aware of Adam, the bodyguard and Emma's eyes on his back, and he knew he had to be careful, although he was allowed to use magic in public, and in front of muggles, he had to be very careful. His wand was tucked into his pocket and he put his hand in there touching it, as he counted slowly, one, two, three. The man was not paying any attention to him so Snape muttered out of the corner of his mouth: "Expelliarmus." The man who was attempting to rob the woman was suddenly torn free of the bag, and he flew backwards into the wall behind him. He looked up at Snape in genuine fear before getting unsteadily to his feet and hurrying off, throwing a worried glance over his shoulder.

"Oh, aren't you a lovely man?" The woman said. "Thank you very much."

"No problem." Snape said. And he turned and went back to the others. Whilst they had been watching the proceedings with interest, nobody else at the airport seemed to even notice.

"You moron." Adam said when Snape got back to their side. "If someone's getting mugged you don't interfere or you could get yourself into trouble."

"But she was getting old and she-" Snape began, but Adam interrupted.

"That makes no difference whatsoever. God you can be so stupid sometimes." Adam said and he turned his back signaling the conversation, or whatever it had been, was over. 

"What did you actually do to him?" The bodyguard asked as Adam organised a cab for them.

"Do?" Snape repeated confused.

"To that mugger, he flew backwards, you must be damn strong." The bodyguard said.

Snape muttered something under his breath along the lines of yes, very.

*****

A few minutes later they were in the taxi on their way to the hotel. Snape was sitting in the front, with Adam, Emma and the bodyguard in the back. Another taxi cut them off much to the chagrin of their driver who started beeping the horn and yelling. Snape glowered at him. He was tired and he was confused and he didn't want this to go on the entire trip. "Excuse me?" Snape asked the driver.

The driver looked at him. "Yes?"

"Do you think you could be a little quieter? We've had a long flight and the last thing we need is someone carrying on like a pork chop." Snape asked.

The driver was incensed. "Didn't you notice that asshole cut me off?" He demanded.

"It happens." Snape said with a shrug. "Why bother getting all worked up about it? I heard once, somewhere, that the more you stress and get angrier, the less longer you're going to live."

"You know what?" The driver slammed on his brakes and pulled over to the side of the road. "I've been doing this job for years, I don't need some smart mouthed, stupid pom coming and telling me what to do. You can make your own way to the hotel."

From the back Adam protested, but to no avail. "There's a subway down there. Hope you don't get lost." The driver said, and he drove off leaving the four of them by the side of the road with their luggage. 

Emma glared at Snape. "Good one Snape." She snapped. "I'm going to have some real trouble carrying this luggage. Not everyone travels as light as you."

"I'll help you." The bodyguard offered. "I can take one of your bags with mine."

Adam hadn't spoken, and he didn't until they went down to the subway and were seated on a train which, Snape thought, smelled rather strange. "It didn't take you long." Adam said to Snape as they rattled along in the darkness.

Snape had been observing the few muggles on the train- luckily there weren't a whole lot- and he shrugged at Adam's comment. He didn't care what that moronic muggle thought of him. And besides, Snape had read about the muggles underground trains, and despite himself he was slightly interested in the whole process. He wondered whether they were ever going to build cities down here and then he'd never have to pass them up above….

"Not only did we not get a limo, but now we're sitting on a subway. I'm famous for god's sake." Emma moaned, and she looked down at the dirty seat with distaste.

"Obviously not _too_ famous." Snape commented before he could help himself.

Emma frowned at him. "Nor are you." She snapped back.

Snape shrugged. "That's fine with me. I don't _want_ to be famous."

Emma frowned deeper, but she turned away from him, and for the rest of the trip in the subway nobody spoke.

[A/N] Sorry about the delay, but as I mentioned I had a winter intensive (luckily I've got awhile to write the 4000 word essay for it) so I've been pretty busy with that. Now I've got three weeks holidays though, so hopefully I should update this, as well as my other stories, more often. In the next chapter (just in case it takes me a bit longer to write it) Snape is going to see New York tourist style…….


	37. New York, New York, what a wonderful tow...

[A/N. I am surprised, and flattered, that some people are still reading this story, so thank you! Also I am sorry this chapter has been so long coming, but I'm on uni holidays so I'm not spending much of my time sitting at my computer.]  
  
Chapter thirty-seven: New York, New York, what a wonderful town.  
  
"At least the hotel is decent." Emma said as they stood in the foyer of the hotel that had been reserved for them. She was still annoyed about having been forced to go on a subway. Snape had to admit, for a muggle place, it was pretty nice. Still he wished he'd been allowed to stay somewhere on his own. One of the teachers at Hogwarts would surely have been able to recommend somewhere to stay that was not run by muggles.  
  
Adam finished checking them in and then came back over with room keys. "Someone is going to take our luggage up for us." He said. "I've got a bit of work to do so I think I might go to my room and do that. I'll see you at dinner."  
  
"So what do you say we go and see the town?" The bodyguard asked Snape and Emma. "Do the tourist thing since tomorrow you two are going to be busy with interviews all day, and then the television show at night, and then the premiere the next night.."  
  
Snape sighed and shrugged. He wasn't happy about all the interacting with muggles he was going to be forced to do on this trip. He hadn't been told about the radio and newspaper interviews- presumably Adam hadn't told him in case he kicked up a fuss.  
  
"Okay, let me just get my camera out of a bag.." The bodyguard said and he fumbled through his bag until he came up with a small box shaped object with a string which he put around his neck. Emma had her handbag and Snape had a wallet with some muggle money in it (he'd organised it with Gringotts before leaving for the trip). The trio traipsed out of the hotel.  
  
"So, what do you want to see specifically?" The bodyguard asked as they stood on the corner of the road with a map.  
  
"I was hoping to see the Statue of Liberty." Emma said. "A friend of mine who has been here before said it's really rather amazing."  
  
"How about you?" The bodyguard addressed himself to Snape who shrugged nonchalantly. He didn't really care.  
  
"Well I wouldn't mind seeing the view from the Empire State." The bodyguard continued as they started walking down the street.  
  
A few teenage kids walked past smoking and Snape shot them a dirty look. They couldn't be more than fourteen and they were smoking. What was the world coming to? If he caught anyone smoking at Hogwarts he had a special potion sitting ready for them which when they drank it, would make them smoke at the mouth for ten hours. It was a pity he didn't have it with him or he'd force these kids to drink it.  
  
"What are you looking at you silly old fart?" One of the boys asked, and his mates laughed.  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow. "Old fart?" He repeated.  
  
"Yeah, that means a silly old man you silly pom." One of the boys who hadn't called him the name in the first place asked.  
  
"A pom?" Snape demanded.  
  
"English." The boy explained.  
  
Snape's wand felt very heavy in his pocket and his fingers literally itched to take it out and curse these stupid muggle kids. Not only for being smart mouthed, but also for smoking. Instead he ignored them, and hurried after the bodyguard and Emma who were walking down the street oblivious to Snape's slower pace. He'd seen how big New York was from the plane, but even so he didn't realise the extent of it until they were down there on the ground.  
  
"So, Severus, are you going to make an idiot of us on any interviews tomorrow?" Emma asked.  
  
Snape glared at her. "I might." He said casually. He didn't care about the interview, nor the movie. He didn't even want to be here for Merlin's sake.  
  
Her eyes widened. "I was just kidding, you can't make an idiot of us. This trip is very important for the movie you know.."  
  
Snape smiled slightly, enjoying the pleading tone in her voice. "I just don't know..I suppose it depends on what I think of the interviewer doesn't it?"  
  
Emma swore loudly, causing other people in the street to glance over at them. She lowered her voice. "Wait until I tell Adam this." She snapped.  
  
Snape wasn't concerned.  
  
The bodyguard laughed. "Emma he's just pulling your leg." He told her.  
  
She looked relieved, but still shot Snape a dirty look and Snape decided that this trip might provide some amusement after all in the form of teasing Emma. As they walked down the streets Snape drifted behind them a bit- he didn't want anyone to think that he was friends with Emma!  
  
The bodyguard and Emma took what they called a "short cut" through an alley and Snape followed them. He wondered whether they'd notice if he just apparated back to England. But then he thought about the threats of a muggle prison and decided he had no choice but to be here. Of course that didn't mean he had to enjoy it, did it?  
  
"Hey there sailor, looking for a good time?" Someone asked and Snape jumped realizing that he was the intended recipient of the question. He stopped and turned around.  
  
A woman was leaning against a building, one hand on her hip, the other holding a cigarette. To Snape's shock she was dressed in a tiny little skirt which left nothing to the imagination, and a see through top. Her hair was bleached blonde, but he could see bits of black still in it and her makeup was caked on. He took a step back revolted. "I'm not a sailor." He said, hoping that would make her leave him alone.  
  
"That's okay, it's just a saying. What are you then?" The woman asked taking a long drag on her cigarette. Snape wondered briefly whether everyone in this town smoked those vile muggle cigarettes.  
  
"I'm a teacher." Snape said. "A science teacher."  
  
"Really? I've never much liked kids, I couldn't stand working with them." The woman said making a face.  
  
"I don't much like them either." Snape admitted. "Especially this one kid, Harry Potter his name is, his father was pretty mean to me at school thinking he was better than everyone, and this Potter kid is exactly the same as his father."  
  
The woman nodded knowingly. "Do you give him detention?"  
  
"Of course." Snape said.  
  
The woman flicked her cigarette away. "So what do you say science teacher, can I show you a good time?"  
  
Snape's eyes narrowed slightly. Was this woman like a tourist guide? She was a muggle yes, but she was probably someone better to spend time with than Emma. And she did know the town. "How much is it going to cost me?" He asked slowly. He'd learnt pretty quickly that in the muggle world, everything revolved around money.  
  
"That depends. For you- I'd say twenty bucks an hour." She said.  
  
Snape nodded. "Okay, fine, let's just go catch up with my..with the others, and let them know." He said as he handed her a twenty-dollar note.  
  
The two of them hurried after the bodyguard and Emma who were waiting out on the street. Strange looks crossed their faces when Snape and his companion hurried up.  
  
"This is my new tour guide." Snape explained, gesturing to the woman.  
  
"Tour guide?" Both Emma and the woman echoed in surprise. The bodyguard wasn't speaking, but he was smiling slightly.  
  
"This woman is not a tour guide Severus." Emma said trying not to laugh.  
  
"She's not?" Snape asked, and he looked at her. "Well what are you then?"  
  
"A hooker." The woman said. "I asked you if you wanted a good time, didn't that alert you to what I am?"  
  
Snape's jaw dropped. He'd just paid a prostitute!  
  
"Still," Emma was barely able to contain her laughter now. "You might not mind that, the paying for sex thing?"  
  
Snape was too annoyed to respond.  
  
"Can he have his money back?" The bodyguard asked.  
  
The woman looked shocked. "Nope, he can't. He's given it to me, and if he doesn't want my services anymore then that's fine, but he's not getting his money back." And before anyone could say anything she took off back down the street.  
  
"Nevermind." The bodyguard tried to console Snape. "It probably happens to people all the time."  
  
Snape didn't reply. He was still too annoyed and shocked at what had just happened. He sneaked a look at Emma out of the corner of his eye- she looked as though all her Christmases had come at once. He wasn't going to put up with that all day.  
  
"I'm actually rather tired. I'm going to go back to the hotel and have a sleep. I've got that thing people get when they travel from one country to another on a plane." Snape muttered, avoiding both their eyes.  
  
"Jet lag." The bodyguard supplied. "I've got it a bit too, but then I'm not going to be so busy tomorrow like you two. I can just sleep then."  
  
"Can we get going? Now we've finished buying prostitutes I want to see the statue." Emma said.  
  
Snape felt sick. He wanted so badly to curse this woman, but he determined right then and there that somehow, sometime, on this trip he was going to get his revenge and teach her one heck of a lesson. "See you later." He muttered and he hurried back to his hotel. 


	38. Snape on radio

[A/N. I know I haven't updated this story as much as I used to, which is why I've made this a fairly long chapter, and it's not because I don't like writing it anymore, but more because I don't have a lot of spare time on my hands. Although, I have to admit I wonder whether it's beginning to get a bit boring, and people might not like reading it as much as they used to? Anyway, I'm back at Uni next week so again it might be a bit longer before I update, but I'm determined to update my stories on here as much as I get the chance. Enjoy!]  
  
Chapter thirty-eight: Snape on radio.  
  
The next morning Snape went down to breakfast avoiding Emma, Adam and the bodyguard's eyes. He couldn't believe he hadn't realised that the woman was a prostitute- he knew they existed, but not in Hogsmeade, and certainly not at Hogwarts, so he had never really come into any contact with them. It was clear, by the way that Adam was looking at him, that Emma had told him about it the moment she got the chance.  
  
"So, today we've got a radio interview to do, and then we're on the Jay Leno show tonight." Adam said as their breakfast was placed in front of them. "Emma is also going to be doing a magazine interview between the two, but as it's for a woman's magazine you're excused from it Severus."  
  
Snape nodded, inwardly thankful that he'd gotten out of at least one of the muggle interviews.  
  
"Please tell me you're not going to talk about prostitutes on the interviews." Emma said snidely, and Snape glared at her. Did she really need to bring that up again?  
  
Adam snorted through his food. "I heard about that..do you live in a box or something Severus? I would have thought someone like that would have been obvious- even to someone like you." He asked.  
  
Snape glared at him, knowing that if there was anywhere he could curse him it was certainly not here, in front of all these hotel guests. But he was beginning to think that once this was all over, once he was back in England he was going to do something to teach both Adam, and Emma, a lesson.a very big lesson. The moment he got back to Hogwarts he was locking himself in his office and not coming out. That made him think, not for the first, and probably not for the last, time about the school children going to see "William the Wizard" over their Christmas holidays, and he shuddered slightly. But then, things wouldn't be as bad as this, would they? They couldn't get worse than this, surely?  
  
"In Severus' favor, she didn't look completely like a pro." The bodyguard put in, and Snape shot him a surprised, but grateful, look.  
  
"Well as long as nobody else finds out about it, the last thing I need is people thinking that the star of our movie needs to use the services of a prostitute." Adam said, finishing his breakfast and pushing the plate away. "Mr. Hampton has trusted me inexplicably with accompanying you two over here, and looking after interviews and things back home as well..if something happens then I can kiss my chances of ever getting anywhere in this business goodbye."  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow; that was certainly interesting news in light of his new plan to make sure that these two annoying muggles paid for their actions.  
  
"I can't eat any more." Emma said. "For some reason I'm so bloody nervous about these interviews."  
  
"Just be yourself and people will love you. And remember what we talked about..." Adam assured Emma, and Snape resisted the urge to gag. At first he'd thought Emma seemed a nice enough woman, if somewhat determined, but as he'd got to know her more he thought she was a royal pain in the butt.  
  
"What about Severus? I'd assume that would be the opposite?" Emma asked, cheekily.  
  
Adam shrugged and for once didn't comment. Instead he glanced at his watch. "We should be getting on our way."  
  
Snape, Emma, Adam and the bodyguard gathered up their things, and then went out the front of the hotel where a taxi was waiting for them. Adam quickly got in the front seat, shooting Snape a 'please keep your mouth shut this time' look as he, Emma, and the bodyguard got into the backseat. Like the first taxi they'd been in the driver was a maniac, and Snape ended up closing his eyes so he couldn't see what was happening. Eventually the wild ride ended, and the four of them got out of the taxi in front of a tall, plain building. When they walked into the building there was a woman at the front desk and Adam went over to talk to her whilst Emma and the bodyguard studied photos on the wall.  
  
"Look there's Mel Gibson- he must have been promoting one of his movies.isn't he gorgeous?" Emma asked, pointing to one of the photos.  
  
The bodyguard's attention was on another photo. "Here's Gwenyth Paltrow- now she's gorgeous."  
  
Emma wrinkled her nose slightly. "I think she's got a funny shaped face." She said.  
  
The bodyguard laughed. "That's probably because you're just jealous- right Severus?"  
  
"Huh? Oh.yeah.right." Snape agreed. He didn't recognise any of the photos, but from the reactions of both Emma and the bodyguard they must have been famous muggles.  
  
Adam came back over to them. "Ready? We've got to go up to the third floor and there will be someone there to meet us." He said. "Apparently Adam Sandler's being interviewed up there at the moment which is interesting because Mr. Hampton wants him for his new movie."  
  
The four of them got into the lift, and Adam pressed the button for the third floor. As they went up Emma asked, "Do you think Mr. Hampton's planning on making a sequel to 'William' anytime?"  
  
Adam nodded slowly. "There's a script for it floating around somewhere, but it depends on how much this one makes at the box office first. With all the press in England we're thinking when it opens there in a few days it should do well, so if it does the same here, then we'll certainly consider making a sequel." He replied, as the doors opened and they left the lift.  
  
Snape made a face. They better not think that he'd be in a sequel to that stupid movie!  
  
"Adam?" A woman asked and Adam nodded.  
  
"They're running a little behind, but it shouldn't be too long. Perhaps if you come into the studio to get ready, but keep quiet of course." The woman said, and she led them into the studio where the radio program was made. Snape gazed around curiously; there were so many instruments and panels and things. Two men were sitting on one side of a desk, near the control panels, and another man was sitting on the other side, looking relaxed and comfortable as he laughed at the question he'd just been asked.  
  
"I wonder why everyone asks me that." The man said. "I hadn't really thought about it, but who knows? It's a possibility."  
  
Emma was gazing at the man with rapture. "Genius." She mouthed to the others.  
  
"Well we better leave it there for now. Thanks for joining us, Mr. Adam Sandler." One of the men said, and the man who'd been laughing nodded.  
  
"Thanks, it was a pleasure." He said.  
  
One of the men pressed a button and then turned to Snape and Emma. "Sorry, we were running a little behind schedule, but just jump on over here and we should be right."  
  
Snape did as he was asked, reluctantly, but Emma hesitated. "I just want to say I love your movies, I loved 'The wedding singer' most, and I was pretty impressed with 'Mr. Deeds.'" She said to the man.  
  
"Thanks," He said with a grin. "So you're the witch?"  
  
"Try bitch." Snape muttered, but luckily he was unheard.  
  
"Sure am.have you heard of our movie then?" Emma asked.  
  
"I'm going to the premiere tomorrow night with my fiancée. We're looking forward to seeing it. You know I've always wanted to play a wizard.I think I'd make a good one." The man said.  
  
"Really?" Adam looked interested now. "Well you never know, Mr. Hampton may have a role for you in the future."  
  
"Great." The man said. "I better get going, I've got things to do and you two have to put up with the Spanish Inquisition here."  
  
"Right." Emma said, and she hurried over to where she was meant to be sitting. "I'll see you tomorrow at the premiere then."  
  
"Sure thing, bye guys." The man said, and he left the studio.  
  
Snape and Emma were sitting near the two men who were to do the interview, and Adam and the bodyguard took seats near the door.  
  
"Ever been on radio?" One of the men asked them, and they both shook their heads.  
  
"The good thing is unlike television you can come in wearing your oldest clothes, and no make up, and there aren't cameras and people in your face like on television." The man explained. "The bad thing being it's live, whereas even a lot of the so-called live shows aren't and you can do things again if you muck them up."  
  
"Another good thing is radio interviews don't go for as long as television ones." The other man said, and he leant forward in his chair to check something on the panel. "Right, are you ready? We're about to roll."  
  
He pressed a button and then said, "Welcome back to KWYZ with Frankie and Marty. Our next guests are virtual unknowns here in the states, but after the release of their movie I get the feeling they're going to be bigger than Ben Hur! I'm speaking of none other than William the Wizard's Emma and Severus. Hi guys, and welcome to New York."  
  
"Thanks." Emma said brightly, and Snape echoed her thanks, although not quite as cheerfully.  
  
"So, have either of you been here before?" The first man asked, the one who had spoken to them when they'd came into the studio.  
  
"No, neither of us has, so we're pretty excited. We did the tourist thing yesterday which was pretty cool." Emma said, answering for the both of them.  
  
"So tell us about the movie?" The second man asked.  
  
"Well it's basically about William- Severus- and his wife Wendy- me- and their adventures when an evil wizard returns and is out to get revenge on William for something a long time back." Emma explained.  
  
"So are there lots of spells and things? People turning into frogs and becoming invisible?" The first man asked.  
  
Emma laughed. "Well there are spells in it, but nothing as cliched as frogs. We wanted to make it a more interesting movie, different to your usual wizard movie, and hopefully we succeeded." She explained.  
  
"So we don't see William flying across the sky on a broom then?" The second man addressed Snape, who had remained happily silent up until then.  
  
"I think it was a mop actually, and it was only a brief flight." Snape replied, and the two men laughed. Emma shot Snape a surprised, but happy, look.  
  
"I read that you, Severus, have never been in a movie before, and have no ambitions to be an actor. So was this something you just did for fun, or was it more to prove something to yourself?" The first man asked.  
  
"Well.it just sort of happened.." Snape said. "I was in London and I ran into the auditions and they offered me the job. I decided to do it because I thought it would be an experience.."  
  
"Was it?" The first man asked.  
  
"It certainly was." Snape said dryly, but neither of the interviewers picked up on the connotation.  
  
"But you Emma, you're hoping to make a career out of acting?" The second man asked.  
  
"I'm hoping, yes. It's really all I've ever wanted to do, so when I got this part..it was a dream come true." Emma explained. "And to be in a Hampton movie too!"  
  
"Yes, Hampton movies certainly are big productions and have good reputations, don't they?" The second man agreed. "Do you think maybe I could be in the sequel- assuming they're making one?"  
  
"Well we don't know if they are making one yet, but the way I see it is, if you're good enough, audition, and maybe you'll get a part." Emma replied.  
  
"I heard on the grapevine that if a sequel is made they are going to try and get some more well known actors for parts in it, instead of a cast of virtual unknowns like this one. Does that concern you?" The first man asked.  
  
"Not really, no. I mean, they're going to want William and Wendy in it, so our parts are safe, and the experience of working with some high caliber actors or actresses would be amazing." Emma replied, with a smile.  
  
"And before we run out of time, tell us, what are your plans for the future?" The second man asked.  
  
"Well I'm enjoying all this publicity for 'William' at the moment, but at the start of next year I'm filming a movie with John Cleese and Dawn French, which is a comedy, of course, and it's set during the second world war." Emma said. "And after that, who knows?"  
  
"And what about you Severus?" The second man asked, turning to Snape.  
  
"Um..well I'll be back at work again when we get back to England, and other than that I really don't have any plans." Snape said.  
  
"That's right, I read in your bio you were a science teacher, is that right?" The first man asked.  
  
"That's right." Snape said.  
  
"Okay, well thanks for taking some time out of your busy schedule to speak with us, and we hope you have fun on Leno tonight, and at the movie premiere tomorrow night." The first man said, and the second man echoed his thanks.  
  
"Our pleasure, we had fun." Emma said, and Snape muttered a "Yeah, thanks."  
  
The first man pressed a button, and the interview was over and done with. Now, all Snape had to worry about was the television show that night. 


	39. Snape does Leno

[A/N. My apologies for how long this chapter has taken to be written, but I haven't had the time to sit down and write it until now. It's my own fault though- nobody forced me to go back and do postgraduate study at Uni. I hope, even despite the delay, people will still read- and enjoy- this chapter. I've also decided that even though I'm not yet sure how many chapters are left in this story- I wouldn't think it would be more than ten- I'm going to write a sequel called "Severus Snape Simulates" but I'm not going to give anything away on that _just_ yet…..]

Chapter thirty-nine: Snape does Leno.

"Five minutes." A man said, sticking his head into the room where Snape, Emma, Adam and the bodyguard were waiting. After the radio interview they had headed back to the hotel for awhile, had dinner, and then traveled to the studio where the Leno show was being held. Normally Leno didn't film in New York however this was a special occasion and he was so anxious to get the two stars of 'William the Wizard' on his show that he was happy to fly to New York and tape it there. Emma had gone on and on about what a privilege this was until Snape wanted to put a silencing spell on her. 

"I just hope Leno goes as well as the radio interview…." Adam said, taking another handful of the crisps from the bowl sitting near the couch where he was sprawled. Despite the radio interview having gone smoothly he'd been anxious all afternoon, fiddling with things, and now stuffing his face with the crisps.

Emma, who was studying herself in the mirror on the wall, nodded. "We should be right Adam, you _did_ speak to Jay didn't you?"

"Sure did, so hopefully he remembers the special circumstances." Adam replied. 

Snape idly wondered what they were talking about but in all honesty he didn't care. As far as he knew this interview was his last. He just had to get through the premiere tomorrow night, and then he was all done. He could go back to being a potions master and not dealing with any muggles other than those at Hogwarts who were muggle born. To his surprise both Potter and Weasley had scored "Exceeds Expectations" on their Potions OWLs, and normally he refused to take anyone with less than an "Outstanding" into his NEWT potions class, but things at Hogwarts weren't the same as before. With the ministry now acknowledging Voldemort's return after the events last June, it had been decided that everyone who scored an "E" or above would be taken into the NEWTs class for that particular subject. Dumbledore, and the ministry, who were now united in their goal of fighting Voldemort, wanted everyone to get the best education they possibly could. Granger, naturally, had scored "Outstanding" in every OWL she attempted, including potions. 

"Does my hair look all right?" Emma asked, still surveying herself in the mirror. "I've always liked it up like this, but now I'm thinking it makes my face look fat."

"It looks fine." Adam assured her, and Snape rolled his eyes. That was about the tenth time she'd asked whether she looked all right and he was getting sick of it. He was tempted to tell her that she'd look better with a bag over her head, but he knew it wasn't probably the best time to do so. Between her and Adam stressing about the television show he was wondering whether this Leno person was somebody important to American muggles.

"Okay, Emma, Severus, could you please come with me?" The man who had, only moments earlier it felt like, stuck his head into the room was back, and he was beckoning for the two of them to come with him.

"Good luck, and don't stuff it up Severus." Adam said, through a mouthful of crisps.

Snape shot him a cold look, and followed Emma from the room. They walked through a small corridor, with Emma fixing her dress repeatedly as they did so. "Just wait here." The man said holding a hand out to prevent them from going any further. "And wait until Jay introduces you in a moment."

"….and so we come to our two important guests for the night, the reasons why we decided to film here instead of back in L.A. In fact you could say these two guests are the reason I got mugged this afternoon in the middle of a crowded street while New Yorkers stood around doing nothing….let me welcome the stars of 'William the Wizard' Emma and Severus…" Jay Leno said.

The man poked Snape in the back, and he and Emma walked onto the set, which to Snape's inexperienced eye was similar to the "GML" set. The crowd applauded and Emma shot them a big smile, while Snape eyed the man who was standing up to greet them- Leno. Emma sat down, and Snape followed suit, and settled into the chair trying to appear as though he were completely at ease- but it was a bit hard with the crowd applauding, and Leno looking at him thoughtfully.

"I'm delighted that you two could spare some time out of your busy schedules to speak to me since I'm pretty sure that this movie's going to be a big one. Tell me Emma, how would you describe this movie?" Leno asked.

"Well I think people are going to find this a really fun kind of movie, interesting and exciting at the same time, and I think basically it's just one of those blockbuster movies everyone talks about." Emma said. 

"So you're probably pretty happy to be a part of it all." Leno said, nodding his head.

"Definitely. I was lucky to get the part, and I'm never going to forget it." Emma said.

"And you Severus, you weren't planning on being in the movie?" Leno asked.

"No…it was sort of an accident." Snape replied, wondering how come all the muggles asked exactly the same questions, and how many times he was going to have to give exactly the same answers.

"A fortunate accident though?" Leno asked.

Snape shrugged. "I guess so." He said even though he didn't think it was at all fortunate. It was a nightmare, but if he said that Adam would probably come running onto the set to kill him.

Leno nodded again, and then turned back to Emma. "I've read so many rumors about who might be in the sequel- if there is a sequel- such as Orlando Bloom, Leonardo Di Caprio, Kenneth Brannagh, Kate Winslet, Sally Field and even the Olsen twins. What do you think about working with people like this? I mean the first movie was made up of virtual unknowns wasn't it?"

"It was." Emma replied. "But to be honest I think it would be great if we have some big names in the sequel, not just for their box office drawing power, but I think we could learn, or I could learn, so much from watching professionals like that working. In this business you really do learn every day."

"And the special effects in the movie, I read they were done by the same people who- good lord, is that…is that an owl?" Leno broke off, and stared at the window where sure enough an owl was sitting staring in at the proceedings.

Snape felt his heart skip a beat; there was only one reason that an owl would be there, in the middle of New York city, outside a room where he was in. It was there to deliver him mail. 

"I suppose he heard you were on and wanted to get a peek…" Leno said, clearly surprised by the sight of the owl, but determined to continue like a professional.

The audience all laughed appreciatively.

"As I was saying…..ah…the special effects on 'William the wizard' were done by the people who did the Matrix movies." Leno continued. 

"Apparently so. We didn't see anything to do with it when we were filming, so the premiere in London was our first glimpse and I was very impressed." Emma replied.

Snape was still watching the owl who was sitting there patiently.

"Severus, you've said on a few occasions that once this is over you're going to go back to teaching. Is that still true, or have you been bitten by the acting bug?" Leno asked. 

Snape managed to take his eyes of the owl to answer the question. "I didn't get bitten by anything no, although we did deal with a snake in a few scenes which was a bit unnerving, but no, no bites luckily." 

The crowd roared with laughter as did Leno and Snape looked around confused. What was so funny?

"You know it's a pity you're not thinking of continuing on- you'd do well in comedies. So Emma, tell me did…." He broke off again as the owl began to tap on the glass with its beak. He continued on. "Did you, as a kid, believe in wizards and witches?"

"I did." Emma said nodding. "I used to dress up as a witch on Halloween, with my big pointy hat and a wart on my nose. I always thought it would be so great to fly, and put spells on people, turn kids I didn't like into frogs."

Snape snorted, but luckily only Emma heard it. Warts indeed! Not every witch was ugly! The owl was still tapping on the glass and Leno was ignoring it, but Snape was incredibly tempted to get up and get whatever the owl was delivering, after all it wouldn't have been sent all this way if it wasn't something important, would it?

"Unfortunately we don't have time to have a longer chat because Emma and Severus have other commitments tonight, but nonetheless I want to thank them both for stopping in. 'William the Wizard' premieres here tomorrow night, and it opens in cinemas next weekend. So please, ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Emma and Severus." Jay said, and the crowd clapped obligingly. 

Snape walked off the set frowning confused. What other commitments? What the hell was Jay talking about? He asked Emma that and she smirked. "Adam had a word to Leno and explained that you weren't entirely comfortable with being interviewed, and he also asked Jay if he could not make too many jokes because it made you even more uncomfortable. It was also decided, so the public wouldn't feel short changed, we'd pretend to have other commitments so the interview wouldn't go too long." She explained.

Snape nodded slowly as they went back into the room where Adam and the bodyguard were waiting. So _that_ was what Emma and Adam had been talking about before, him. Strangely though, it didn't annoy him. If it had saved him from anything in the interview then he was actually grateful to them for it- but he wasn't about to tell them this!

As soon as they walked into the room, before Adam could even open his mouth, the owl was at the window knocking urgently. This time Snape walked over to the window and took the letter from the leg the owl was holding out to him. He thanked the owl, and closed the window behind it. Turning around he saw Emma, Adam and the bodyguard staring at him in shock.

"That's that bloody owl." Emma said. "The one which was at the window during the show…what's that you've got from it?"

"Nothing." Snape said pocketing the letter in the pocket of the uncomfortable clothes he'd been forced to wear while in New York.

"Nothing? It just gave you something!" Emma snapped. "What kind of freak has an owl bring them things?"

"I read somewhere," the bodyguard drawled lazily. "that owls are very smart. In fact they're smart enough to carry people things if you train them properly."

"Really?" Emma asked. "I never knew."

"Oh yeah." Snape said quickly, catching on to what the bodyguard was doing. "My friend has a bunch of them and it saves him a lot of money on mu- on post."

"Anyway, as fascinating as owls undoubtedly are, I want to say that I'm damn glad that interview went well." Adam said. "I was watching it with my heart in my mouth, but things went better than I had expected."

"And I'm damn glad that's the last interview." Snape said under his breath. Soon things were going to get back to normal, but for now the letter was burning a hole in his pocket and he couldn't wait to get back to the hotel and get away from them so he could read it. 


	40. Snape's revenge

[A/N. This chapter is a bit longer than it would usually be, but I was on a roll……]

Chapter forty: Snape's revenge.

The moment they walked into the hotel Snape turned towards the elevator only to be stopped by Adam's hand on his arm. "Aren't you going to come and have a drink with us to celebrate how well Leno went?" 

"No…I've got something I've got to see to right now." Snape replied slowly. And, he silently added, even if he didn't have something he had to do he wouldn't have gone for a drink with them anyway.

"Does it have anything to do with that owl? Are you sure owls are that smart because I heard-" Emma began, but Snape shot her a cold look.

"I realise it must be disconcerting to find a mere animal is smarter than you, but I can assure you owls are quite smart. Now if you'll excuse me." He interrupted smoothly, and leaving Emma glaring after him he hurried away. Alone in his room he tore open the letter and read it through hastily. Then he stopped and read it again, slower and this time out loud: 

"Severus, 

I must ask you to return at once. I have consulted with Professor Herringbone on the matter of muggle contracts and she has assured me that should you return before the premiere you would be breaking your contract and risking imprisonment in a muggle prison where I believe they have their own version of dementors called prison guards. And since your hasty return is imperative it means only one thing: you are going to have to use magic on the muggles. I have not consulted with the ministry however having written many of the laws myself I know that magic against large numbers of muggles is illegal unless in exceptional circumstances, which I believe this is. You will need to use a very strong memory charm to make sure all the muggles think you attended the premiere, but I am confident you can do it. Should you need any potions ingredients use the New York floo network to go to number three, Ninety-fifth street.

Good luck, and looking forward to your hasty return. 

Albus Dumbledore. 

P.S I don't suppose you could bring me back an "I love New York" T-shirt could you? I collect muggle T-shirts."

Snape took a deep breath and then threw the letter into the fireplace. Pulling out his wand he muttered something and flames burst from it incinerating the letter. There was only one reason Dumbledore would be requesting he return: Voldemort. It was only a few months since the ministry had admitted that Voldemort was back, and those few months had been very strange. Everyone was determined to carry on as if things were normal, but at the back of their minds was the fact that Voldemort and his followers could be working against them right that moment. 

Sighing Snape walked away from the fireplace and ran a hand through his hair. He would have to pack his things, perform a memory charm on Adam, Emma and the bodyguard and then the entire city of New York. Memory charms were easy enough to cast on groups of people, but then an entire city was a different matter. But first he searched through his things to find his pot of floo powder. He stepped up to the fire and threw the floo powder into it, and then into the flames he said firmly "Number three ninety fifth street."

A few minutes later he was stepping out of the grate and dusting himself off. The potions shop was not unlike his favourite one in Diagon Alley. 

"May I help you?" The wizard behind the counter was staring at Snape, and he noticed that he had a glass eye similar to the one Mad Eye Moody had.

"Ah yes, I just need a few little ingredients." Snape said walking over to the counter. 

"What for?" The wizard asked.

Snape stared at him. "I beg your pardon?"

"I need to know what for. Ministry of Magic USA rule number three thousand and three." The wizard said lazily. "But everyone knows that."

"Not everyone, we don't have anything like that in England." Snape said grumpily. "I want to cast a large scale memory potion-"

"Large scale?" The wizard pounced. "Not without Ministry approval my good man. Sorry."

Snape glared at him. "Listen you don't understand, I've got to get back to England, it's about the Dark Lord." He said. 

The wizard's eyes widened with fear. "England? Lord Bush has gone to England? I always thought he'd plan to take over England eventually." He shook his head. "I get the feeling he's planning on taking over everywhere eventually. Ah he's an evil one that Bush…and the muggles all think he's a typical muggle sitting in the White House being a typical muggle President-"

"What? Bush? No, I'm talking about Lord Voldemort. The _other_ Dark Lord." Snape said impatiently. "Listen man is there any way I can get the ingredients without having to go through all this silly red tape?"

"You could pay double the price." The wizard said, still looking pale from his fright over the Dark Lord. 

"Fine." Snape snapped. "Now I need….."

****

Back in his hotel room Snape hung his "Do not disturb" sign on his door and got to work on making the potion. It was a complex one, but for someone who spent their life working with potions it was no problem whatsoever to him and little while later it was ready. He bottled it and put it in his pocket. He looked at his luggage, and then rapped it with his wand. A moment later it was invisible, and he muttered "Locomoter suitcase" and then "Apperio Hogwarts." Hopefully the suitcase was now sitting in his study. 

As he rode the elevator down to where he hoped Adam, Emma and the bodyguard were still drinking a smile suddenly played on his lips and his eyes lit up. Now was his perfect chance to get revenge on both Adam and Emma. Dumbledore had suggested altering the memories of people in New York so that they would think he'd attended the premiere of "William the Wizard" after all, but he hadn't said exactly _what_ memories to give certain people. What was Adam's worst fear? Probably something to do with not doing his job properly. And Emma? Perhaps being ugly and not liked? Snape nodded slowly to himself as the elevator let him out in the foyer and he hurried towards the bar. 

"Snapey, you decided to join us after all…good Snapey." Emma slurred as she noticed him.

'Snapey?' Snape thought furiously. Who did she think she was to give him a pet name? But he managed to rearrange his face in what he hoped was a smiling one as he sat down. "Yes, I did." He said slowly. 

"I can't wait for tomorrow night." Emma said. "I've heard that Arnie is going to be there and let me tell you now Snapey, that man is hot. I've always wanted to be terminated by him if you know what I mean…." She giggled and so did Adam. The bodyguard appeared to be perfectly normal and he just smiled indulgently at her. 

"You know I think you two would make a good couple…" Snape said slowly. Emma had just provided him with the perfect revenge. 

"Pity about his wife." Adam said.

Snape glanced over at him. He was slumped over his drink looking very worse for wear. Snape wondered why muggles had this habit of making themselves sick with drink and then complaining about how their head ached, but yet doing it again and again and again. He shook his head slightly; now was not the time to worry about why muggles did what they did. Now was the time to get back to Hogwarts. "Did you call your boss and let him know how well the interview went?" Snape asked.

"No, he would have been watching it on satellite." Adam replied, and then he puffed his chest out importantly. "You know, if I do say so myself, I think he's going to be rather pleased with the way things have turned out and I might be in line for a promotion."

"That would be good, and very deserved." Snape assured him.

Despite his state Adam narrowed his eyes. "Since when are you so nice anyway?" He demanded.

Snape smiled coldly. "Since I'm about to alter your memories." He admitted.

"Alter our what? Are you on crack? Someone told me New York had a lot of crack, I bet you're on crack aren't you?" Adam demanded.

Snape raised an eyebrow. "I don't think so." And he pulled out his wand. Adam, Emma and the bodyguard all looked at him warily. 

"What's that?" Emma asked.

"A wand. Don't tell me you played a witch and didn't even recognise a wand?" Snape asked. He was enjoying this now, and should anyone have been observing him closely they would have been reminded of a cat playing with a mouse. 

"You're barmy you are." Adam said laughing. "You're just pulling our legs. Go get a beer and stop being silly."

Emma laughed too, and the bodyguard smiled slightly.

"Suit yourselves." Snape said with a shrug. He wished there were more time to have some fun here but the fact remained that he had to return to Hogwarts as soon as possible to confront the latest problems with Voldemort. He waved his wand and cried "OBLIVIATE!"

*****

As Snape entered a bathroom near the bar he smiled thinking of how Adam and Emma were going to remember the premiere. Emma was going to be convinced she and Arnie had left together and she was going to be besotted with him. Her memory was going to tell her to shower him with calls, flowers, chocolates, _everything_. Adam however was not going to have such a great memory of the premiere, he was going to remember being booed and have a memory of speaking to Mr. Hampton who told him he couldn't wait for him to get back to England because he was going to tear him apart shred by shred. So Emma would be flying home in ecstatic love planning what she was going to send to her lover, and Adam would be flying home worried sick his entire career was over. 

Unfortunately there was no time to gloat over his memory charms and Snape glided over to the taps. Making sure he was alone in the room he pointed his wand at the tap and said something which made the tap expand and then open at the top where he was able to pour his potion into it. He poured the entire bottle in and then made the tap go back to normal. Every muggle that came into contact with the water, including those who drank it, those who did dishes with it, and those who washed with it, would now have a different memory of the premiere tomorrow night. 

He heaved a sigh of relief because everything had gone well, as well as because he had got some revenge on Adam and Emma, and most importantly because he was now free of any muggle commitments he had for "William the Wizard" and all he had to deal with now was the students returning from Christmas break after seeing the movie. Then raising his arms he apparated to Hogwarts ready to deal with Voldemort. 


	41. Lord Voldemort

[A/N. Normally I don't update so often, especially lately, but there are only a couple more chapters in this story left and I have the ideas for them set out in my head so I'm trying to get them down. Rest assured, however, that this is not the last we'll see of Snape, the famous actor, the sequel "Severus Snape Simulates" is already forming in my mind. I know that this chapter doesn't really deal with Snape as the muggle movie star, but it's getting towards the end of the story, and you'll see eventually that I have my reasons for writing it like this. But anyway, on with the chapter…..]

Chapter forty-one: Lord Voldemort. 

Snape conjured up an umbrella to cover his head from the rain as he trudged quickly up the driveway to Hogwarts. Sometimes he liked the fact that you couldn't apparate to within Hogwarts' grounds, at other times, like now, he found it a pain. The thought of Adam and Emma's memories of the premiere he didn't attend made him feel slightly better and he didn't think about the rain, and the fact that his socks were getting wet inside his shoes. Once inside the castle he hesitated and then ran down the stairs to his study. There was no way he could be seen dressed in this muggle clothing he'd had to wear the entire time he was over in New York, so he pointed his wand upstairs and a moment later his normal clothes and robes were in his hands. A few minutes later he made his way up to the headmaster's office. 

He knocked on the door and there was a noise from within before the headmaster's voice called "Come in" sounding rather tired. 

Snape entered the round office and gasped as he saw Dumbledore sitting in his chair behind his desk. It was clear that something, or someone, had attacked the headmaster. He had a black eye, and a few cuts on his face, the worst of which was covered with a muggle device used for putting on cuts to help them heal. "Good lord headmaster. What happened to you?" He demanded, hurrying over towards the desk.

Before Dumbledore could reply one of the portraits on the wall of former headmasters of Hogwarts replied angrily "I told you Dumbledore, did I not? Especially after that scene in this very room at the end of the last school year? That being too lenient on someone just because you felt differently about him-"

"Enough Andreas." Dumbledore said quietly but firmly. "Take a seat Severus." 

Snape, somewhat bewildered and also very concerned, sank into the chair that hadn't been there a moment ago. "Headmaster, I assumed, when I got your owl that this was something to do with the Dark Lord." He said.

Dumbledore regarded him thoughtfully before nodding. "Yes and no." He replied.

Snape raised an eyebrow, not surprised by the response. Dumbledore was often, or so it seemed to Snape, incapable of giving a straight answer. 

"Of course my worries should not take precedence over the normal pleasantries. How was your trip to New York Severus?" Dumbledore inquired.

Snape blinked. "My trip headmaster? It was…well to tell you the truth I'm not upset that my last contractual obligation to the muggles has been fulfilled- well at least they _think_ it's been fulfilled. But surely there are more important things to discuss other than my trip headmaster?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Indeed there are Severus, but I for one think that continuing as we normally would, not allowing Voldemort to change our everyday routine, is the best way of fighting him, of showing him we are not afraid?"

"Agreed, but your face-" 

"-is not any prettier than it was before." Dumbledore interrupted with a slight smile. "I don't suppose you brought me back a T-shirt did you?"

"I'm sorry headmaster but the moment I received your owl I put into motion the events which would allow me to return here and did not think of your T-shirt." Snape replied slowly. Was it his imagination or had Dumbledore grown even stranger in the last six months since the return of Voldemort had been announced to the wizarding world? 

"Pity." Dumbledore commented and opening his robes he showed Snape the T-shirt he was wearing underneath it: "My Mother went to Hawaii and all she brought me was this lousy T-shirt." "Of course, I don't have a mother still living, but nonetheless…." 

"Headmaster," Snape said trying not to sound annoyed. "I really think it's time you told me what happened to you, and why I was summoned back."

"You are right, of course, Severus. I just hesitate- the students are leaving in two days for their Christmas break, and it's such a cheery time of year- and I must also admit I am gravely concerned over this incident." Dumbledore said.

Snape felt himself relax slightly, now they were getting down to the important matters, not trivial things such as muggle clothing. "I understand only too well headmaster, but if the Dark Lord-"

"Severus, why do you not call him Voldemort?" Dumbledore interrupted.

Snape felt his face redden. "If you don't mind headmaster I'd prefer to keep my reasoning behind that private- assuming that privacy is still a right?"

"Naturally." Dumbledore inclined his head slightly. "Well, yesterday afternoon I was urgently summoned by Minerva- who had previously been summoned by young Neville Longbottom- to the Gryffindor common room. I was not sure what I was expecting to see, but it was certainly not what I saw. Harry was most aggrieved, and I learnt later, not in his right mind. He'd attacked Ron Weasley, and only was being held off by some of the elder boys. When they let him go he attacked me, but was stunned by Minerva. We brought him up to my office and when he came to he admitted to me he'd been a snake, Voldemort's snake. He was terribly upset to hear he'd attacked not only me, but also his best friend. He has agreed, albeit reluctantly since he was to spend Christmas at the Weasley's place, to remain here over the holidays where he is determined to master Occlumency. Perhaps more effort should have been taken to teach him this over the last holidays, but after the shock of Sirius' death…" 

Snape sighed as Dumbledore trailed off. "And who, may I ask, is to teach Potter?" He asked coldly.

"I was hoping you would." Dumbledore replied, and he held up a hand seeing Snape meant to speak. "I know your last effort was less than successful, but I am convinced Harry is determined to master it after hurting Ron, his very best friend."

"Headmaster, with all due respect, I don't know that I'm the right person to teach Potter. His father-" Snape began, but Dumbledore cut in.

"Severus I know only too well about your problems with James, and indeed with Sirius, but I'm not asking you to do this for Harry. I'm asking you, as I did before, to do it for the Order, of which you are a member and where you pledged to fight Voldemort." Dumbledore asked him, his eyes piercing into Snape's.

"If I have Potter's assurances that this time he is going to work with it and give it everything he has." Snape said, sighing resignedly. His hate for Potter had to be put after the work of the Order and he knew it only too well. At least, he thought smiling slightly, things were back to normal, and there was no more muggle movie madness…although looming in his mind was the students returning after the Christmas break anxious to share their thoughts with each other on his performance in "William the Wizard." 


	42. Normalcy

[A/N. This is the second last chapter of this story.]

Chapter forty-two: Normalcy. 

Snape glared down at the boy lying on the floor. "You're-not-concentrating." He said through his teeth. 

The boy glared up at him, the same loathing on his face. "I'm doing the best I can." 

Snape sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know why the headmaster suggested this. I told him it would never work, you didn't have the skill, nor the concentration, to master such an advanced art as Occlumency Potter." He said, and he reached down and pulled the boy to his feet. 

Harry raised an eyebrow. "You always said that about Potions, but I got an Outstanding in it didn't I?" He demanded. 

Snape snorted. "You got an "Exceeds Expectations" but new ministry laws came into effect which meant that anyone who got an "E" or above would be marked at an "O" and invited to join the NEWTs class for that particular subject as part of the fight against the Dark Lord. Speaking of which-" He raised his wand again. 

This time was different and Snape knew it, even though Harry eventually fell to the ground. "Who was that woman in your memory? The muggle woman you love?" He asked, a smirk on his face.

"I don't love _any_ muggle woman, I don't even like them." Snape snapped back. "I think we've done enough for one day. You can return to your common room where no doubt Weasley is waiting for you. Although personally if my best friend attacked me I wouldn't give up my Christmas to spend time with them, to keep them company."

After Harry had left Snape sank into his chair wearily. The few days of continued practice with Potter had left him feeling tired and drained, but he knew only too well the need to teach Potter to close his mind to Voldemort. The majority of students had left the other day, although a few still remained, as well as Potter and Weasley. Sometimes Snape wondered why everyone thought Potter was such a hero and why they let him get away with so much. If it had of been up to Snape Potter would have been expelled at once for attacking the headmaster. He sighed and rubbed a hand over his forehead. He didn't want to think about Potter at the moment. He just wanted things to get back to normal so he could leave the muggle movie behind him forever. On top of his desk sat the beginnings of an exam he was writing for the sixth year students when they returned after their Christmas break. And beside that was a list of the students in the class and their average marks so far. Seeing Granger's 95% made him frown, but he felt slightly better seeing Potter and Weasley's 42% and Malfoy's 89%. Naturally Malfoy's friends Crabbe and Goyle hadn't got the marks to enter the NEWTs potion class, even with the reduced requirements and he'd been uncharacteristically quiet but Snape knew that sooner or later he'd do or say something. 

"Dobby hates to interrupt Professor Snape sir." A high voice squeaked.

Snape frowned as he turned to the house elf. He was still annoyed with him about the incident in Hogsmeade and how Dobby hadn't told him straight off what to expect instead of trying to stop him with silly incidents. "What?" He snapped.

Dobby smiled. "Dobby is glad to see Professor Snape is back to normal. Dobby wishes he could see Sir's movie but-" He began, but Snape interrupted him.

"I assume there is a reason you're here?" He demanded.

"Yes Professor Snape sir, Dobby has brought you a message from the headmaster." Dobby said, and he held out a copy of the day's "Daily Prophet."

With a sigh Snape took it off him and then nodded towards the door. "You may go now elf." He said curtly. 

"Professor Snape sir does not have a message for the headmaster?" Dobby asked, hesitating. 

"No, I said leave." Snape snapped impatiently. 

Dobby bowed so low his nose touched the ground. "Dobby shall do as Sir wishes and leave, but Dobby wants Sir to know that he and the other house elves are glad that Professor Snape is back here at Hogwarts where he belongs and not off doing muggle things." He said and he left quickly.

Snape watched him go for a moment and then smiled. "Not as glad as I am." He muttered before opening the paper. In the middle he found a review of "William the Wizard" and was shocked to find that the reviewer liked the movie: "Severus Snape plays the part of a muggle playing a wizard brilliantly…..He is able to poke fun at himself and our world and have the muggles believing silly things about us….If there is a sequel Severus Snape should be the first one cast….This reviewer gives it a score of four butterbeers." 

Snape stared at the paper wondering whether this was all some joke, but when the words on the paper didn't change he had to accept that it was no joke. The reviewer from the paper had actually liked the movie, and even stranger praised Snape's performance. Shaking his head in disbelief Snape turned the page and found another small item about him, however this one explained that Severus Snape had fulfilled his last muggle commitment and was not planning on acting ever again. Wasn't that the truth! 'And now,' He thought happily, 'it's time to make those exams as hard as possible. I'm going to stump Granger or die trying!'


	43. Snape loves life

Chapter forty-three: Snape loves life.

Snape smiled coldly to himself as he watched the students returning from their Christmas breaks. Woe betide the first student to make fun of him for "William the Wizard" since he'd gone down to speak to Filch about what tortures could be used in detention, despite not normally consorting with the lesser members of staff. Filch had sighed sadly. "Not much Professor." He said unhappily. "When Professor Umbridge was here she had the right idea- bring the students into line and all that. Naturally the first thing the headmaster did when he got back was rectify that situation. No, things were definitely better when Professor Umbridge was in charge." Snape had raised an eyebrow, not sure that he would go that far. The upshot of the conversation was that there wasn't much in the way of torture but Snape had found out a few things still allowed and he was ready to give the very first student to make fun of him a detention he or she wouldn't ever forget. 

He glided down the stairs and into the Great Hall where students were loudly comparing their Christmas breaks. He caught the eye of Potter, who was seated with Weasley, and was listening simultaneously to the Christmas adventures of Granger and the rest of the Weasley family. Much to Snape's surprise Potter had basically mastered Occlumency. 

"Sir?" 

Snape sighed and turned around to see Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle standing there. "Yes?" He asked warily. As a general rule none of the three would make fun of him, but then Malfoy had been unusually quiet this year, due to the absence of his friends in many of his classes, and due also the to the fact that everyone know knew the Malfoy's true colours. 

"My mother took me to see your movie and Sir, it was brilliant. I read in the paper how it was a clever parody of the muggle conception of wizards and witches and I have to agree. No wonder you wanted to be in a movie like that to poke fun at muggles. It was a brilliant choice Sir." Malfoy said.

Snape surveyed his face searching for the slightest sign of mirth before nodding. "Thank you Malfoy. Excuse me." 

As he made his way up to the table he caught snatches of the student's conversations and to his surprise many were talking about the movie and how they had like it, and his performance in it. He furrowed his brow. Who would ever have thought? He'd been dreading the return of the students, but now they were back and applauding his movie choices thinking his entire reason had been to poke fun at muggles. Well he wouldn't deny it if asked. 

"You got off lightly didn't you?" Professor McGonagall asked as Snape seated himself next to her. Her eyes were twinkling and Snape couldn't help but give a small smile.

"Indeed." He agreed. 

"I was waiting for them to come back and make fun of you, and for you to have them all in detention every night." McGonagall added.

Snape nodded. "Yes….well….." He said not sure what to say. Should he be offended at that?

"And Albus informs me that Potter has mastered occlumency to the extent that Voldemort will have some real trouble reading his mind." McGonagall added, changing the subject. 

"Yes." Snape said shortly. He was surprised that Potter had put the effort in, perhaps he'd suddenly realised the gravity of the situation now that Voldemort was back and his supporters gathering around him? Of course as yet Voldemort had done nothing, perhaps he was biding his time? After all the past six months had been filled with concern, but not deaths. Snape rubbed unconsciously at his arm where the Dark Mark would appear. 

*****

Over the next few days Snape was surprised at the general reaction to his movie appearance. As he'd expected the Slytherins were praising it and him, the Ravenclaws were debating it, the Hufflepuffs were ambivalent, and the Gryffindors not entirely impressed with it but not teasing him. Although at the start of one class he heard a group discussing their muggle studies assignment which was "Is 'William the Wizard' a fair and accurate portrayal of wizards? Discuss with reference to the muggle conceptions and opinions of wizards." Snape had curled his lip slightly but said nothing. He wasn't about to rock the boat. Snape was loving life. 

The only time he got really annoyed was when he was approached by a seventh year Ravenclaw about making a guest appearance in the end of year play the school was putting on. They hadn't filled roles or anything yet, she told him, but think how many people would come to the play if the flyer advertised a special appearance by "William the Wizard" star Severus Snape? Snape had glared at her so coldly she'd taken a few steps backwards. "Miss Martin, let me tell you now there is no way in hell I am ever, EVER, acting again."

She'd looked disappointed. "But Professor Snape, this play is going to make money for Hogwarts…it's for a good cause."

"If I hear so much as one word about me acting again I will put that person in detention for two weeks and take fifty points off their house, so perhaps, Miss Martin, you might want to let people know that." Snape had snapped, before turning away, his robe billowing as he strode off angrily. Severus Snape's acting career was officially over, and as soon as people stopped talking about "William the Wizard" his name would never, ever be mentioned in connection with acting again. And thank Merlin for that!


	44. Authors Note: What comes next for Snape?

**Authors Note: What's next for our beloved Potions master Severus Snape? I've begun work on the sequel to this story, entitled "Starring Severus Snape 2: Reality Bites Snape" and I want to tell you a little bit about it.**

At the beginning of SSS2 Snape is still enjoying the normalcy that returned at the start of SSS1, although he is surprised at the various reactions to his Muggle movie "William The Wizard." Rumour has it that Mr. Hampton is anxious to make "William The Wizard 2", wanting to capitalize on the blockbuster success of the movie which is already tipped to earn the award winning director, and owner of "Hampton Productions" a few awards come awards season. Snape has heard the rumours but he chooses to ignore them since he has absolutely no intention of ever stepping in front of a camera again, nor of working with Muggles any more than he might have to as dictated by his work in Potions. Unfortunately the best laid plans are usually the ones to not work….

Snape is pressured into joining a man named Mr. Mathers who owns a big television company which has invested millions into the so-called Muggle reality television phenomenon. Snape wants to say no but the request comes from the top- the Minister for Magic himself who says that Muggle-Wizard relations are vital right then (which Snape takes as a concession to the constant claims by people like Dumbledore that Lord Voldemort is back, although he guesses Fudge is not about to admit it out loud, nor for the time being, admit it publicly and let the wizarding world know that vigilance is of the essence now) and Snape needs to do this thing. So Snape, reluctantly, goes back to London and speaks to Mr. Mathers who tells him his plans for Snape to star in three reality television shows. Snape hates the idea of course but Fudge had made things clear: Snape had absolutely no choice whatsoever in the say of this!

You can only imagine the way Snape goes about becoming a reality star and, once again, dealing with the Muggles on a daily basis… And, if you can't imagine, then I suggest you jump over to "Starring Severus Snape 2" and find out…

Also, "Starring Severus Snape 4: Severus Snape Simulates", and "Starring Severus Snape 5: Snape Through the Ages" will follow SSS2.

I hope you enjoy SSS2 as much as you enjoyed SSS1.

Cheers,

Amy.


End file.
